Retribution
by barbaXbenson
Summary: A string of brutal rape/murders hits close to home for Manhattan SVU and the squad must work to find the killer before one of their own becomes the next victim. *This is a continuation of my story Uncharted Territory, but you won't be lost if you haven't read it. Established Barson. Canon compliant through season 18. Rated M for violence, language, and probably some smut.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This story is going to be a bit darker than my last, but I wanted to try something a little different. Also, I'm not sure if Melinda is actually still with the ME's office, but for the sake of this story she is.

* * *

Olivia dropped her bag on her living room floor with a sigh. "We made it. Finally." She tilted her head from side to side, trying to to loosen the tension in her neck that had developed after several hours in the car.

"Thank God." Rafael let his own bag hit the floor with a thud as he closed her apartment door behind them. "Remind me next time that in the summer everyone goes to the Hamptons for the weekend which means that everyone is coming back from the Hamptons on Sunday night."

Traffic had been hellacious coming back into the city and their journey had taken them hours longer than it should have.

She desperately wanted to drop an "I told you so," but she resisted.

After the particularly stressful and emotionally draining Zach Cahill case, they'd decided to go on their first weekend away, just to relax and be together as a couple, leaving behind the Lieutenant and the ADA. Olivia had suggested going upstate, but Rafael didn't "do rustic," so they'd gone to the Hamptons instead.

Olivia had been nervous at first, worried that outside of the city, outside of their jobs, that they'd find that they didn't have much to talk about, but her worries had been unfounded. She found that even though they'd known each other for years, and been friends nearly as long, that there was still much to learn about Rafael Barba, and she'd enjoyed spending a couple of uninterrupted days doing just that.

"Thank you." He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"For what?"

"Not saying 'I told you so' even though I know you really want to."

She laughed, enjoying the fact that he knew her so well.

"It was a great weekend though, right?" He nuzzled her neck, placing kisses near her jawline.

"Oh yeah," She tilted her head back, giving him better access to her neck, remembering how fantastic their beach rental had been. They'd made excellent use of the king size bed, the couch, the floor, the kitchen table…

"Noah?" He asked, still working on her neck.

"At your mom's until tomorrow."

"Good." He spun them so that he had her back pressed up against the apartment door, his hands resting on either side of her. His lips worked hers hungrily, only pausing to pull her tank top over her head. Olivia was starting to work his belt buckle when her phone began ringing in her purse. "Ignore it." He told her breathlessly, his lips working their way across her collarbone.

"I can't, what if something's happened with Noah?"

He couldn't argue with that. He moved out of the way so she could cross the room and pull her phone out of her bag. Her brows knitted, a mix of confusion and concern, when she saw the screen. "Chief?"

Hearing this, Rafael looked up. She wasn't supposed to be on call this weekend, so it must be something important.

"Lieutenant." Deputy Chief Dodds didn't sound happy. "I know you're technically still off duty, but I need you to get down here."

"Okay. Where's 'here'?"

"I'll text you the address. Oh," Dodds added as an afterthought. "And I'm sure Barba is there with you. Tell him to get his ass down here too."

* * *

Olivia badged the uniformed officer standing near the caution tape that was keeping nosey pedestrians back from the crime scene. "He's with me." She tossed her head toward Barba and the uni nodded, raising the tape and allowing them to duck under.

She'd noticed the ME van as she pulled up, so she knew she wouldn't be speaking with the victim. CSU had already arrived as well. They were combing the alleyway and taking photos, aided by portable lights that had been set up to illuminate the dark alley. Olivia spotted Dodds off to the side talking on the phone, so she walked straight to the body that was on the ground in the middle of the alley, covered by a white sheet.

Rafael hung back a little, busying himself on his phone. He'd been to a few crime scenes and his share of autopsies over the years, but he wasn't altogether comfortable being in close proximity to dead bodies. He still wasn't even sure what he was doing here.

"What do we got?" Olivia asked a uni nearby. She noted his nametag, Bradley. He barely looked old enough to be out of high school, let alone the academy.

"Busboy found her when he was taking out the trash after closing." Officer Bradley nodded toward a doorway that Olivia assumed was the back door to a restaurant. "Looks like she was strangled."

"I'm here, so I assume there were signs of sexual assault?"

"Well, she's nude, and well, um…" A flush rose over the young officer's neck and cheeks. "She has a knife in her, well, you know…"

"Jesus." Olivia said before she could stop herself. Just when she thought she'd seen the worst of the worst, there was always some sick bastard willing to up the ante.

"Lieutenant." Dodds was finally off the phone and he approached her, looking tired. Officer Bradley wisely took this chance to step away.

"Chief. What's this all about?" The crime was brutal, but it was something any of her detectives could have handled and definitely didn't seem to warrant the presence of the Deputy Chief, or Barba for that matter.

"The vic's an ADA, out of Brooklyn."

Rafael's head jerked up when he heard that. "What?" He stepped closer as Olivia knelt down and pulled back the sheet. His stomach rolled. "Jaclyn?" He turned to Dodds with fire in his eyes. "What the fuck, Dodds? You could have warned me."

"Watch it, counselor." Dodds warned Barba before turning to Olivia. "Jaclyn Moore."

"You knew her?" Olivia looked up at Rafael.

He nodded grimly. "Yeah, she started maybe a year before I left."

Olivia turned back to the body. Even in death she was pretty, soft features and caramel colored skin that now had a gray tint to it. One of the tech lights hit something shiny and she pulled the sheet back further. Her ADA's badge was laid open across her stomach. Olivia had wondered how they ID'd her so fast, but now she had her answer.

It was a tragedy in and of itself if a woman, who happened to be an ADA, was brutalized and killed in such a manner. It added a whole other layer if she was targeted because she was an ADA. It was looking like this was the latter.

"Whoever did this wanted us to know immediately." Dodds shook his head. "I've already heard from the commissioner, the mayor, and the DA. Barba, he said you're at my disposal. If there's anything you're working on that can be handed off, do it."

Rafael nodded his agreement, doing his best to keep his gaze off of his former colleague. Olivia noticed this and dropped the sheet, covering Jaclyn up again, much to his relief.

"Does she have family?" Olivia asked, standing fully.

"Her mom's in Jersey." Rafael answered before Dodds could.

Chief Dodds gave Rafael a look before turning to Olivia. "The Brooklyn DA is doing the notification. I just hope he makes it there before the press gets wind of this."

"Lieu." They looked up and saw Carisi making his way toward them. "Sorry it took me so long. What do we got?"

As Olivia gave Carisi the rundown Dodds looked over at Rafael. The ADA was looking a little peaked. "You can handle this, right Barba? Because if you're too close to this tell me now and I'll call someone else."

Rafael's eyes narrowed. "I can handle it." He said forcefully.

"Good. 'Cause we gotta nail this son of a bitch. Fast."

"Is Brooklyn gonna push to take over this?" Carisi asked once he was filled in. "She was one of theirs."

"Maybe." Olivia once again looked down at the sheet. "But she's ours now."

* * *

"I have to go to the station, do you want me to drop you at home?" Olivia asked Rafael an hour later as she maneuvered her car out onto the street.

"I could go with you." He offered.

"There's not much work for you at this point. And one of us should get some sleep."

"Then, yeah, I guess home's fine." He acquiesced.

She looked over at him, the streetlights bouncing off of his handsome face. A handsome face that now seemed troubled. "Were you close to her? Jaclyn?"

"We were friendly, flirted a bit I guess." He answered honestly. "Had drinks a few times, but nothing ever happened."

Olivia knew that the jealousy that bubbled up in her was ridiculous and unwarranted, but it bubbled all the same. They were quiet for a few blocks, but then she spoke again. "You stopped receiving threats, right? I mean, you told us you did, but that wasn't just so we'd lift your detail?"

He smiled just because he knew that was something he'd do, and if the threats hadn't stopped with the arrest of Felipe Heredio, he probably would have. "Yes. Well, mostly." He added in the interest of complete honesty.

"What do you mean, mostly?" She braked for a red light and turned to look at him, worry clouding her features. Worry, and a little bit of anger, he decided.

"The blatant, consistent ones stopped, but I'm an ADA, Liv. I get threats, but it's all just the regular stuff. Putting people in prison tends to piss them and their loved ones off." He shrugged like it was no big deal. "Just because an ADA was killed doesn't mean there's some guy out there targeting all ADA's."

"It doesn't mean that there isn't." She countered, putting the car in motion when the light changed. It had been one of her first thoughts once it became apparent that Jaclyn's job played a role in her death. What if Rafael was a target? She couldn't bear the thought.

"It was probably someone she put away, or someone in connection to someone she put away, you'll see."

"Actually, you will. I need you to go to the Brooklyn DA's office with Carisi in the morning. You still have connections there. They might give up her files more easily with you there."

"Okay." He agreed, and not just because he'd been ordered to by the DA and Dodds. Jaclyn had been a great lawyer and a friend. She didn't deserve what had happened to her and he would do everything he could to make sure the person responsible paid for it.

She pulled up in front of his apartment building and put the car in park. "I'm sorry this is how our weekend ended."

The corner of his mouth ticked up. "I almost feel like it wouldn't be us if it didn't end like this." He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over, kissing her softly. "Be safe, mi guerrera."

"You too." She said softly.

He reached for the door handle, but her voice stopped him. "Raf?"

"Yeah?" He asked, turning back toward her.

"Are you okay? It's hard enough when the victim is a stranger, but..."

Rafael sighed. "I'm...sad." He decided that the most basic of emotions was all that could be used to describe how he was feeling. "We know these sick fucks are out there, we deal with it every day, but…" He shook his head. "Sad and pissed." He amended. "But yes, I'm okay."

"Well, I'm here if you need me." She didn't want to press too hard. He'd just began acting like himself again, finally able to begin moving on from Melanie Tullis's tragic suicide. She knew she mostly had Cahill's conviction to thank for that, but she hoped she played a small part in helping him heal.

"I know, mi amor. Thank you." He gave her another quick kiss before getting out of the car. She waited, watching as he walked into the building. Max, the weekend doorman, gave her a small wave as he held the door open for Rafael. She waved back and then put the car in gear, merging into Park Avenue traffic which was still going strong late on a Sunday night.

* * *

"Melinda." Olivia said when she and Fin walked into the autopsy suite the following morning. "What are we looking at?" She knew it was probably too soon for Melinda to have much, but Carisi and Rafael had gone to the Brooklyn DA's office and Amanda was with CSU tossing Jaclyn's apartment. She couldn't just sit on her hands and wait for them to come up with something. She needed to be on the ground, working the case.

"I'm just getting started." Melinda put down the scalpel she'd just picked up in preparation to make the standard Y incision in Jaclyn's chest.

"I know, but this is an important one. What's your preliminary?"

Melinda was well aware that this was top priority, it was the reason the young ADA had skipped to the front of the line. There were several other bodies waiting in drawers who had come in first, but just as Olivia and Barba had their orders from the top, the doctor did too.

She chose not to voice this, as from the look of Olivia's tired eyes, the Lieutenant had been working all night, and she knew she didn't need a friend snipping at her over something petty. Instead she picked up a clipboard where she'd taken notes during her preliminary examination of the body.

"Based on body temp at the scene, time of death was somewhere between 7 and 10pm last night. External examination puts cause of death as strangulation. Most likely from a rope of some kind." She gestured to the ligature marks on the Jaclyn's neck. "No defensive wounds which is strange for a ligature strangulation."

"She didn't even try to pull at the rope?" Fin asked.

"Doesn't seem like it." Melinda answered. "CSU scraped under her fingernails, so maybe we'll find something, but look." She picked up one of Jaclyn's hands to show them. "Her manicure is intact. Not a chip. I have to wait for the tox screen, but my guess is she was drugged before she was strangled."

"Most rapists who strangle their victims get off on the struggle. What's the point if they're already out cold?" Olivia questioned.

"Well, it wasn't a rape, if that helps."

"I thought you said she had a knife inside her?" Fin asked Olivia.

"She did." Olivia turned to Melinda, confusion on her face.

"Well, yes, in the strictest definitions she was raped by a foreign object, the knife." Melinda walked over to a side table and picked up an evidence bag.

"Is that a…" Fin looked closer. "A steak knife?"

Melinda nodded. "You might see if your victim is missing one from her home." She sat the knife back on the table. "But there were no other signs of sexual assault, at least at a glance. The knife did some damage so it's possible that's obscuring things, but I don't think so. It was almost like an afterthought."

"Afterthought?"

"Yes, based on blood flow, or lack thereof, she was already dead when he inserted the knife. And usually with this type of mutilation the victim is assaulted repeatedly, but the knife was simply inserted and left there." Melinda explained. "I'd say someone went out of their way to turn this into a sex crime."

"Which means they wanted us to catch it." Fin concluded.

The thought filled Olivia with dread. This was all carefully orchestrated and she was afraid that it was just the beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks so much for the faves, follows, and reviews!

* * *

When Olivia and Fin returned to the squad room after their visit to the ME's office they found Rafael and Sonny at the conference table. Mountains of files covered the table's surface and several evidence boxes filled with even more files were stacked on the floor.

"We got the files." Rafael deadpanned when he saw the duo, taking a sip from a paper coffee cup.

"And then some." Olivia picked one up off the top of the stack. "All of these are Jaclyn's cases?" It seemed that Jaclyn was even more overworked than Rafael was.

"Well, this," Rafael held up the large 2 inch binder he was reading through. "Is all the threats she's received."

"We're starting with most recent cases and threats." Carisi explained. "But we could really use some more eyes. It's going to take days, maybe weeks, as it is to go through all of these."

"Fin?" Olivia asked, even though it wasn't really a question. Fin sighed and sat at the table. Carisi slid a stack of files in his direction. "And Rollins should be back from the victim's apartment soon. If it still seems like too much I can pull in a few unis." She picked up a stack of files for herself and looked over at Rafael. "Barba, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Rafael stood, picking up his binder and coffee, and followed her to her office. "What's going on?"

She dropped the files on her desk. "We had an interesting talk with Melinda."

"Oh?"

She filled him in on what they'd learned and their suspicion that this had been deliberately staged as a sex crime. "It seems as if whoever did this wanted it to be our case."

"Ours as in yours?"

"Or yours." She paused a moment. "Did anyone else know that you two were close? Were friends?"

He shrugged. "We weren't besties or anything, but it wasn't a state secret that we were friendly." He paused as it became clear what she was getting at. "You don't think we'll find the answer in her case files, do you?"

"No, but we have to do our due diligence and go through them all anyway." She eyed Jaclyn's threat binder that he still held. "You have one of those, don't you?"

"No," he shook his head, but her relief was short lived. "I have two."

* * *

A while later Rafael was stretched out on Olivia's couch, still slogging through the binder, and she was at her desk reading through her share of Jaclyn's files when Amanda knocked on her doorframe. "Hey, Lieutenant. Counselor." She added when she spotted Barba looking quite comfortable on the couch.

"Rollins." He nodded.

"Hey," Olivia looked up, slipping her glasses off and letting them land on the open file on her desk. "Did you find anything at the apartment?"

"No sign of forced entry, no sign of a struggle, but we think she was taken from there."

"Why?" Rafael sat up, interested now.

"Her purse, keys, and phone were all on the kitchen counter." Rollins explained. "Who goes anywhere without those?"

"So she let this guy in? It was someone she knew?" Nothing about this case was making any sense to Olivia. Maybe the ADA badge was to make them think it was revenge when it was really someone she was close to.

"Or someone who knew how to break in undetected." Rafael supplied. "He could have picked the lock and waited inside for her."

"If they did, they were good. She had two deadbolts." Rollins said. "My vote is that she opened the door."

"Barba, did anyone at the DA's office mention a boyfriend?" Olivia asked.

He shook his head. "They said she seemed married to the job, but she could have just been keeping it private." He met her gaze as they shared a knowing look.

"Well, we'll go through her phone records. Maybe we'll find something there."

"Her building has a security camera on the entrance, we pulled the footage. We also have officers canvassing the neighborhood. We might get lucky."

"We could use a bit of luck right about now." Olivia said. "Anything else?"

"There was one thing missing from the apartment." Amanda answered. "After I got your text, Lieutenant, I checked for missing knives. Her set was short one steak knife." She held up her phone to show Olivia a photo of the knife set in the apartment.

"That set matches the one we found inside the victim. So odds are she was killed in the apartment."

"He killed her in Brooklyn Heights and then transported her to Manhattan to dump her in an alley?" Rafael sounded disbelieving. "There are plenty of alleys in Brooklyn worthy of disposing a body in."

"It just gives more credence to our theory."

"What theory?" Rollins asked.

"That whoever did this purposely staged it as a sex crime in Manhattan so that we would catch the case." Olivia explained for the second time that morning.

"Seriously?" Rollins went over the facts in her head. "I guess it plays, but why?"

"Your guess is as good as ours."

"You know," Rafael said once Rollins had left to start going through the security footage from Jaclyn's building. "You're so wrapped up in thinking this has something to do with me that you're missing something."

"What's that?"

"That it could have something to do with you." He'd tried not to think about it, but the fear that she could be the target of all of this had settled deep in his gut and wouldn't go away. "You could just as easily be at the center of this as I could."

"And so could Rollins, or Carisi, or Fin, but none of us knew the victim. You did."

Rafael sighed and laid his hands on the back of one of her visitors' chairs, squeezing the fabric in frustration. He guessed the situation would be funny if it wasn't so fucked up. They both only had concern for the other, with little to none to spare for themselves. "Will you just promise me that you'll be careful?"

"I'm always careful," she assured him. "But I'll promise if you'll do the same."

"You're the one out on the streets, quite often with a gun pointed at you. What could I possibly do that's dangerous?"

"Oh, nothing, I guess. It's not like you give criminals your home address and tell them to come by whenever they want." She gave him a pointed look.

He regretted ever telling her that, but at the time he'd been two and half scotches deep and had been trying to impress her with how tough he was. "Okay, fine. I promise to no longer hand out my address to criminals."

Olivia supposed that was as good as she was going to get.

He grabbed his jacket and slipped it on. "I have to get to the office. I have a motion hearing this afternoon and I'm barely prepped."

"I thought Dodds told you to hand off everything?"

"He told me to hand off everything that could be, and wouldn't you know, it would just take too long to bring another DA up to speed on my current cases." He said with a smirk. "I can handle it." He added when he saw the concern cross her face. "Like you said last night, at this point there isn't much work for me on this. And do you really want another ADA handling the trials of rapists you worked so hard to arrest?"

She hated feeding his ego, but he was right. He was the best and she wanted the best prosecuting her cases. Was catching one perp worth it if several others walked? "I guess you're right."

"Liv, we're at work. You know how those words get me going." He teased and she rolled her eyes.

"I thought you had work to do?"

He put his hands on her desk and threw a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure no one out in the squad room was watching before leaning over and placing a soft kiss on her lips. It was no longer a secret that they were together, but their bosses had made it clear that they were to keep it out of the office. "I flagged some pages in the binder." He said, standing up straight. "I think you should start with those."

"Thanks, Raf."

He nodded. "Te amo, mi guerrera."

* * *

Olivia sighed and rubbed her eyes, doing her best to straighten and stretch out her spine. She'd spent the bulk of her day hunched over her desk digging through Jaclyn's files, even though she still believed it to be a waste of time. The only reprieve, and she used the term loosely, had been when Jaclyn's mother, Anita, had come in to speak to her. The poor woman was doing her best to hold it together, but Olivia had seen it enough times to know that the break was coming.

Anita had echoed Jaclyn's coworkers – she was a sweet girl who lived for her work. She was sure that Jaclyn hadn't been dating anyone, but she gave Olivia the names of her two closest friends, thinking they might know things that the prosecutor hadn't wanted to discuss with her mother. Olivia had reached out to them and arranged to speak with them the following day.

She'd fielded no less than three calls from Dodds who was not pleased with their lack of progress. She knew he had bosses who were breathing down his neck, but she couldn't manifest leads just to please the powers that be. Their one bit of evidence was grainy security cam footage showing a man dressed in all black entering Jaclyn's building within the time of death window, but he knew where the camera was and made sure it didn't catch his face. He never came back out so they assumed he used the rear exit.

Olivia crossed her fingers that they'd have something more when the forensics came back. Otherwise, they were screwed.

Her eyes caught the picture of Noah that sat on her desk and she felt a pang in her chest. She hadn't seen him since she'd left for work Friday morning. She'd loved her weekend away with Rafael, but she missed her son like crazy. Checking the time, she decided that it was acceptable for her to head home.

She slipped a few files into her bag, planning to read through them after Noah was asleep, and stopped in the squad room on her way out. All three of her detectives were hunched over files just as she had been. She was impressed by how much the stacks of files to be read had dwindled.

"Call it a night, guys." She told them. "Take some of these with you if you want to keep working, but there's no need to sit here all night."

Olivia left her squad car parked at the station, opting instead to take the subway home. She didn't have the energy to fight through the evening traffic. Plus on the train she could shut off her brain for a minute, or at least she could try.

After what seemed like forever she finally stepped off the elevator on her floor and ran into Lucy. "Lucy, what are you-?"

"Have a great night, Olivia." Lucy said with a knowing smile before stepping onto the elevator Olivia had just vacated.

What Olivia found when she opened the door to her apartment made tears sting her eyes. Rafael was in the kitchen at the stove; he'd removed his tie and rolled up the sleeves of his blue and white gingham shirt. Noah sat on the counter, watching Rafael as he cooked.

"Here you go." Rafael was telling Noah, pinching some kind of seasoning into Noah's palm. "Dump it in." He instructed and Noah tipped his hand, letting the seasoning fall into the pot that simmered on the burner. "Great job, amigo!" Rafael praised, stirring the seasoning into the dish, and Noah grinned proudly from ear to ear.

They both turned toward her when they heard the door close and Noah squealed. "Mommy!"

"Go get her." Rafael lifted Noah off the counter and sat his feet on the floor.

He ran to Olivia and she picked him up, settling him on her hip and kissing his cheek. "Hi, sweet boy."

"Mommy, I cooked!" Noah proclaimed proudly as Olivia carried him into the kitchen.

"The kid insisted on making you dinner." Rafael placed a welcoming peck on her lips.

"Well, I think he's found his calling. It smells amazing." She turned to Noah. "How was your weekend with abuelita?"

"I like abuelita. She gives me ice cream."

Olivia laughed, happy that Noah had Lucia in his life. She'd often felt guilty that Noah didn't really have any extended family. It was just another reason to be grateful that Rafael had come into their lives.

"I believe I heard somewhere that you painted your mom a picture?" Rafael reminded him.

Noah gasped, remembering, and wiggled to be let down.

"Okay, okay." Olivia laughed again, setting Noah on the floor. He took off for his room in search for Olivia's gift.

"You're amazing, you know that?" Olivia slipped her hands beneath his suspenders and pulled him close.

"Yes, I know, but I still like it when you tell me." The side of his mouth pulled up in the half grin that she found irresistible.

Still gripping his suspenders she placed her lips over the grin. "And so humble too."

* * *

Rafael looked up from his laptop as Olivia walked into the living room after having put Noah to bed. "That was faster than usual."

"I think all the excitement from the weekend finally caught up with him." Olivia sat next to him on the couch, picking her glass of wine up off of the coffee table and taking a sip, closing her eyes for a moment to savor it. Then with a sigh she sat it back down and reached for the files she'd brought home with her, but Rafael put a hand on her arm.

"What about you?" He closed his computer and set it to the side, then pulled her back against him, massaging her shoulders. "When is the last time you slept?"

"Um…" She thought about it. "I caught a couple hours in the bunk room this morning."

She could feel him shake his head. "You work too hard."

She turned to look at him over her shoulder. "Hello pot, kettle, nice to meet you."

"Touche." He laughed. "How did the rest of today go? I didn't hear anything from you, so I'm guessing no new leads? Not even with the security footage?"

Olivia shook her head and once again relaxed back against him. "Only grainy footage of someone who could be our guy entering the building, but not coming out. You can't see his face."

"Perfect." Rafael sighed.

"Exactly. You know I would never blame a victim, but I do find myself wondering why wouldn't she live in a building with better security? I mean, with the size of that threat binder, you'd think she'd want to be more careful."

"It was probably all that she could afford. Why do you think I sold my soul in the private sector for years before switching sides?" Self contempt ran through his words, but he cleared his throat and continued. "But not Jaclyn. She became a lawyer to do good and that's what she always did."

He felt her grow heavier against him and her breathing deepen. He smiled, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "Liv."

"Hmm?"

"Let's go to bed." He kissed her cheek before helping her to her feet. As much as he'd love to, their equal statures would make carrying her difficult, so instead he wrapped an arm around her as they shuffled to the bedroom.

Once they were tucked in bed she turned toward him, the streetlights shining through the window just enough that he could see her brown eyes. "It's not gone."

"What's that?"

"Your soul." She said sleepily. "I think you've done more than enough good to earn it back."

He laid his hand on her cheek and kissed her softly, a silent thank you. "Good night, my love."

Olivia drifted off to sleep quickly, but Rafael stared at the ceiling, thinking of all of the despicable people he'd fought to keep out of jail early in his career. The sleazebags who, thanks to savings and smart investments, still paid for his suits, scotch, and Park Avenue apartment.

He looked over at Olivia, her beautiful face peaceful with sleep, and prayed to God, a god he wasn't even sure he believed in, that she was right.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Apologies for taking longer to update than I usually do. This one is a little more difficult to write.

* * *

"Morning, Lieu." Carisi hopped to his feet the second Olivia walked into the squad room the next morning, falling into step with her as she walked to her office. "ME's report is in."

"And?" Olivia dropped her bag on her desk and looked at him expectantly.

"Warner found a crazy amount of Phenobarbital in the vic's system."

"The epilepsy drug?" She pulled from somewhere in the recesses of her mind.

"That's the one." He commended like she'd gotten a trivia question right. "It was definitely enough to render the vic unconscious, maybe even kill her if she hadn't been strangled first. Warner also found a needle mark hidden in the ligature marks on her neck."

"Maybe he strangled her to try to hide the fact that she was drugged?"

He looked skeptical. "But wouldn't anybody who's watched a cop show know that we'd run a tox screen anyway?"

"Yes, but some people are just dumb. You should know that by now." She stopped and took a breath. "Sorry, Carisi. It's just this case...I've already heard from Dodds this morning. They're threatening to kick it to Homicide if we don't come up with something fast."

"It's only been a day."

She shrugged. "It's an ADA, and not just an ADA, but a pretty, young ADA who looks really great on the front page of a newspaper next to a headline announcing that we have no leads."

"Well, I may have something." He dropped the file he carried on her desk. "When I read the report I remembered one of Jaclyn's cases that I read through yesterday. A dad, David Housman, robbed a pharmacy to get meds for his kid, ended up accidentally killing the pharmacist."

"Let me guess, the kid has epilepsy." Olivia flipped through the file.

"You got it. He was stealing pills, nothing injectible, but still, he was released two weeks ago. Since the death was an accident Jaclyn plead him out, and with good behavior…" Sonny let it hang.

"Good work, Carisi." She handed him back the file. "Fin and Rollins caught a case last night so you're on your own for now. Run it down."

He hurried out of the room, almost as if he was taking her literally, and she sank into her chair. It seemed a little too easy, but sometimes they were. And even if this wasn't their guy they still had to rule it out. She'd learned early on that most of the time police work consisted of proving that someone _didn't_ do the crime they were investigating rather than the opposite.

* * *

"You have no right to bring me here!"

Olivia looked up from her paperwork when she heard the deep voice roar through the squad room and she immediately went to investigate.

Carisi was leading the owner of the voice toward interrogation, but was having a tough time of it since the man was resisting the whole way. This man with his greasy hair, unruly beard, and dirty, ill-fitting clothes, barely resembled the photo of David Housman that had been in the file Sonny had showed her.

"Let me go!" Housman yelled, trying to pull his cuffed hands from Carisi's grip.

"Mr. Housman." Olivia said in a soothing tone, stepping toward the man. "We just want to ask you a few questions."

"Fuck you, lady!" Housman spun, jerking out of Carisi's grip and slamming into Olivia, sending her into flying into the sharp corner where the two walls met at the head of the hallway.

"Shit! Lieu are you okay?" Sonny grabbed Housman and dragged him the short distance to the first interrogation room, opening the door and shoving him in. "Stay in there." He slammed the door and rushed back to Olivia who was running her hand over her left shoulder. "I'm so sorry, I should have-"

"I'm fine, Carisi." Olivia cut him off. "I've had worse. Trust me." She walked over to the window to look at Housman who was pacing laps around the interrogation room, muttering to himself. "What's his deal? Doesn't seem like someone who was just trying to provide for his child."

"He picked up a meth habit when he was on the inside. Was livin' in a halfway house when he first got out, but he only lasted three days before they kicked him out for using. Guy at the halfway house tipped me off to a place Housman likes to hang out in Riverside Park. He had this on him when I found him." Sonny pulled an evidence bag out of his pocket, inside was a small baggie with white powder.

"Well, at least that's some leverage to get him talking."

"I don't think this is our guy. I mean, you think that man," Sonny pointed to the window. "Is capable of avoiding the security camera, getting the vic to open the door, stabbing her with a needle before she could put up a fight, and then transporting and staging the body?"

"No. I don't." Olivia shook her head, disappointed that this turned out to be the dead end that she thought it would be. "I doubt he has much of one, but see if you can get an alibi so we're covering our bases. Then, book him for the meth. Maybe we can kick it to the drug courts and actually get this guy some help."

Sonny nodded, opening the door and stepping inside the interrogation room. "Alright, Mr. Housman…"

Olivia turned back toward her office, rotating her shoulder and wincing at the pain the movement caused. She was definitely going to be feeling it for a couple of days.

* * *

"Look, I'm convening the grand jury. They can come voluntarily or I can issue subpoenas, either way they're testifying." Rafael barked into his phone as he stepped from the hallway and into his outer office, ever present coffee cup held in his left hand.

He swung by Carmen's desk, holding his phone between his cheek and shoulder so he had a hand free to take the mail and messages that she held out for him. He mouthed a silent 'thank you' before retreating into his office.

He sighed and dropped the coffee cup and the mail on his desk, slipping out of his dark brown suit jacket. Plopping in his chair and throwing his feet up on the corner of the desk, he rolled his eyes heavenward as the in house counsel for a tech startup that was suspected of covering up a gang rape that occurred on one of their company retreats continued to drone on about how grand jury testimony could reveal proprietary company information.

"I'm not trying to get them to reveal the super secret code that helps two 20-somethings who happen to be in the same Starbucks go bang in the bathroom." Rafael was really losing his patience with this guy. "You know what, let's make this easier for you. Every single employee that was at the retreat will be receiving a subpoena by the end of the day." He ended the call before the lawyer could even respond and dropped his phone to the desk.

Maybe he should have handed his cases off when he was told to, then he wouldn't be dealing with such morons. But then he'd also miss the chance to take those bastards down for the despicable acts they'd performed on the one woman they'd hired for "diversity".

He picked up the stack of mail and messages that Carmen had given them, flipping through them quickly. When he came to the last envelope in the pile a thread of trepidation ran through him. He wasn't sure why. There was nothing threatening about average white envelope, his name and 1 Hogan Place written out in careful block lettering, but his gut told him he wouldn't like what was inside.

He ripped it open, pulling out an unlined white index card. Written in black marker in those same block letters were the words: **Did you like my present?**

He stared at the words, trying to decipher their meaning. What present? He'd swear his heart stuttered in his chest when the realization hit. Jaclyn. But no, that couldn't be it. Could it? He shook his head, tossing the card onto his desktop, not wanting to look at it any longer.

Rafael knew he should call Liv and tell her about this. If it was related to Jaclyn this was evidence in their case. But it would also worry her, make her think that someone was after him again.

No, he decided. The note could mean any number of things. He received weird notes and letters all the time, odds were it had nothing to do with Jaclyn's murder. He'd add it to the second threat binder that sat on a shelf behind Carmen's desk, just like he did all the others. At the rate he was going he'd have to start a third pretty soon.

A knock sounded on his door and he actually jumped at the noise. He shook his head, mentally chastising himself as the door opened to reveal Olivia, carrying a plastic bag full of take out containers.

"Liv." He dropped his feet to the floor and slid the index card into a drawer all in one smooth motion. It was like she had a radar, sensing when even a hint of danger befell him. The index card like a siren's song drawing her to him. "Work or pleasure?" He grinned, giving no hint of the guilt that churned within him.

"Well, you cook for me all the time, so I thought I could return the favor." She dropped the bag of food on the table that sat in the middle of the room.

He chuckled, amused at her version of "cooking." He needed to get to work on those subpoenas, but he could spare a half an hour for her. He could always make time for her.

"If this heatwave keeps up, my squad is going to be maxed out on OT." She began to peel off her blazer, which clung to her with sweat. They were in the dog days of summer and their caseload showed it. "People get crazy in the he-"

Air hissed from between Rafael's teeth when he caught a glimpse of her arm and he was immediately on his feet and rounding his desk. "Christ, guerrera, what happened?" Her sleeveless shirt gave him full view of the deep purple bruise that bloomed over her shoulder and spilled down her arm to just a couple inches above her elbow.

"Oh." Olivia looked down at her arm almost as if she'd forgotten about it. "Just a little scuffle with a suspect."

Rafael ran his fingertips over the bruise, light as a feather, and then replaced them with his lips. He hated being reminded of the dangers of her job. He did his best not to think about how any time she hooked that badge to her hipbone and went off to fight another day in the trenches it was a possibility that she wouldn't come back.

She'd already terrified him, first with Lewis, and then when she'd been held in that god forsaken townhouse. They'd only been colleagues then, friends, but he'd still felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. And now, now he didn't think he'd survive it if something happened to her.

"I'm fine." She assured him, her tone soft.

"Tell me you at least got a few licks in." He joked now that he was satisfied that the damage was only superficial.

"Actually no," Olivia kissed his lips before sitting down at the table and pulling containers out of the bags. "It was just a man who was in a bad place. I think we're actually going to be able to get him some help."

Rafael slid into the chair next to her and shook his head in amazement. She always managed to find compassion, even for a guy who'd maimed her. He leaned over, wrapping a hand gently behind her neck and pulling her to him. He'd intended it to be just be a quick, soft kiss, but he found that he couldn't pull away. And then, when she parted her lips and allowed his tongue entrance into her mouth, he was powerless to put an end to it.

She wrapped her hand around his navy blue and white striped tie, pulling him closer still and he ran his free hand up her thigh. He was toying with the idea of lowering her zipper when the phone rang in the outer office and he heard Carmen answer in her pleasant tone, making him realize where they were.

He pulled back and cleared his throat. "Sorry. We probably shouldn't do that here."

Olivia just smiled and handed him a set of chopsticks, which he used to dig into his pad thai.

As they ate Olivia filled him in on their progress. It didn't take long since they still didn't have much.

"Phenobarbital?" Rafael let his chopsticks hang in the air. "How hard is that for a layman to get ahold of?"

Olivia shrugged, dipping a spring roll in some sauce. "You can get anything on the internet, but we're looking into it since it's really all we have to go on at the moment."

Guilt settled in the pit of his stomach, the index card hidden in his top desk drawer his own version of a tell-tale heart, thumping loudly to remind him of his secret. The team was struggling and he could have the break they needed - fingerprints, saliva on the envelope, a clue in the handwriting, who knew what all could be found on the simple note - hidden away.

He should tell her, he decided. It was the right thing to do. He opened his mouth to speak, but her phone buzzed on the table. He saw that it was Rollins.

"Hey, Rollins." Olivia answered. "Okay, I'm on my way." Ending the call, she sighed and rubbed a hand over her face.

"Bad news?"

"We just caught another one - sexual assault in broad daylight at Madison Square Park." She stood and he followed suit. "We're already spread so thin. Maybe we're better off letting Homicide take over Jaclyn's case."

Rafael fought an inner battle, the prosecutor vs the boyfriend. As a prosecutor he wanted her on the case, but as her boyfriend he knew that the squad was struggling with only three detectives and that the pressure being placed on her to solve Jaclyn's case was overwhelming.

He rested his hands on her hips. "I know that you're the best cop there is, and that if anyone can find out what happened to her it's you, but that shouldn't come at the sacrifice of your well being. If you need to pass it on, then that's what you should do."

Olivia nodded. She hated the thought of giving up. It wasn't something she ever did, but Homicide had the manpower to dedicate to the case and Jaclyn deserved that.

"I better go."

"Thank you for lunch." He kissed her softly. "Be safe."

"Always."

* * *

"Detective Carisi, isn't it true that once you confronted the defendants with the security footage they changed their story?" Rafael asked later that evening, walking the floor of his office, hands behind his back.

"That's correct. After they saw the footage they admitted to having sex with the victim, but claimed it was consensual." Sonny sat at the table in the center of the room.

Rafael had managed to schedule the grand jury in their gang rape case for the next day and he'd practically begged Olivia to borrow Carisi for an hour. He knew SVU had no time to spare, but Carisi had taken the initial disclosure and was the lead detective on the case so it was imperative that his testimony be solid.

"And what happened when-" Rafael narrowed his eyes at the detective who was looking at his phone screen. "Am I keeping you from something, detective?"

"Sorry, counselor." Sonny didn't look up, instead he tapped out a quick reply on his phone and stood. "We just caught another one. I gotta run."

Annoyed, Rafael sighed. "This is becoming a pattern with your squad." But then his own phone was vibrating. "Liv?"

"Where are you?" She skipped any greeting, all business.

"In my office. Carisi and I-"

"Good. He can escort you. I need you down here, but I don't want you traveling alone."

"What are you talking about? What's going on?"

"Just get down here. Now."

Olivia ended the call and he looked up at Carisi who was already at the door. "Apparently I'll be joining you."


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks so much for the reviews!

And I apologize in advance, I just really love writing angsty Barba.

* * *

The sun was just starting to fade when Carisi pulled the car to a stop at the address Olivia had given him. This time instead of in an alley downtown they found themselves all the way uptown in Washington Heights, on the edge of Highbridge Park.

It was an all too familiar scene, squad cars parked haphazardly, CSU technicians roaming about collecting evidence, uniformed officers everywhere they looked.

For the second time that week Rafael found himself ducking under crime scene tape, a feat that was easier for him than it was for his tall, lanky companion, he noted.

They spotted Olivia speaking with Melinda over near a set of bushes, an ME's assistant was zipping up a black body bag near their feet.

"Good, you're here." Olivia said when she caught sight of them over Melinda's shoulder. She left Melinda to her work and approached them.

"Was it him again?" Carisi asked and Olivia nodded. "Got an ID?"

"Not yet."

"So it's not another ADA?" Rafael asked.

"No. It's not." Her tone was somber and he wondered what that meant. Obviously it was a somber occasion, but wasn't it good news that it wasn't an ADA?

"Fin and Rollins are helping with the canvas." She was addressing Sonny again. "I need you to speak with the Parks Department. There are cameras all through this park and we need the footage from last night."

"Last night? She was here all day?" Carisi asked.

"According to Melinda's estimate, yes. She was tucked up under some bushes and this path is off the main strip of the park. It took awhile for someone to spot her." Olivia explained.

"I better get to it." Sonny turned on his heel, pulling out his phone to search for a contact number for the Parks Department.

"So, I'm probably going to regret asking this, but why am I here?" Rafael asked once it was just the two of them.

"I need to see if you can ID the body."

"What? But I thought...you said it wasn't…"

Olivia rarely saw him unable to put a sentence together, and she felt bad for causing him distress. She should have told him more on the phone, but at the time she'd been busy coordinating a dozen uniforms and trying to wrangle her detectives.

"It's not an ADA, at least we don't think so. There was no badge, but your business card was found with... _on_ the body."

Confusion clouded his handsome features. "What? Who could…" He started for the body bag, a pressing need to know overpowering his aversion to such things.

Olivia put her hand on his arm and shook her head. "You don't want to do that. She was out in the heat all day and it's just...better that you don't." She pulled out her phone, flipping to a photo, as two ME's assistants lifted the body onto a gurney behind them.

When he saw the picture he was grateful she'd stopped him from looking at the actual body. Even in photo form the clouded over brown eyes set in the ashen, heat bloated face was enough to turn his stomach, and he was grateful that he hadn't eaten since Olivia had stopped by for lunch over eight hours ago.

"I can't...I don't…" He tried to focus on her actual features and not the evidence of the weather accelerated decomp, but it was difficult. "I don't think I know who she is. I'm sorry."

She dropped the phone. "Okay. It's okay." She assured him, putting a hand gently on his elbow and leading him out of the way as the gurney was wheeled past them. The lamps that lit the pathways of the park kicked on as the sun continued to dip and she wondered if it was the lighting making his skin look so pale.

"But she had my business card?"

"It was super glued to her stomach." She found another picture and showed it to him. This one of just a nude torso, his card prominently displayed a couple inches above the bellybutton. "I guess he didn't want to risk it falling off."

Rafael suddenly felt light headed and his chest felt tight, like he'd lost the ability to take in any air. A woman was dead, _another_ woman was dead, and it was because of him. There was no doubt now. Somehow, in a way he couldn't figure out, this was his fault. And he didn't even know who she was. She'd lost her life because of him and he couldn't even tell Olivia her fucking name.

He tried to breathe in, tried to fight some much needed oxygen into his constricted lungs, but he was failing. Life's most basic task and he was unable to complete it. He put a hand on his chest, almost as if he could will it to expand, but he continued to struggle.

"Hey, hey, you're okay. You're okay." Olivia soothed, leading him over to a bench. Rafael sat numbly, his quick, shallow breaths emitting a wheezing sound that sent fear through her. She unbuttoned his vest and loosened his tie, trying to remove some of the constriction. At least he'd forgone his jacket due to the heat. "Breathe, Raf. Just breathe. C'mon, deep breaths." She looked around, spotting Melinda just starting to climb in the ME van. "Melinda!"

The doctor spotted her and immediately jumped down out of the van, rushing over.

"I think he's having a panic attack." Olivia said, standing up to move out of Melinda's way.

Without questioning the cause, Melinda knelt down in front of Rafael, putting her hands on his knees. "Look at me, Barba." Her tone was soft, but commanding. Olivia felt a little relief when he shifted his gaze from the ground to Melinda. "You are okay. It's just a panic attack. I just need you to take a slow, deep breath for me. Can you do that?"

Rafael gave an almost imperceptible nod, doing his best to follow her directions, taking a breath that was just the slightest bit deeper.

"That's good." Melinda encouraged. "That's good, just like that. Slow, deep breaths. You're okay."

Slowly, very very slowly, his breathing returned to normal and he started to get his color back. Olivia was flooded with relief. She'd had panic attacks of her own, but being on the outside of one, watching someone she loved suffer through it was almost more terrifying than experiencing it herself.

"Do you think you're okay?" Melinda asked, looking up at him. He nodded. "Okay, I'll let Olivia take it from here."

"Thank you, Melinda." Olivia told the doctor as she walked past her.

"Of course." Melinda put a reassuring hand on her arm briefly before continuing on her way.

Olivia returned to her position on the bench next to Rafael. She put a hand on his cheek, running her thumb over the planes of his face, not caring who saw. She just needed the connection.

He turned into her hand, closing his eyes for a moment, needing it as much as she did. When he finally opened his eyes, they were a deep emerald, a shade that would be breathtakingly beautiful if she didn't know that it was a sign that he was distressed. "There's not much more that can be done tonight. Let me take you home."

"Okay." His voice was rough, his throat dry from his quick, panicked breathing, but he stood, a little shaky on his feet, and took her hand.

* * *

He was quiet on the drive back downtown, but Olivia took solace in the sound of his deep, even breathing. She concentrated on it instead of the fear threatening to bubble up to the surface. It'd been her gut feeling all along that this centered on him, but having proof of it made her blood run cold.

"You don't have to park." Rafael told her when he realized she was searching for a spot on his block, the first words he'd spoken since they left the park. "Just drop me off."

"I thought that I might stay." She glanced over at him.

"Noah?"

"Lucy is going to stay with him. I asked her to when I first got called about the body, in case it was going to be a long night."

"Well, I don't need a babysitter." His tone wasn't angry, just matter of fact.

"I don't think you need a babysitter." Olivia finally eyed a space between a large black SUV and a Prius, the size of which only a seasoned New York driver could squeeze a car into. "I just thought that you could use the company, but if you want I'll go home." She said, but continued to maneuver the car next to the curb.

Even through the cloud of emotions he was feeling he still managed to be impressed with the skill she exhibited, sliding the car into the space with ease. "No. I'm sorry. Stay."

With the look he gave her she couldn't leave even if she tried. The vulnerability in his eyes made him look so young, not unlike the awkward teenager she'd seen in photos supplied by Lucia.

Once they were inside Rafael pulled his already loosened tie from his neck and kicked off his shoes. "Is it okay if we just go to bed?" It was only a little after ten, but he was exhausted.

"Of course." Olivia followed him to the bedroom and she found her bag that she kept in his closet. She didn't stay here often since with Noah it was easier for them to stay at her place, but she still kept things here just in case. It wasn't anything elaborate like the three suits hanging in garment bags in her closet, on a rotation of course to keep from repeating, but it was still a little part of her in his world.

They silently got ready for bed, following the routine they'd perfected over the weeks, taking turns sharing the sink.

Once under his plush duvet, Rafael stared at the ceiling and Olivia turned on her side to face him.

"Absolutely none of this is your fault." She finally broke their silence. She'd said the sentence hundreds of times over the course of her career, but maybe never with as much love and sincerity as she did when they left her lips in that moment.

He rolled to face her, burying his hands in her hair and kissing her tenderly, desperation vibrating just below the surface. Even when his lips pulled away he left his hand gripped in her hair, his forehead pressed against hers..

"I love you." He whispered finally, opening his eyes to meet hers.

"I love you too." She lifted her chin to kiss him briefly. "Are you okay?"

"Not even close." He shook his head as much as he could with their foreheads still touching. "Thank you for staying with me."

"I'm here for you always." Olivia promised, snuggling in close to him, her breath tickling his neck.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her even closer, holding on for dear life.

* * *

In the morning Olivia found him in the kitchen and he was Barba again. He sat at the island, which doubled as his kitchen table, sipping coffee as he studied the files spread out on the marble surface. Steel gray polka dot suspenders rested on a striped shirt and not a hair was out of place.

She was a little disappointed. Of course he was attractive in what she'd lovingly began referring to as his uniform, he was _always_ attractive, but she loved getting to see him first thing in the morning. She was sure very few people had ever seen him with sleep heavy eyes, hair standing every which way, cheeks covered in stubble, and she loved that she got the privilege.

"I feel underdressed." Olivia pulled at the hem of her long t-shirt as she made her way to the coffee pot.

He felt affection bloom warm in his chest when she took a drink of the coffee without a grimace. She'd grown used to his ridiculously strong home brew. He didn't think he'd ever been with a woman long enough for that to happen.

"If it were up to me that's what you'd wear to work." He smirked at her over the rim of his porcelain mug.

She fixed him with a scrutinizing gaze as she leaned back against the counter and brought her own mug to her lips for a welcome second sip. "You seem to be doing better."

He should have known flirting with her wouldn't distract her from the previous night's events.

Truthfully, he wasn't doing better, at all. He was tired, he was stressed, and he was embarrassed that a dozen uniforms and half of CSU had seen him have a break down at the crime scene. He'd had one other panic attack in his entire life and that was the night before he took the New York bar exam. At least then he'd had the decency to be alone in his apartment when it occurred.

But none of that compared to the guilt that was eating him alive. Every time he'd closed his eyes the night before all he'd seen was that photo on Olivia's phone, the victim's foggy eyes staring back at him. Finally, around 4am, careful not to wake Liv, he'd slipped out of bed, figuring if he wasn't going to sleep he could at least work.

"I'm...choosing to focus on work." He hedged. "I have the Wexler Tech grand jury this afternoon and I lost a lot of prep time."

She just nodded and sipped her coffee, watching as he returned his focus to the files, picking up his pen to scribble something on his legal pad.

"I want to get you a detail." She said finally, her tone calm.

He sighed and dropped his pen. He'd been waiting for this. "No."

"Raf, there's clearly some psycho out there with an axe to grind. How long until he gets impatient playing this little game and comes for you?"

"I'm sleeping with the toughest cop there is. I'm safe with you."

An involuntary smile flashed across her lips, but it disappeared almost immediately. "I appreciate the flattery, but I can't be with you 24/7."

"This guy isn't even after me. It seems he's hell bent on hurting women with a connection to me." Not that he had any idea who the latest victim was, but he was sure once she was identified it would come out that they'd crossed paths at some point. "By that logic, you should be the one with the security detail, not me."

"You just said it, I'm the toughest cop there is. I can take care of myself."

"So, we're in agreement. Neither of us need security." A cocky grin twitched at his lips as her eyes narrowed, but he managed to keep it at bay.

"I hate it when you lawyer me."

"It's a reflex. I can't help it."

She sat her mug on the counter and came around the island, resting her left elbow on the marble surface, facing him. "In that case, how about we make a deal, counselor?"

"I'm listening." He leaned in close to her.

"Why don't you work out of the precinct? If you need to go to the courthouse someone will escort you, and the rest of the time you'll be with me."

"So I get to spend more time with you and avoid having strangers follow me everywhere?" He skimmed his fingers absentmindedly up and down her bare thigh. "You drive a hard bargain, Lieutenant."

"So it's a deal?"

"It is. _If_ ," he added. "I can bring Carmen with me."

She laughed and looped her arms casually around his neck. "I'm sure we can find space for the both of you. My squad room isn't exactly overflowing with manpower these days."

"Then, yes, it's a deal." He placed a peck on her lips to seal the deal, a much more pleasant confirmation than a handshake. "And now that we've established how absolutely safe I'll be under your watchful eye, I need to tell you about something." Only adding to his guilt had been knowing that he was hiding the note from her. He couldn't bring back Jaclyn or the Jane Doe, but this he could fix.

"Why do I feel like you're about to piss me off?"

"Because I am."


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia pulled her arms from around Rafael's neck to cross them over her chest, narrowing her eyes at him. "What is it?"

"I got a note yesterday. It's probably nothing, just another stack to add to the crazies." He added quickly.

"What kind of note?" She asked when it was clear he wasn't going to elaborate.

"Just a plain card that said 'Did you get my present?' There's a slim possibility, it's referring to Jaclyn, but I highly doubt it."

Olivia's heart hammered in her chest, but she couldn't tell if it was from fear or anger. He was the most brilliant man she'd ever met, but sometimes he could be so stupid. Not only was there a distinct possibility that this note implied that he was in danger, but it was also evidence in their case.

"What the hell, Raf? Are you kidding me?"

"It's not a big deal." He argued.

"Not a big deal? A serial murder with a grudge against you sends you a threatening note and you think it's not a big deal?"

"Two murders doesn't make someone a serial..." Rafael trailed off when her expression turned to steel. He knew now was not the time to argue semantics.

Olivia paced back and forth in the small space, trying to get her temper under control. She didn't want to fight with him, she really didn't, but his behavior was reckless. Why couldn't he see that? No, she decided, he knew that it was. He just refused to acknowledge it, which was worse.

A thought struck her.

"When did you receive it? What time yesterday?"

He knew what she was getting at and cursed the way her mind worked, always focused on the minor details. "Look, I'm not one of your suspects. If you're going to interrogate me…" He deflected.

"Uh-uh, no. If you can lawyer me, then I can cop you. When did you get the note?"

He sighed. "When I got to my office after court."

"So _before_ I was there, which means you had it when I came by and you chose to not say anything about it. So, what? You're withholding evidence now?"

"No, I just knew if I told you that you'd worry and I didn't want to add any more stress to your life. It's honestly probably nothing, Liv. I get weird notes and letters all the time. The timing is just a coincidence."

"We'll determine that. Where is it?"

"In a drawer in my office. I'll bring it with me when I come to the station after court."

"Be sure that you do." She turned to walk away, but he reached out and took her hand, pulling her back to him. He turned on the stool so that she stood between his knees.

"I'm sorry. I really was only trying to keep you from worrying." He slid his hand down her arm to take her other hand as well. "Do you forgive me?"

Olivia had seen this look on his face only a couple times and it had always been when he'd been faking contrition for a judge, but this time it seemed genuine. "If you haven't realized by now, I worry no matter what, so I'd rather you not screw with my cases for fear of it."

He nodded his agreement.

She pulled her hands from his so she could put them on either side of his face. She leaned her whole body into him, kissing him softly. "And yes, I forgive you. This time." She warned, but there was no bite to it.

Relief flooded through him. He knew he would eventually screw this up, he always did, but he took comfort in the fact that it wasn't happening today. At least not yet. It was still early. "Thank you."

She just nodded, kissing him one more time before stepping back and returning to her coffee which had become lukewarm. Now she winced at the taste and poured the remainder of the cup in the sink.

Rafael flinched at the waste of his precious $80 per pound St. Helena's going down the drain, but he didn't say anything. She'd just forgiven him for a much worse offense.

His phone buzzed on the marble countertop and he picked it up, reading the message from Carmen. "I have to get to the office." He began gathering up his files and papers. "That dipshit Wexler attorney wants to meet."

"What are you doing?"

"Going to the office…"

"Did we not just agree that you weren't going places by yourself?"

He sighed. "I'll take a cab. Unless you think a sniper's gonna take me out in the five feet from the door to the curb."

Her expression was anything but amused. "Give me twenty minutes. I'll take you."

* * *

As Olivia pulled the car up in front of One Hogan Place Rafael had the distinct feeling of a child being dropped off at school. He half expected Liv to hand him a plastic Spider-Man lunch box and send him off with a "Have a good day, sweetie."

"I'll make sure someone is here to escort you to the courthouse for your grand jury." She said instead. "What time do you need to be there?"

It was ridiculous, he thought, that he couldn't be trusted to not get murdered in the three minute walk from his office to the courthouse. You agreed to this, remember? He told himself. But just because it was better than the alternative didn't mean he had to be happy about it.

He bit back the snarky retort that was on the tip of his tongue. "We start right after lunch."

She could tell he was annoyed, it wasn't like he ever hid when he was, but appreciated that he was trying not to take it out on her. "Raf, you know I'm doing this because I love you. I just don't want anything to happen to you."

He sighed and his features softened. "I know, mi guerrera. It's just so...infantilizing."

"Feeling like a child or dead…" She held her hands palms up, moving them up and down like a scale, weighing one option against the other.

He chuckled. She had a point. "I still don't think I'm in any danger, but I'll do it your way. And I'll do my best not to complain too much."

It was Olivia's turn to laugh. She believed that he would do his best, but didn't think that would actually stop the complaints from coming. "I guess that's all I can ask."

He leaned across the center console to kiss her, turning serious. "I love you, Liv."

"I love you, too."

"Be safe today."

"Always." She said reflexively before adding, "You too."

* * *

The assault of antiseptic and the unmistakable smell of death hit Olivia as she stepped into the morgue. It gave her a milliseconds' pause before she continued on her way, just like it had the other hundreds, maybe thousands, of times she'd made this same journey. It made her feel a little more human, knowing that it still affected her, and gave her reassurance that the job hadn't numbed her to the world's atrocities.

Going through the appropriate door, she found Jane Doe's body lying on the steel table in the middle of the autopsy suite, covered with a sheet from the neck down, her once tan skin now had a gray undertone. Melinda sat at a desk nearby, typing her report on a laptop, her back to the doorway.

"Hey, Melinda."

"Olivia." Melinda finished typing her sentence and then turned to face the Lieutenant. "How's Barba?"

"Physically he's fine. Otherwise...I'm not sure."

"Well, it's understandable I suppose. This wasn't pretty." Melinda stood and grabbed a clipboard from a holder that hung on the wall. "He went for the real deal this time."

"What do you mean?"

"Bruising, vaginal trauma, you name it. The sexual assault wasn't an afterthought this time."

Olivia was surprised. "Fluids?"

"Evidence of condom lubricant, but that's it." Melinda supplied.

"He left the knife again, did he use it this time?" The handle of the knife, which had been all of it that Olivia could see at the crime scene the night before, had seemed to be another standard household steak knife. She was sure that whenever they identified the victim they'd find one missing from her kitchen.

Melinda shook her head. "No, the knife was inserted post mortem, and only once. Ligature marks match your last vic." She continued. "Since I knew to look this time, I found the puncture wound from the needle. Besides the escalating sexual assault, everything is the same as Jaclyn Moore."

Olivia had already known it would be, but it was good for the case to have forensic confirmation. As Rafael always liked to remind her, he couldn't present her gut as evidence at trial.

"Get anywhere on the ID?"

"We're running her prints. I took dental x-rays, but…" Melinda trailed off, but Olivia knew the rest. Until they had records to compare them to they were useless.

"I've got my squad going through missing persons reports, seeing if they can find anyone matching her description. Hopefully something will pop soon."

"I'll send over my full report by the end of the day, but I'll let you know if we get a hit on her ID before then."

"Thanks, Melinda."

* * *

Rafael hadn't been able to get any actual work done all morning. Scott Macon, the attorney for Wexler Tech, had been waiting for him when he arrived at his office. Macon was still trying to argue that the grand jury testimony would significantly hurt his client's business. While Rafael had found it fun shutting him down and taking out some of his anger and frustration on the attorney, who was completely out of his depth when it came to criminal proceedings, it had taken up a significant chunk of his prep time.

Then he and Carmen had boxed up the files and anything else they thought they might need for their tenure at the precinct. Carmen, ever the rock, hadn't batted an eye when he'd explained the situation. She'd just gotten to work, making a list of everything that would need done and tracking down some boxes for them to use. He made a mental note to fight to get her a raise.

Now, finally, he had settled in at his desk to continue his grand jury prep, but his concentration was short lived. A groan of frustration escaped his lips when a knock sounded at his door.

"Yes?" He called gruffly.

"Sorry, Mr. Barba." Carmen said after opening the door. "Detective Rollins is here."

"Of course she is. Send her in, Carmen. Thank you."

Rollins replaced Carmen in the doorway, not bothering to close the door as she stepped into the office. "Hey, counselor. The Lieutenant sent me to get the note."

"I told her I'd bring it with me later. She didn't have to send you down here." He pulled the drawer open finding the card where it had been since the day before.

"She's not exactly big on patience." The scoff that she got in response reminded Amanda that she was preaching to the choir.

Rafael reached into the drawer, but Amanda stopped him.

"Wait. Let me." She slipped a glove onto her right hand and moved around the desk. "I don't want to get shit from you ever again about screwing up evidence. Your prints are probably all over this thing. You shouldn't have touched it at all."

Rafael clenched his jaw. "I know, but as I'm not clairvoyant I didn't know what it was until I opened it."

Rollins slipped the note into an evidence bag, sealing it shut and filling out the details on the front. Then she pulled out another bag. "Still have the envelope?"

"Yeah, it's…" He gestured to his desk then began picking up files and moving papers until he found it. "Here." He leaned out of her way so she could pick it up.

"Thanks." Once the second bag was sealed and filled out she moved back to the other side of his desk. "She also wanted me to get your threat binders."

A muscle worked in his jaw and Amanda expected a biting comment. Instead he said simply, "You can get them from Carmen."

"Okay, thanks."

Rafael assumed that was it and picked up his pen to get back to work, but Rollins didn't move. "Was there something else, Detective?"

"Actually, yeah. I'm also supposed to introduce you to the uniform that will be escorting you to and from the courthouse."

She looked to be fighting a smile and her eyes were gleeful, which concerned Rafael a great deal. Amanda crossed the room to stick her head into his outer office. "Get in here, Gibson."

The kid, there was no other way to describe him, stepped into the office cheerfully.

"Barba, this is Officer Gibson."

"Mr. Barba, it's an honor, sir." Gibson stuck out an enthusiastic hand.

Rafael reached out to shake it. "Did your mom write you a note to get out of study hall so you could be here?"

Gibson laughed a bit overzealously. "You're funny. They told me you were funny."

"That can't possibly be true." Rafael deadpanned.

Rollins, who was getting a little too much joy out of the interaction, jumped in. "Well, it seems like the two of you will get along just fine. Remember, Gibson, if Mr. Barba leaves the building you're to stay with him."

"Yes, ma'am, of course. I won't let him out of my sight."

She ignored the glare that Barba had fixed on her. "Good man. Later, Barba." She chimed as she left the office and he made a mental note to see if he could get Liv to put her on traffic duty for a day or two.

"So someone is trying to kill you, huh? That's pretty wild."

Rafael eyed Gibson with disbelief. "You know what, I have a while yet before I need to be at the courthouse. Can you wait outside while I get some work done?" He tried to keep his tone civil.

"Oh, sure, yeah. No problem. I'll just be right out here whenever you're ready to go."

When the door clicked behind him, Rafael picked up his phone to text Olivia.

 _You're so concerned for my safety, yet you sent a kindergartener to watch over me?_

It wasn't long before she replied.

 _ **Gibson is an experienced officer.**_

Even through the closed door he could still hear Gibson prattling tirelessly and he felt bad for Carmen. Not bad enough to do anything about it, but still.

 _He talks more than Carisi._ He tapped out quickly before hitting send.

 _ **I absolutely did not ask the patrol captain who his most chatty officer was. Nope not me.**_

Rafael's jaw dropped. This was payback. She might have forgiven him for the note, but she certainly hadn't forgotten, and probably wouldn't anytime soon. _You don't fight fair._

 _ **Remember that the next time you want to withhold evidence.**_

* * *

"Damn, Mr. Barba, you're awesome!" Gibson praised, following Rafael out of the grand jury room. "The way you played those guys. Just like Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men. 'You can't handle the truth!'"

"His character didn't say that." Rafael mumbled, though he was impressed Gibson even knew the movie considering he was probably an embryo when it was released.

"And that was just the grand jury. I can't wait to see you actually take those guys to trial!"

Rafael spotted Carisi further down the corridor, phone to his ear, and he'd never been so happy to see the detective in his life.

"Detective!" He called when Carisi ended his call and began to turn toward the exit. Rafael picked up his pace, reaching Sonny quickly, Gibson at his heels. "I'm so glad you're still here."

Surprise registered on Sonny's face. He was pretty sure the ADA had never actually been happy to see him before. "What's goin' on, counselor? Was there something wrong with my testimony?"

"No, no." Rafael waved it off. "You were great. Listen, since you're still here, maybe you can give me a ride to the precinct and let Officer Gibson here get back to his duties."

"Oh, Mr. Barba, it's no trouble." Gibson spoke up before Sonny could answer. "I'm actually supposed to stay with-"

Rafael held up a hand, cutting him off. "You have that lead in the case that you wanted to run by me, right detective?" He gave Carisi a look that said he'd better play along.

"Uh, yeah...that's right. The case." Sonny nodded slowly.

Gibson looked dejected and Rafael decided to throw him a bone. "Officer Gibson, there is one way you can help."

"Of course, Mr. Barba." He immediately perked back up.

"Can you go by my office and help Carmen bring my files and things to the precinct?" He again felt a pang of guilt leaving poor Carmen to deal with this chatterbox. It would definitely have to be a big raise for her, he decided.

"Sure thing." Gibson nodded.

"Not a word." Rafael told Sonny in response to the amused smile that spread across the detective's face as Gibson hurried down the hallway, eager to carry out Rafael's request.

Sonny held up his hands. "I wasn't gonna say anything."

* * *

Olivia was walking out of her office as Rafael and Sonny walked into the squad room and she stopped, crossing her arms. "Where's Gibson?"

"Making much better use of himself as a courier than as a bodyguard, I assure you." Rafael remarked.

"And you played a part in this, Carisi?"

Carisi, now aware that he'd stumbled into something, stuttered. "Lieu, I didn't...I was just at the courthouse and...I mean Barba just…"

"Oh, relax, Carisi." Barba rolled his eyes. "He didn't know." He directed at Liv.

"Hate to break up the fun," Fin said, returning his desk phone to its cradle. "But we've got an ID on our victim."

All playful banter ceased and the three of them turned to face Fin.

"Who is she?" Olivia asked.

"Hudson student by the name of Marisol Cordova."

"No." Rafael whispered, the calm before the storm. "God dammit!" He flung his briefcase across the squad room and it smacked the wall, the sound echoing as everyone in the room froze. He ran his hand through his hair before turning on his heel and storming from the room.

"I got it." Olivia assured them, following him out into the hallway.

Carisi looked at Fin once Olivia was gone. "What the hell was that?"

"Whatever it is, it's not good."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: This chapter is really dense, but if you make it to the end you'll be rewarded with some (poorly written) smut.

Also, I have some family in town starting tomorrow, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write this week. I'll try really hard to still update, but I can't promise anything. And as always thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

The hallway was empty which meant Rafael must have taken the stairs. There was no way their notoriously slow elevator had arrived that fast. Olivia decided to do the same, taking the flights quickly.

The late summer heat assaulted her as she burst out of the precinct, prepared to have to chase him down the sidewalk, but she stopped short when she found him sitting on the steps instead. She knew he must be upset if he wasn't concerned with his expensive trousers touching the grimey precinct steps.

"I figured I'd get chastised for going anywhere alone." He mumbled in explanation.

Olivia moved to sit next to him, but realized that they'd be blocking the entirety of the narrow entrance. "Want to walk?" She asked instead.

He stood without a word and she held out her hand, threading her fingers through his as they made their way down the sidewalk. They were both quiet for the first block, but finally Olivia spoke up, keeping her tone soft. "Who was she?"

Rafael inhaled a ragged breath, continuing to face forward when he spoke. "One of my last, and worst, cases in Brooklyn, this girl, only 15, was on her way home from volleyball practice. Not late, but it was dark. This group of guys pulled over in their car and grabbed her. They brutalized her." He shook his head, jaw clenching.

"They took turns raping her, sometimes more than one at time. They beat her, not just with their fists, but with anything they could find. And when they were done they left her, naked, in a pile of garbage."

Olivia cringed at the horrific scene he painted, but didn't say anything, just gave his hand a gentle squeeze. She thought of Amelia Albers, her violent gang rape and extensive injuries, and how kind and gentle Rafael had been with her.

Now she knew that the case must have reminded him of Marisol. It had to have been hard for him, but he hadn't let it show. Back then he still had his armor up, even with her. At least now he didn't have to deal with this alone.

Sweat peppered their brows and pooled at their backs, but they continued to wander aimlessly, turning down streets with no real destination in mind. She didn't think he was really with her anyway, instead his mind was back in Brooklyn all those years ago.

"Her internal injuries were extensive. If she'd been found any later the doctors probably wouldn't have been able to stop the bleeding, but they did. And Liv," he finally turned to look at her, tears shining in his eyes, and her heart hurt knowing that this was hitting him so hard.

"She was so strong." He continued. "She described all three of them to a T, every tattoo, every scar. She knew the make and model of the car. She never once waivered. And at trial she looked every one of them in the eye as she testified, putting the nails in their coffins.

"She survived all of that, left for dead in a literal pile of _garbage_ , but she survived. And now, because of me, she's dead."

Olivia had the urge to tell him, again, that it wasn't his fault, but she knew that he wouldn't believe her and that wasn't what he needed right now. No, he just needed someone to listen, so he could get it all out now, before they were back in the precinct in front of their coworkers. So she remained quiet.

He stopped walking, finally realizing how oppressive the heat was now that he was back in the present. He peeled off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, draping the jacket over his arm before taking her hand again. Now they turned back toward the precinct, silent for a few blocks.

"She emailed me. Marisol." Rafael said after a while. "When she got into Hudson. She...she thanked me for all I had done for her and said if I hadn't put them away she probably wouldn't have been able to move on. If only she'd only known..." He trailed off with a shake of his head, but then a thought occurred to him. "Her mom...she probably doesn't even know does she?"

"Someone from the squad will do the notification. They might have already left to do it." She added, thinking about how long they'd been gone.

"How do you do that? Tell a person that someone they loved more than anything is gone, taken from them in the most horrific of ways?"

She knew it was rhetorical, he wasn't really asking for tips on telling someone that their loved one was dead, but she felt compelled to say something anyway. "You do it in the gentlest way possible, and then you assure them that you're going to find whoever did this and make them pay."

He knew her words were meant for him, to reassure him that whoever was out there doing this would be caught, and he knew if anyone could do it it was Olivia and her team. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back of it before dropping their hands back between them.

As the precinct came into view she felt, before she saw, his posture change. His slumped, defeated shoulders squared off, his armor falling back into place as his head rose to level his gaze at the building like it was an arena for battle. She supposed it was in some ways.

"You don't have to do this, you know? You could go home and no one would judge you for it."

Rafael shook his head. He wouldn't be scared away from his work. That's what this guy wanted. "No. I need to work."

Olivia understood, probably more than most, that it wasn't a want to work, but a _need_ to work. It was something she felt down to her bones every day and she knew that he did too.

Back inside the squad room Fin and Carisi were gone, but they found Carmen and Gibson waiting for them, the latter leaned up against Carisi's empty desk, talking a mile a minute while Carmen looked less than interested.

"Mr. Barba." Carmen greeted, sounding relieved.

"Oh, hey, Counselor, Lieutenant." Gibson turned to face them. "I was just telling Carmen here that-"

"Officer Gibson, thank you so much for your help today." Olivia interrupted. "Mr. Barba will actually be working here for the evening so he won't need an escort any longer. You can go back downstairs and resume your regular duties." She'd had her fun tormenting Rafael with the chatty uniform, but he didn't need any additional stress at the moment.

"Oh. Okay. Yeah, sure." Gibson removed his hip from Carisi's desk. "If you need anything…"

"I'll get in touch with your captain, absolutely." She patted his shoulder as he walked by on his way to the door. "Good job today, Gibson."

The officer beamed at the praise and Rafael felt his heart pull yet again at what a good leader, a good _person_ , Olivia was. Much better than he could ever dream of being.

"I'll get you two set up and then I need to track down my detectives." Olivia said once Gibson was gone.

"Detectives Rollins and Carisi went to Hudson University to speak with your victim's roommate and to search her dorm. Sergeant Tutuola went to speak with her mother." Carmen supplied.

"When this is all over I might keep you." Olivia grinned.

"Over my dead body." Rafael declared. "Which, hey, may happen, so Carmen at least you have job security."

"Not funny." Olivia said while Carmen bit back a smile, amused by her boss's dark sense of humor.

"Sorry." Rafael said, even though he didn't really look it.

Olivia led them up the stairs, each of them carrying a box of files, to a small space that Rafael had never seen before. It was maybe 10 square feet and held only a table with four chairs. The surface was small, but still had enough room for he and Carmen to work.

"This used to overlook the squad room before the remodel." Olivia explained. "No one really uses it anymore. I figure it's the quietest place for you to work." She sat her box on the table.

"Thanks, Liv."

"Of course. If you need anything you know where to find me."

As she descended the stairs Deputy Chief Dodds stepped into the squad room and she did her best to suppress a groan. She was not in the mood to deal with the powers that be, but heavy lies the crown.

"Chief, what can I do for you?"

"I need an update. Have you gotten anywhere?"

"We've just ID'd our latest victim." Olivia gave him a quick rundown, mentioning that Marisol had been a victim in one of Barba's cases, but leaving out his reaction to the news.

"Is he okay? Do I need to talk to the DA, have him pulled?"

Olivia shook her head. "I don't think that's necessary."

"Are you sure you can be objective in the matter?" Dodds asked pointedly.

No, she thought, but said instead, "Of course I can. Barba got justice for Marisol once. He'll do it again."

Dodds just nodded, not entirely convinced but deciding not to press the issue. "Do you have any leads at all?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I wish that we did. We've been searching like crimes and my team has started going through the threats that Barba's received." She'd started to leaf through one of the binders when Rollins had brought them over earlier in the day, but after the third one explaining in detail how they were going to eviscerate Rafael, she'd decided that maybe she wasn't the right person for the job.

"My detectives are out talking to people who knew the vic and we're waiting on the official autopsy report and forensics to come back. Until then, or until we find the actual crime scene, we don't have much to go on."

Dodds shook his head grimly, "I don't have to tell you about the pushback I'm getting from my superiors on this."

No, Olivia thought, he didn't, but he was going to anyway.

Upstairs, Rafael and Carmen settled into their new accommodations, Rafael already missing his plush leather chair and top of the line coffee brewer. Maybe tomorrow he could get Gibson to throw them into the back of his squad car and bring them over. He smiled at the thought.

"I apologize for saddling you with Gibson today." He told Carmen over top of their laptop screens once they had everything set up. It occurred to him that this would probably be the longest they'd ever occupied the same space. Sure, they chatted occasionally, but mostly they just breezed in and out of rooms the other was in, Rafael stopping by her desk to grab messages on his way through to his office, Carmen popping in to let him know about a visitor or to remind him of a meeting he was late for. He realized that he didn't know much about Carmen besides the fact that she was excellent at her job, while she knew pretty much all of his personal details.

Carmen just lifted her shoulder in a small shrug. "I've dealt with worse."

He envied her go with the flow attitude, nothing ever seemed to rattle her. "Well, in any case…"

They settled into a comfortable silence while Rafael reviewed the grand jury testimonies from that afternoon and Carmen did, well, whatever it was that Carmen did to keep his life, at least his professional life, running smoothly.

"Dammit, I think we forgot the…" He dug through a stack of files on the tabletop only to glance up to find Carmen holding out the file that he needed. "Listen, don't tell Liv, but you are the most important woman in my life."

It was then that a thought struck him, a thought that sent ice through his veins. "I'll be right back." He slid his chair back forcefully before hopping up, leaving a confused Carmen behind him.

Dodds was exiting the squad room as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Bad news?" Rafael asked Olivia, worried that yet another body had been found.

"He just came by for an update and to give the not so subtle hint that we need to solve this fast." She tilted her head, taking in the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

"Marisol was a minor when she was raped. Her files were sealed." He watched as the implications became clear to her, but he voiced them anyway. "This guy could know way more about my life than we thought. My mother, Carmen…"

He was right. Anyone could know that he'd worked with Jaclyn in Brooklyn, but getting into sealed court files spoke of someone with access.

"I'll put uniforms on both of them."

"Someone you trust."

"Yes, of course." Olivia assured him.

"You thought it was hard getting me to deal with a detail, wait until Lucia Barba hears about this." He grimaced at the thought.

* * *

"Mami...Mami would you just…" Rafael sighed in frustration before rattling off a string of Spanish so fast that it was hard for even Olivia's practiced ear to pick up on all of it.

He'd been pacing in front of her desk, arguing with Lucia, for nearly twenty minutes. At first, from what Olivia could tell, Lucia had freaked out over the fact that all of this had been going on and Rafael had kept it from her. Now they had finally gotten around to Rafael explaining to her that she was in danger and it had only gotten worse.

"Mami, they'll sit outside the school, outside your apartment, and drive you back and forth. That's it." He rubbed his fingers across his forehead, closing his eyes. "No, they will not follow you to the bathroom. You're being ridic...Mami…"

Olivia shook her head, fighting a smile at the karmic payback as she turned back to her laptop. A thought had been nagging at her since they'd discovered Marisol's body and at the mention of Lucia she'd finally realized what it was. The map on the screen confirmed her fears and the smile dropped from her face. "Raf," she whispered, waving a hand to get his attention.

He turned to look at her with a curious expression, holding the phone away from his mouth, but still to his ear where Lucia continued to insist that she would be fine. Olivia spun her laptop so it faced him. She drew an invisible line with her finger and Rafael followed it with his eyes, bringing the bottom of the phone back to his cheek. "Mami, you're getting the detail, they're already on their way and you have no say in the matter. I'll call and check on you later. Te quiero mucho."

He ended the call, even as Lucia continued to protest, and sank into one of the chairs across from Olivia. "So we can assume the dump site wasn't random." Rafael looked at the map again, and traced the same invisible line that Olivia had drawn earlier. The location where Marisol's body had been left lined up with Marcy Place and Jerome Ave, his childhood address. "Only across the river so that it was a Manhattan SVU case and not the Bronx."

"You were right to be worried about your mom and Carmen. Are there any other women who you're close to?" She kept her tone professional, not wanting him to think that there was an ulterior motive to her asking.

He shook his head, the corner of his mouth tilted up. "Just you, my love."

"What about Rita? Or...or Yelina?"

Her questions were again met with a shake of his head. "Rita would balk at you saying she's one of the women in my life, but I'll let her know what's going on. Not that she'd ever accept security. And Yelina...after everything that happened she took the kids to live near her parents in Miami."

Olivia tamped down the urge to ask him how he knew that. "Okay, well, at least we have everyone covered then. He won't be able to get to them. I promise."

He wished she wouldn't promise something that she had no control over, but he knew she'd do everything she could to keep her word.

* * *

They actually made it home before Noah's bedtime which helped to lighten both of their moods. It was hard stay sullen while being regaled with the latest preschool dramas. Later, after Rafael, at Noah's insistence - "Sorry, mommy, but Barba does the _best_ voices!" - read Noah his bedtime story, and they spent a couple more hours on the couch working side by side, they finally collapsed, exhausted, into bed.

Rafael wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and resting his head on her shoulder, breathing in her clean, flowery scent. He was thankful to be able to end the day with her tucked in his arms, helping to anchor him when he felt completely adrift.

"I love you, Raf." Olivia said quietly into the dark.

"I love you too, mi guerrera." His breath was warm on her neck and it sent tingles down her spine.

She shifted so that she was angled toward him, running her hand up his bare arm and over his shoulder, grazing her fingers over the stubble that had appeared on his cheeks before reaching up to lovingly push back the curl of hair that had fallen over his forehead.

He slipped his hand underneath the hem of her thin t-shirt, needing the feel of her skin under his fingertips, and he sighed with content when they made contact.

Just the feel of his hand on her body was enough for desire to stir low in her belly and she leaned forward to capture his lips with hers. Their kiss was slow and languid, his tongue stroking gently into her mouth, her fingers threading through his hair. He continued to explore underneath her shirt sliding his hand up and moaning against her mouth as he discovered that she wasn't wearing a bra. He massaged one breast, swirling his thumb over her nipple before giving the other the same attention.

Sliding his hand back down he let it dip into the waistband of her panties, slipping a long finger between her folds and brushing over her clit before dipping it down toward her center where he could feel her wetness starting to build.

He started to pull his hand back out, intending just to tease, but lightning quick she grabbed his wrist and pushed it back down. "Don't you dare." She said breathlessly before covering his mouth with hers once again.

He chuckled against her lips, sliding one finger deep inside of her, swallowing her moan as he used his thumb to massage her swollen nub. When she dripped over him he added a second finger, crooking them to hit just the right spot.

"Jesus, Raf." She gasped, gripping his shoulder as his fingers continued to expertly work inside of her.

"That's it, mi amor." He purred in her ear, nipping at the lobe as her breathing began to quicken. Timing it perfectly he kissed his way along her jaw, reaching her lips just in time to silence her cries as her release tore through her. As much as he enjoyed the sounds of her pleasure he didn't want to wake up Noah.

He kissed her lips again, quick and chaste, pulling his hand from its place inside her underwear. Olivia knew he would leave it at that if she wanted, content to give her pleasure and not worry about his own, but that was the last thing she wanted. She could feel him pressing into her hip and she ran a hand down his bare torso before tugging at the waistband of his boxer briefs. "I need you inside of me, please Raf."

Rafael didn't need to be asked twice. He slid his underwear down his legs, kicking them off before rolling so that he straddled her. He tugged at the bottom of her shirt and she arched her back, lifting off of the bed just enough so that he could pull it over her head. Something flashed in his eyes, a mixture of anger and concern, and she remembered the bruise on her shoulder.

"It's fine. _I'm_ fine." She assured him, reaching down to gently stroke him, his skin like silk in her hand, his hips jerking involuntarily at her touch.

He leaned over her, placing his lips on the deep purple mark at her shoulder before trailing kisses across her collarbone and down her chest, taking extra care as he always did, to move his lips over her scars, lovingly placing soft lips on the raised ridges of skin. They were proof of how incredibly strong she was, but also a reminder of a time he had failed her so greatly it had nearly cost her her life. Every time he saw them he promised himself that he would never let her down again, that he'd put himself in harm's way before letting anyone hurt her again.

This was his thought as he slipped her panties down her legs and finally slid inside of her, slow and deep. He moaned as her warmth enveloped him, thinking that this was as close to heaven as he would ever get.

Rafael moved in long, slow strokes, wanting to make it last as long as he could. Here, like this, with her body wrapped around him, a look of pure bliss on her face, there was nothing else - no threats to their safety, no unspoken rules telling them that they couldn't be affectionate with one another. They weren't a Lieutenant and an ADA, they were just Liv and Raf, and he wanted nothing more than to stay that way, safe inside the bubble of her bedroom.

He bent down, nibbling at her lips as she gripped his shoulders and rolled her hips against his, matching his rhythm perfectly. He kissed her cheeks, her jaw, her ear, dipping his head down to nuzzle at her neck. "God, you feel so good." He whispered against her skin.

Olivia hummed her response, sliding her hands from his shoulders to his back, digging her nails in just enough for him to feel it. She felt him smirk against her neck, but he took the hint and set a steadier pace, picking up speed as he felt his orgasm building.

"God, Raf, just like that." Olivia panted as he shifted, changing his angle.

For the second time that night her body shook as pleasure washed through her, Rafael swallowing her moans as she came. The combination of the moans vibrating in her chest and her walls tightening around him were his undoing and his hips stuttered as waves of ecstasy rocked through his body.

He collapsed on top of her, doing his best not to put his full body weight on her, but not doing a great job of it in his weakened state. He dropped his forehead to her shoulder, feeling her chest rise and fall with heavy breaths that matched his own.

Olivia stroked his back lazily, running one hand up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, enjoying the weight of him on top of her.

They needed to move, to get dressed so that Noah wasn't traumatized when he came to jump on them in the morning, to get some sleep before they had to get up and face the monsters that roamed the streets of their city, but for now they stayed as they were, enjoying one another for just a little while longer before letting the real world back in.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I'm really glad I was still able to squeeze out an update this week. Sorry that it's later than usual.

* * *

"Okay, Rollins, Carisi, what did you find out at Hudson?" Olivia asked the next morning. The team was seated around the conference table for their morning briefing with Olivia standing at the white board adding notes as they spoke.

"The last time the roommate, Isabell, saw her was the morning of the murder." Amanda supplied.

"She didn't worry when Marisol didn't come home that night?" Rafael asked, spinning his paper coffee cup slowly on the table top.

"They'd just moved in for the fall semester a week ago, Isabell said she thought maybe it was normal for her to stay out all night. Plus she was pretty sure Marisol had a boyfriend and thought maybe she was staying with him." Carisi explained.

"Boyfriend?" Olivia questioned.

"Julian Malone." Fin jumped in. "Her mom said they met in a class last year. Lives in an apartment off campus paid for by mommy and daddy. Got no answer at the apartment, but according to the school he's been out of town the last couple of days for a cross country meet."

Carisi leaned back in his chair, rubbing a hand over his chin. "We think she may have been killed in his apartment, that maybe she was there even though Maxwell wasn't. There was definitely no sign of anything going down in the dorm and this guy doesn't seem like the grab them off the street type."

"Think you can get us a warrant for the apartment?" Olivia asked Barba.

"On a hunch with no actual evidence that Marisol was ever there? No." Rafael wanted to catch whoever was doing this more than anyone, but he still couldn't miraculously pull warrants out of thin air. "When does he get back?" He directed at no one in particular.

Rollins spoke up. "Supposed to be this afternoon."

"I want someone on his apartment and on campus. Figure out his class schedule. I want to know the second he's back in the city so that we can talk to him." Olivia ordered. "In the meantime, Warner sent over her official autopsy report on Marisol. Aside from the rape, everything lines up with Jaclyn - puncture wound in the neck, but official cause of death is strangulation. Tox screen isn't back yet, but we know it's going to show phenobarbital."

"Not to go all Munch on you," Fin commented. "But is it possible this is someone on the inside?"

"It's been too long since we've had a good conspiracy theory around here." Olivia rested her hip on edge of the table, settling in. "Give it to us."

"Well, think about it. They know details about Barba that the public can't get, they access sealed records, and the kicker - right when you're about to hand this case over to homicide he rapes the next victim so it stays our case."

"You think a _cop_ is doing this?" Carisi was incredulous.

"A cop, a DA, a CO with connections..." Fin listed.

"We know that there are a bunch of supposed 'good guys' that don't exactly have the warm and fuzzies for Barba, but to do this?" Amanda knew, perhaps better than most, that there were some bad people wearing the uniform, but it was still hard to imagine one raping and murdering women as a part of a sick vendetta.

Olivia's eyes found Rafael, surprised that he had no objection to being talked about like he wasn't sitting right there, but he was staring at the table, still twirling his coffee cup. She could see the wheels turning in his head and could tell that he agreed with Fin. Perhaps he'd even thought of it earlier, but hadn't voiced it because he knew it would be met with the same skepticism that Fin was getting now.

"It's worth considering." She said to the group and this brought Rafael's gaze up, just the hint of surprise on his face.

"So what do we do?" Carisi asked.

"Keep a tight circle." Olivia advised. "This case just became need to know only. Be careful who you talk to. We can't do this completely alone, so I need names of uniforms you trust."

They all just nodded their agreement, the possibility that it was a fellow officer who was responsible for these horrific acts weighing heavily on them all.

When they dispersed a few minutes later, Carmen was waiting, a stack of envelopes in her hands.

"An intern brought your mail over." She explained to Barba. "I wasn't sure what I should do with it given the circumstances."

"I'll take it." Olivia said before Rafael had a chance to answer.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "No, you won't. There is private correspondence in there, information on cases."

"But you don't have attorney client privilege with anyone, you work for the state."

"That doesn't matter. It's my mail. If there's something that warrants your attention I'll pass it along."

While they argued Carmen just stood there, sweeping her gaze back and forth like it was a tennis match. Sometimes these two were exhausting.

"Fine." Olivia held up her hands in defeat. She found a box of gloves sitting on top of a filing cabinet and pulled out two, handing them to Rafael. "At least wear these."

He sighed and rolled his eyes, but took the gloves wordlessly, putting them on with only a little difficulty before taking the stack of mail from Carmen. "Thank you, Carmen."

Carmen knew when she was being dismissed, so she just nodded and headed for the stairs to get back to work while Rafael followed Olivia into her office.

He did a cursory flip through the stack, hoping to satisfy Olivia by showing her there was nothing suspect in the pile, but his hands froze when he reached an envelope with that familiar precise lettering spelling out his name and address.

He sat the rest of the envelopes on her desk and held the offending one in both hands, staring down at it as Olivia stepped closer to get a look.

"Hold on." She said, circling around to the other side of her desk and rummaging through a drawer, coming up with a letter opener. "A leftover from Cragen." She explained, setting it down to easily slip on a pair of gloves before picking it back up and holding her free hand out to Rafael. "Can I?"

He handed her the envelope wordlessly and she slipped the blade in the top, slicing it open to hopefully preserve any DNA on the seal of the envelope.

She dropped the letter opener on the desk next to the stack of Rafael's forgotten mail and pulled the white index card out of the envelope. Her eyes widened as she read the message, then she flipped the card around, holding it up for Rafael to read.

 **It's just the beginning.**

The thick black marker strokes stood out against the white background, taunting him, and Rafael clenched his jaw. "Like I didn't already fucking know that."

Olivia opened another desk drawer, pulling out two evidence bags, sealing up both the card and the envelope, quickly filling out the details on the front of each bag.

"You won't find anything on it. No prints, no DNA, just like the last one. Just like Jaclyn's apartment."

"Sometimes your optimism is overwhelming." She scoffed even though she knew he was right. "And even if that's true we still have to try."

A rough knock sounded against her doorframe and it made them both jump.

"Sorry to interrupt," Fin said, stepping in to stand next to Barba at Olivia's desk. "But I might have something."

"What is it?" Olivia tried her best not to feel hopeful since every other lead they'd had in this case had turned out to be nothing.

"I opened up the search for like crimes. Instead of knives I did a search for any object left in the victim's body and one came back that was interesting." Fin handed Olivia the printout he was holding.

"Richard Swain?"

Rafael tilted his head. "Why do I know that name?"

"Your old firm represented him." Fin explained. "Swain was a bank executive who murdered four women back in the late nineties. Never raped, but he always left an object inside his victims. The cops on the case thought it was just whatever was nearby - even used a toothbrush once."

Olivia winced at the thought. "Shouldn't he still be rotting in jail?"

"He was paroled last month. He took a deal originally and you know they gotta make room for all those drug offenders, so now he's out."

"Fin." Olivia warned. She agreed with her sergeant on the burden that mandatory minimums placed on their prison system, but now wasn't the time. "You worked on his case?" She asked Rafael.

He shook his head, remembering the case once he heard the details. "I was an associate at the time. Klein, one of the partners, handled it. I did a few of the briefs. We all did, it was a big case, but my name wouldn't be anywhere on it."

"Well, your buddy Klein got him a sweet deal. I'd say twenty years for four homicides is getting off easy. He never even should have had the possibility of parole."

Rafael couldn't fault the Sergeant for his hostility, but still, "He was just doing his job."

"This doesn't make sense." Olivia jumped in before Fin could go on a diatribe regarding his feelings toward defense attorneys. "You probably weren't even on Swain's radar. If this is him, why the grudge against you?"

Rafael just shrugged.

She turned back to Fin. "Where is Swain now?"

"I put a call in to his PO. I'm waiting on him to call me back."

"Well, if you don't hear soon, just go down there. We need to get this guy in the box asap." She held up the evidence bags with the latest note and envelope. "And can you get these to the lab for me please?"

"You got it." Fin took the bags before heading back out into the squad room.

"Ready to take a trip down memory lane?"

"Another one?" Rafael scoffed, but then gave her a small nod. "Let's go."

* * *

When Rafael and Olivia walked into Haverfeld, Stenson, & Klein, it was nothing like the first time he'd stepped through those ominous glass doors. He'd practically trembled with nerves at the idea of working for the prestigious firm, terrified that they'd realize they made a mistake and send him packing.

The office was pretty much the same, sure sleek laptops had replaced clunky desktops and modern glass gleamed where conference room walls had been, but the air still felt the same.

The fact that he didn't recognize the receptionist didn't surprise them. They rotated in and out like clockwork, leaving either when they'd tired of Haverfeld's advances or he tired of being turned down, whichever came first. At the desk today was a pretty brunette, dressed in a professional button down and pencil skirt. He imagined Haverfeld was disappointed in the lack of skin.

"Hi," Olivia approached the desk, flashing her badge, a move that Rafael found attractive no matter how many times he saw her do it. "I'm Lieutenant Benson, Manhattan SVU. And this is ADA Rafael Barba. We'd like to speak with Maxwell Klein please."

"Mr. Klein is in with a client, but if you'd like to wait, I can let him know that you're here."

Olivia knew she could try to intimidate her way back to the lawyer's office, but since they needed cooperation she decided to play by the rules. "Of course. No problem."

The receptionist showed them to a small waiting area, offering them tea or coffee which they declined even though Barba was regretting it. They had great coffee here.

"I can't believe you used to work here." Olivia said, leaning forward to look down the hallway, just taking in the space.

"Why?"

"It just seems so…"

"Look, I golf with Judge Sanders, so if he's got the cash, I can get him time served and then we should have no problem getting him reinstated as CEO." A thirty-something man, with slicked back hair and an expensive suit passed down the hallway, not even noticing their presence as he spoke to whoever was on the other end of his call.

"Sleazy." Olivia finished once he was gone.

Rafael chuckled to himself. "It wasn't that bad, at least when I was here. Sure, there were some not so great clients who just used their money to get out of things, but we, I, actually did some good work here." He turned to give her a smirk. "Besides, you didn't know me back then. Maybe I was sleazy."

She shook her head. "I don't think so. Arrogant, abrasive, assholish, sure, but I don't think you've ever been sleazy."

"Thanks...I think. And I'm pretty sure assholish isn't a word."

She shrugged, giving him a wink. "Still works."

"Mr. Klein will see you now." The receptionist reappeared, gesturing toward the hallway. They followed her to a tastefully decorated corner office. "Lieutenant Benson and ADA Barba." She announced before retreating from the room.

"Rafael!" Maxwell Klein's voice boomed as he came around the desk with a smile. He shook Rafael's outstretched hand, but then pulled him into a hug.

"Good to see you, Max. This is Lieutenant Benson." Rafael said once he'd been released.

"It's a pleasure." Maxwell gripped Olivia's hand.

"Uh, the pleasure is mine as well." He was not what Olivia had expected. According to the quick search she'd done on him before coming down here, Maxwell was in his mid-sixties, but he was tall and fit, and his face barely showed any lines, the only hint at his age showing in the bit of gray that flecked his dark hair at the temples.

Rafael smirked at her reaction, but didn't say anything.

"Please, have a seat." He gestured to the two chairs in front of his desk while he circled around to sit in his plush, leather one. "This guy," He pointed at Rafael as the two of them sat. "Will always be the one that got away. He was a shark."

"A shark, huh?" Olivia looked at Rafael, maybe she'd been wrong about the sleazy thing.

"Oh you should have seen him, he-"

"Max, we're actually here on important business." Rafael interrupted, not really wanting Olivia to be regaled with stories from his past.

"Right, of course." Max's face turned serious. "What can I do for you?"

"Richard Swain."

"Wow, that's a name I haven't heard in a long time." Max leaned back in his chair. "What about him?"

"You didn't handle his parole petition?" Olivia asked.

"No," Max shook his head, not offering any further explanation.

"Can I ask why?"

He paused, thinking of how much he could say. "I'll just say that I believe after a bit of time he wasn't happy that we'd told him to take the deal."

"But he was guilty, wasn't he?"

Max tilted his head. "You know I can't speak to that. What's this all about."

"We think he may be killing again." Rafael explained. "You've seen the stories in the papers?"

"That DA? And the college student? You think it was Richard?"

Barba nodded. "There are...similarities between their murders and the ones Swain committed. Plus…" He hesitated, not sure how much information to trust his old colleague with. "We think he may have something against me."

"You? Why? You weren't even on the case."

It'd been two decades, but Olivia didn't doubt that his memory was sharp, plus this matched with Rafael's recollection. "That's what we're trying to find out. Is there anything at all that you can tell us about him?"

The attorney genuinely looked sorry as he shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I really can't. He may no longer be a client, but attorney/client privilege is still intact. Unless he waives it, I can't say anything."

Olivia thought she'd try one more tactic. "Is it possible, at least, to go back through your files to see if Raf...Mr. Barba's name appears on any of the paperwork. If there's anything that might have caused Swain to have a grudge."

"Of course. I'll have my assistant do that today."

"Thanks, Max." Rafael stood and Olivia followed suit.

"It was good to see you, Rafael, even under the circumstances. And if you ever want to start making actual money again, there's always a spot for you here."

"Thanks, but," he glanced at Olivia. "I'm good where I'm at."

In the elevator Olivia felt Rafael staring at her. "What?"

"Thinking of trading me in for an older model?"

"What are you talking about?" She went for indignant, but her blush betrayed her.

"I saw you giving him the googly eyes." He teased, tickling her side.

"I was just caught off guard, that's all. I was expecting a stuffy old man, not…" She trailed off, deciding to quit while she was ahead.

"Not someone who clearly spends more time skiing and hiking than he does in the office?" Rafael finished.

Olivia remained silent as they exited the elevator. Smart move, he thought with a grin.

He took her hand as they made their way across the lobby. "You're thinking about him hiking aren't you?" It was fun to tease her. She wasn't the first woman to take notice of Maxwell Klein and she wouldn't be the last.

"No!" She objected and he laughed, bringing her hand to his lips, and she narrowed her eyes at him. "Yep, assholish definitely fits."

"Well, you're the one in love with an asshole."

"Yeah, yeah…" She rolled her eyes, but then her lips curved into a smile as they stepped out onto the sidewalk.. "So, I want to hear about Barba the shark."

* * *

"Hey, here were go." Carisi tapped Amanda on the shoulder before flinging open the car door. He stood outside the entrance of the apartment building, waiting on the young man who approached, a large duffle bag thrown over his shoulder.

"That's him." Amanda confirmed, even though he already knew.

"Julian Malone." Carisi said once the kid had reached them.

"Yeah?" Julian used his free hand to brush a swoop of blonde hair out of his eyes. Amanda could see how a young college girl would find him attractive, he was tall and lean with blue eyes to go along with the blonde hair.

Sonny moved his jacket to the side, revealing the badge that rested against his hip bone. "We want to ask you a few questions. Is your girlfriend Marisol Cordova?"

"Yeah," Julian repeated. "What's this about?"

"When is the last time you talked to her?" Amanda asked, ignoring the question.

"A couple days ago. I kind of check out when I'm at a meet. Is she okay?"

"Does she have a key to your apartment? Does she come over when you're gone?"

Julian nodded. "She likes to study here, it's quieter than the dorms. Look, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Julian, but Marisol was killed the other night." Sonny said as kindly as he could.

The dufflebag slid to the ground and Julian's face crumpled. "What?"

"We're so sorry for your loss." Amanda put a hand on his shoulder. "We think she may have been taken from your apartment. Are you able to show us inside?"

"Um...yeah...yeah I guess so." Julian nodded, his voice waivering.

He reached for the dufflebag, but Sonny scooped it up, tossing it over his shoulder. "I got it."

The trio maintained an awkward silence as they rode the elevator up to Julian's apartment. Sonny couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at the fact that this twenty year old kid had a nicer apartment than he did before his cop brain took over and he wondered how a perp would get into a nice building like this undetected.

"Um...this is it." Julian said unnecessarily when he stopped in front of his apartment door.

"Wait." Sonny said once he'd turned the key, motioning for him to step back. Looking to make sure Rollins had his back, he pulled his gun, leaving the safety on, and used his left hand to open the door.

The smell hit him first and he fought the bile that rose in his throat. It was unmistakable. Death.

"Jesus Christ." Rollins swore as she stepped in behind him, taking in the scene, and the next sound they heard was Julian vomiting in the doorway.

Sonny turned his back to the room as Rollins pulled Julian back out into the hallway. He radioed for backup, CSU, and the ME, before pulling out his phone to call the Lieutenant.

* * *

"You did not do that!" Olivia's eyes widened, but stayed on the road ahead of them.

Rafael shrugged. "You know me, I always do what it takes to win."

She shook her head. "I'm glad you're on our side now."

They were almost back to the precinct and after some prodding she'd gotten Rafael to tell her about some of the stunts he'd pulled as a defense lawyer. She could see why Klein had been sad to lose him.

Her phone vibrated on the center console.

"It's Carisi." Rafael told her after glancing at the screen.

"Can you put it on speaker? What's up, Carisi?" She asked once Rafael had hit the appropriate buttons, holding up the phone for her.

"Uh, yeah, Lieu, we found Richard Swain. He's dead. And it's not pretty." He added.

"Where are you?"

Carisi rattled off the address and Olivia flipped on her siren before making a sharp left, getting a chorus of honking horns for her efforts. "I'm on my way."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Apologies for taking longer than usual to post. I was out of town over the weekend. Thanks so much for continuing to read and review!

* * *

The car screeched to a halt in front of Julian's apartment building and Rafael had to jump from the car to keep up with Olivia as she hurried to the front door. He wanted to comment that Richard Swain wasn't going anywhere, but he didn't think she'd appreciate it very much.

A burly, uniformed doorman was already swinging the door open when they reached it. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but you can't park there."

Olivia unclipped her badge from her hip and waved it at him. "Yes, I can. And I have CSU and the Medical Examiner's office behind me."

The doorman's eyes widened. "Medical Examiner? Someone was killed? Who?"

"I can't tell you that."

"We have a rear entrance if your associates could...I have to call my..." The flustered doorman couldn't seem to finish a sentence.

Rafael watched as Olivia softened. The man was just trying to do his job.

"I'll do my best to keep it discreet, but I offer no guarantees."

"Thank you." Relief washed over the his face.

Done with the exchange Olivia turned toward the bank of elevators, but she stopped and looked at Rafael. "Maybe you should wait down here. We can't have too many people in and out before CSU preserves the scene."

He knew she was giving him an out and considering the description of the scene that Carisi had given over the phone, he gladly took it.

"Sure." He agreed. "I'll check in with Carmen."

"I'll try not to be too long." She stepped forward, pressing the call button for the elevator while he settled into a plush chair in the corner of the lobby, pulling out his phone. When the doors slid open, she hesitated a moment at the idea of leaving him without protection, but figured he'd be safe in broad daylight inside a building with the doorman as a witness.

Stepping off the elevator she found Rollins, Carisi, and a young man she presumed to be Julian Malone, waiting outside of an apartment at the end of the hall. Julian looked a little green and it seemed like the wall was the only thing keeping him upright.

"Are you sure it's Swain?" She asked her detectives without greeting.

"Recognized his face from his photo." Carisi confirmed. "Face is about the only part of him left untouched."

The door to the apartment was still open a crack and Olivia used an elbow to nudge it open. She registered Julian turning his face toward the wall with a groan before the tableau came into view. The door led right into the large, open kitchen. Splayed out across the island was Richard Swain, throat slit from ear to ear, blood running down his neck and pooling on the marble countertop. His once white dress shirt was caked with blood where he'd been stabbed multiple times, and, if that wasn't enough, a knife handle stuck out from the front of his trousers where the blade was buried to the hilt in his groin.

She knew it was terrible, but if they were right and he was the one who had killed Jaclyn and Marisol, she couldn't help but think that he deserved what he got. That didn't mean that she wouldn't work like hell to figure out who'd killed him.

"Someone has a sick idea of justice." Amanda said once Olivia stepped back into the hall to wait on CSU. Where the hell were they?

"I'm not sure if it was meant as justice." Olivia said as several members of CSU finally stepped off the elevator.

"Sorry it took so long, traffic was a bitch." The lead tech, Jenkins, said when she approached the group. She let out a whistle once she saw into the apartment. "Got us a doozie, huh?"

"The suits in the ivory tower are all over us on this one and we need a lead, bad. Be extra thorough." Olivia instructed, even though she knew it was unnecessary. Jenkins always ran a tight crime scene.

"Aye, aye." Jenkins threw her a mock salute before leading her team through the door.

"Carisi, get the kid down to the station." Olivia tossed a nod toward Julian who was now sitting on the floor, head in his hands. "He can't be here right now anyway so you might as well find out what he knows."

Carisi helped Julian stand and the young man allowed himself to be led to the elevator. The vacant look in his eyes made Olivia think they might need to get him a psych eval. Poor kid, he was caught up in the middle of all this even though, she was pretty sure, it had nothing to do with him.

"Amanda, can you stay here and make sure no one misses anything? Melinda should be here soon, you can give her the rundown."

"Yeah, no problem." Rollins nodded.

Olivia's phone buzzed as she was stepping off of the elevator, once again in the lobby. "Fin, tell me you've got an address for Swain."

"You're not gonna believe this. Dude has an apartment on Central Park West."

"Well, the government doesn't seize your assets when you're just a serial murderer. What's the address?"

Fin rattled off the number.

"Even if he's dead, we'll still need a warrant. I'll let you know when we've got it and you can meet me there." She ended the call and found Rafael in the same chair, thumbs moving rapidly over the screen of his phone.

He looked up at her. "So?"

"I don't know yet." She answered honestly. Nothing about this made sense, which, she supposed, was par for the course so far with this case. "Fin got an address for Swain. Can you get us a warrant?"

Rafael nodded. "Should be easy enough under the circumstances." He tucked his phone in the breast pocket of his suit jacket and stood. "You know it'd be faster if I went to the courthouse and you went straight to Swain's. I could email you the warrant."

"No."

"Liv, Swain's dead, he's not a threat anymore."

"We don't know that he was the one behind all of this. Not for sure. And you didn't see what was done to him. You're not going to be next, not if I can help it." Her voice trembled just a bit, but it was enough to break his resolve.

"Okay, you're right." He brushed a hand over her cheek. "Let's go."

* * *

They easily got the warrant and on their way to Swain's apartment Olivia contacted Fin and then CSU to ask them to send a second team to their location.

For the second time that day they encountered a doorman that was less than thrilled to see them, but Olivia had lost her patience. She held up her badge with one hand and slapped the warrant down on the desk with the other. "I need you to let me into apartment 1303."

"You can't just-"

"Look, you can let me into the apartment or I'll cuff you and the DA here will bring you up on obstruction charges." She looked at Rafael for confirmation and he nodded.

"And I'm sure we could come up with a few more just for fun."

"There's no need for that." The doorman, Jeff, according to his nametag, picked up the warrant and squinted at the print, trying to decipher it.

Olivia tapped her badge on the desk impatiently as he read.

Whether it was the annoying sound of her badge hitting the desktop or the legal speak on the warrant that made the man give up, Rafael wasn't sure, but either way Jeff handed Olivia back the warrant and picked up his phone. After speaking to someone briefly on the other end he waved a hand toward the elevators. "Maintenance will meet you up there."

"Thank you." Olivia said cheerfully, finally offering a smile before she and Rafael strode quickly to the elevators.

A young man in a gray jumpsuit was already outside of 1303 when they arrived, using a master key to open the door. As soon as the lock was disengaged, Olivia sent him on his way.

"You should wait out here." Olivia told Rafael, pulling her gun from its holster. Richard Swain might be dead, but they didn't know what, or who, they might encounter inside.

Rafael gave her an annoyed look. "I'm getting really tired of hearing that."

"Fine, but at least stay behind me." She acquiesced only because the odds of actual danger were low.

She did a preliminary sweep of the apartment, making sure that no one was there, before holstering her weapon. The apartment had open floor plan, the kitchen, dining area, and living room all one space with a bedroom and bathroom down the hall. It was bright, with practically all white furniture, and it was immaculate. Not a single item seemed out of place.

"Not the typical home of someone just out of prison." Barba commented.

"Most ex cons don't have millions of dollars waiting on them when they get out."

Olivia had read Swain's file. He'd grown up wealthy in one of those family's whose money was so old no one even remembered where it originally came from, then after Yale undergrad and an MBA from Princeton he'd worked his way up in the corporate structure of one of the country's largest banks. Even after paying Rafael's former employers an exorbitant amount to defend him and forking over half to his wife in the divorce he'd still had plenty left over, sitting there earning interest while he'd served his sentence.

"Not that it will do him much good now." She added, thinking of his current state.

They skipped the main rooms and walked to the bedroom, if there was anything hidden it would likely be in there. The police working his original case had found his souvenirs from his first victims hidden in his closet. How a man could put on a suit, kiss his wife goodbye, put in a days' work and then stop on his way home to murder a woman she'd never understand. It was perhaps the most terrifying type of killer. The one hidden in plain sight.

Rafael opened and closed drawers looking for anything obvious, he'd leave the actual digging to CSU, while Olivia went to the closet. It was enormous and filled with suits so expensive they put Rafael's to shame.

Finally, toward the back she found a panel in the wall, pushing on it. The wall popped open and she stepped into a small room. It held only a small desk with a laptop and modem.

"Why go through the trouble of having the false wall built for this?" Rafael asked, coming up beside her.

"That's the million dollar question."

There was some noise from the front of the apartment and she heard Fin's voice call out for her. "Liv?"

"In here!"

There wasn't room for the three of them in the small space so Fin stayed on the other side of the open panel, peering into the small room. "Seems like an awful lot of trouble for a place to watch porn."

Barba huffed a laugh. "We'll probably be wishing that's all this is."

"We need to get TARU down here." Olivia said, ducking back out of the room and into the closet, Rafael following behind her. "Other than this, the place barely looks touched." She said to Fin.

"Maybe he had another place?" Rafael suggested.

"It's possible. We can dig just in case, but I think he's just likes order. He's neat, clean."

"That jibes with the fact that we haven't had any trace evidence so far on either body, or in Jaclyn's apartment." Fin agreed. "Fits that he's our guy, but then who killed him?"

Olivia thought about the body, the rage and brutality exhibited in the wounds. "Someone who's really pissed."

* * *

Leaving Fin with CSU, Olivia and Rafael went back by the station. She checked in with Carisi to see what he'd learned from Julian, but it wasn't really anything they hadn't already known, or at least inferred. His parents had come to pick him up, Sonny assuring them that he'd let them know when they'd be allowed back in the apartment.

While Olivia debriefed with Carisi, Rafael wearily climbed the stairs to his designated workspace. Carmen, ever dutiful, sat at her side of the table, typing away at her laptop. He gave her a grateful smile before sinking onto the hard metal chair.

He should work. He had pretrial motions for the Wexler Tech case coming up, but he suddenly felt exhausted. For a moment he just sat, drinking from the coffee cup he'd snagged from the squad room before coming up, willing the caffeine to its job.

Finally, Carmen stopped typing and looked over at him. "Is it true? Is the man who was...is he dead?" She asked tentatively.

Rafael nodded. "But I'd like you to keep your detail. It's likely that whoever killed him is involved in this too. I want to make sure you're safe."

"Of course, Mr. Barba," was all she said before returning her attention back to the laptop. His chest tightened with gratitude and affection for his admin. Her steady, unflappable demeanor was always a welcome presence, but it was never more appreciated than it was now.

He'd called his mother, who was steady, but certainly not unflappable, on the ride back to the precinct, checking to make sure she was okay and giving her minimal details on what was going on. She'd been vocal in her contention at the latter, but the less she knew the better, both for the case and her own sanity. If she knew the true extent of the threat Rafael, and by extension, herself, faced, she'd be worried sick instead of annoyed at the inconvenience of her police escort.

He was grateful that these women in his life, his mother, Carmen, Olivia, were all so strong, courageous, and hard-headed. There was no way in hell any of them would go down without a fight and that was the only thought that kept him from being completely terrified.

* * *

The vibrating of her phone on the nightstand woke Olivia and she was thankful for the interruption to her fitful sleep. She'd been dreaming of Rafael, laid out on the island in Julian Malone's kitchen, throat slit, rivers of red running down his neck onto the white countertop. His eyes had been wide open, his mouth forming the shape of her name even though the only sound that escaped was a sickening gurgle.

Even now, awake, goosebumps prickled her skin and she looked over at Rafael, the rise and fall of his chest soothing her.

"Benson." She answered as quietly as she could, but she felt Rafael stir beside her. When she looked over this time his eyes were open, albeit heavy lidded. She listened, her heart nearly stopping at the words on the other end. She made every effort to keep her face neutral, knowing that he was watching her, even though she wanted to cry. "I'll be right there." She said finally.

"It's not over is it?" He asked, his voice raspy with sleep.

"No, I don't think so."

"Who?"

"They're not sure yet." She didn't look at him, instead swung her legs over the side of the bed, standing to look for some clothes to throw on. She hated lying to him, but couldn't bare to bring him anymore pain, not until she'd confirmed it for herself. Then, she'd tell him, but for now it was best that he be kept out of it.

He moved to get up. "I'll go with you."

"No," she said, sliding on a pair of black pants. "I need you to stay here with Noah. Please." She added.

Of course, Noah. He'd been on his own for so long, coming and going as he pleased, that he was still adjusting to being responsible for someone else. Well, two someones, he thought as he leaned back against the pillows, watching Liv as she pulled a burgundy blouse over her head in the glow of the streetlights shining through the window.

"Go back to sleep." She leaned down to place a kiss on his lips. "I'll update you when I can."

* * *

Olivia expected another alleyway or other tucked away hiding place, but not this time. The body lay in the middle of the sidewalk. Sure, this time of night the area was pretty deserted, but it was still a brazen move.

She flashed her badge at the uniforms who stood nearby and they only gave her a subtle nod, so she continued on her way.

"You Benson?" A female detective with a blonde pixie cut asked as she approached.

"Yeah, thanks for the call." Olivia said.

"Well, it seems like someone wanted you here." An older male detective said, walking up to them. At Olivia's confused look, he shined his flashlight at the sidewalk, just to the right of the sheet that covered the body. Smeared on the pavement, in what looked like blood, were the words: _Lt. Benson SVU_

"You knew the girl?" The blonde asked.

Olivia realized she didn't get either of their names, but really didn't care about that at the moment. "I think so."

The man squatted down, gripping the sheet in his right hand and looking up at Olivia for permission. She was grateful and used the opportunity to take a steadying breath before nodding. He pulled back the sheet.

She'd been hoping they'd been wrong, but now there was no doubt. It was Ashtonja.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: This chapter was a _beast_ to write. Hopefully it's not too terrible.

Also, just a heads up, I'm moving across the country (yay, NYC!) in a couple of weeks, so life is kind of crazy right now. I'm going to try to write as much as possible, but may not be able to update as regularly for a bit.

* * *

It was after 7am by the time Olivia returned to her apartment. She needed to get to the precinct, but she had to speak with Rafael. She couldn't let him find out from anyone else.

Lucy was there when she walked in, slipping Noah's lunchbox into his backpack while Noah played with cars on the living room floor.

"We weren't sure if you'd make it back this morning." Lucy said with a smile, zipping the backpack closed.

"I wasn't sure either." Olivia ruffled Noah's hair on her way by. When she reached Lucy she lowered her voice. "I know it's a bit early, but do you think you could take Noah now? Maybe stop at the park or something before it's time for school?"

Lucy nodded, understanding. "Yeah, of course. Noah, how would you like to take an extra special ride on the swings before school today?"

Noah looked up excitedly, glancing at Olivia for permission. When she nodded her approval he jumped up, running to grab his shoes.

After squeezing Noah tight and seeing he and Lucy off, Olivia walked into the bedroom, finding Rafael knotting a navy tie with white polka dots around his neck. He'd just finished, pushing the knot up to tighten it, when he turned to see her standing in the doorway. His hands dropped when he saw her face.

"Who was it? Carmen? Mami?" The color drained from his face and his heart hammered in his chest.

"No, no." Olivia said quickly. "They're fine."

He let out a deep breath. "Jesus, don't scare me like that."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, but Raf." She forced herself to say the words. As hard as it was, they had to come from her. "It was Ashtonja."

She'd expected rage like she'd seen at the precinct when they'd identified Marisol. That's why she'd sent Noah away. She didn't want him to be afraid of Rafael. But he didn't react at all. Instead he picked up his suit jacket, it was light gray with just the faintest hint of a plaid pattern, and slipped it on.

Olivia watched in disbelief as he unplugged his phone from the charger on the nightstand and slipped it into the breast pocket of his suit before walking out of the room.

She followed him. "Did you hear me? Last night, the victim, it was…"

"Yes." He responded, voice flat. "I heard you." He found his briefcase and looked through it, making sure he had what he needed for the day, before clasping it shut. "Now, I need to get to work. Are you going to take me or am I calling Gibson?"

She stared at him, unsure how to handle this. His eyes were cold, his mouth set in a firm line, but he nearly vibrated with the anger and grief he forced below the surface. She knew it was only a matter of time before he broke, but she knew if she tried to coddle him it would just piss him off.

Finally, she sighed. "I'll take you."

He didn't say a word the entire car ride and as soon as they walked into the squad room he climbed the stairs to his little alcove, not bothering to stick around for the morning briefing. Olivia watched him go, wanting to follow him, to do something to help, but there wasn't much she could do, not until he wanted her to.

"Is it true? Ashtonja?" Carisi asked the second she walked into the conference area.

Olivia nodded grimly. "Yeah."

"Man." He shook his head. "How's Barba?"

"He's...stoic."

"Sounds like Barba." Carisi said as Fin and Rollins joined them, taking seats on opposite sides of the conference table.

"We got another vic?" Fin asked when Olivia hung Ashtonja's photo on the board next to Jaclyn, Marisol, and Richard Swain. "Damn, Ashtonja?"

"Was it the same as Jaclyn and Marisol?" Rollins asked. "Did Swain kill her before he died?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, actually it was more consistent with Swain's murder - throat slit, multiple stab wounds."

"So whoever killed Swain killed Ashtonja? But why? If someone killed Swain because he was doing this, why continue his work?" Carisi asked.

"That's what we have to find out. Now, Ashtonja is technically not our case yet. She was killed in the Bronx, and I have a meeting at 1PP to try to get them to assign it to us, but the detectives who caught it called me because of this." Olivia brought a photo of the message that had been written on the sidewalk up onto the screen.

"A threat?" Rollins sat up straight.

"I don't think so." Olivia shook her head. "Whoever did this isn't as methodical as Swain. They don't plan as well. Everyone else was killed in Manhattan so that it was our case. They killed her in the Bronx and there was no sign of sexual assault, so they needed to do something to put it on our radar."

"1PP's gotta see that this is part of our case." Carisi sat back in his chair. "She had a connection to Barba, your name at the crime scene...I mean, come on."

"I think they will. I just have to go through the proper channels. The Bronx detectives seemed willing to let it go and as soon as 1PP signs off I'll get the body sent over to Melinda. In the meantime, do we have anything on Swain's murder? Anything from his apartment?"

"Not a lot on the apartment." Fin provided. "TARU has the laptop and there were some prints, but they were all Swain's. Other than that the place was pristine."

"Julian's apartment was the exact opposite." Carisi said, flipping open a folder and referencing its contents. "Several sets of prints, CSU is running them now, but it's gonna take a bit to get through them all. Julian said that he had a party the previous weekend to celebrate the new school year, so that's dozens of people in the apartment.

"Lots of blood as you know. Again, it will take some time to determine if it all belonged to Swain. Plus various hairs and fibers, but the party makes that difficult as well."

"Any clue on how they got past the doorman? Any security footage?"

"Doorman was on all night, doesn't remember seeing Swain. There is a service entrance in the rear, but conveniently that camera goes black around midnight and doesn't resume until 7am. TARU has the hard drives to see if they can recover anything."

"Great." Olivia sighed, resting her hands on the table. "So what's the theory? Swain kills Marisol in Julian's apartment, dumps her body in the park. Why does he go back?"

"Maybe he went back to clean up?" Rollins suggested. "He wanted to dump the body as soon as possible, but knows Julian is out of town so he can go back, really take his time to make sure he got everything?"

"I buy that." Fin said. "Even if he gets caught in the apartment at that point, it's just breaking and entering. No body."

"And whoever killed him knew he'd be there, so they had to have been involved in this since the beginning." Olivia's phone chimed and she checked the screen. "I have to get to 1PP, but check with Melinda on Swain's autopsy and make sure TARU is busting their asses on this. Go over there and light a fire under them if you have to. And guys," she lowered her voice. "Just between us, Barba is putting on a good front with this, but I'm not sure how long it will last. Keep an eye on him for me, okay?"

"Sure thing, Liv." Fin assured her.

* * *

Rafael buried himself in his work, hunching over his legal pad and laptop for hours. He'd been so caught up in everything that was going on that he hadn't given the Wexler Tech case the attention it deserved. Defense was filing a motion to try each defendant separately and he had to see that it didn't happen.

He dug for precedent, working on his arguments that he would present Monday morning in Judge Catano's chambers, and the hours ticked by. Carmen kept his coffee cup full and around lunchtime a sandwich had appeared, not that he'd eaten much of it. Overall, if he'd allowed himself to acknowledge it, he'd say he was doing an excellent job of compartmentalizing.

The phone on Carmen's side of the table rang, at some point in the last few days she'd had the phone set up, forwarding calls from his office line, and Rafael sat up in his chair, stretching his aching back. He still hadn't managed to upgrade from the horrible metal chair and his back was paying the price.

"Of course, I'll let him know." Carmen hung up the phone. "Mr. Barba, the DA would like to see you."

"That took longer than I expected." Rafael grumbled. "Can you call downstairs and see if Gibson's available? If so, I'll meet him down there in five minutes."

Carmen's eyes widened in surprise. "Wouldn't you rather Lieutenant Benson, or one of the detectives take you?"

"No, they're probably busy. Gibson will do."

"Okay…" Carmen still seemed suspicious, but she did as her boss asked and picked up her phone to call the precinct's main desk.

* * *

Barba dropped the empty glass to the bar with more force than he meant to and signaled Anthony for a refill. He wasn't sure how many that would make, having lost count a couple of drinks ago. He did know he'd had three before Anthony had even started his shift.

He'd come straight from meeting with the DA, taking advantage of Forlini's happy hour prices for the first time. Well, he would have anyway, if he'd ever dare to let a well drink pass through his lips. But, in spirit, he had enjoyed happy hour. Afterward, he'd drank his dinner, and now it was time for dessert, or at least it would be as soon as Anthony filled his glass.

Rafael frowned when a glass of water appeared before him instead. "Traitor." He mumbled, but Anthony had already walked away. He picked up the glass and drank from it, simply because it was there, and maybe if he finished it Anthony would reward him with another scotch.

He nearly missed his mouth, sloshing a bit of water out of the sides of the pint glass. He laughed at himself and wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

He paid no attention to the door opening at the front of the bar, instead looking up at the baseball game on tv. He normally had no use for baseball, or sports in general, but it became more interesting when two of each player swam before him. It was a fun game to try to figure out which one was the real one.

A hand was at his shoulder. "Raf, what are you doing here? Where's Gibson?"

Instead of turning to look at his girlfriend, Rafael looked over at Anthony who only glanced at the couple before turning back to the patron he was waiting on. Yep, he was definitely a traitor, Rafael decided.

Olivia leaned on the bar, trying to catch his eyes with hers. Finally, he looked at her, but his eyes were having trouble focusing.

"Where's Gibson?" She repeated.

"Dunno. Last I saw he was blabbering to Celia."

Olivia knew that Celia was the DA's admin. "You left him at the DA's office?"

"I snuck...sneaked?" He questioned before shaking his head, not caring enough at the moment to determine which was correct. "Right by him. Some cop." He waved a hand dismissively, catching the half empty water glass.

Olivia's quick reflexes caught it before it could spill over and she slid it out of arm's reach, even though she'd prefer that he finish it. She'd never seen him this drunk before. Tipsy, sure, but never completely soused.

"Why did you do that?" She asked in a tone she reserved for Noah.

"Because I killed her. I killed her and her mother and I wanted a drink. Why can't I just come have a drink without a fucking babysitter?"

Several heads turned in their direction at his outburst and Olivia put a hand on his shoulder. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him yet again that he wasn't responsible, but she knew he wouldn't hear it, especially right now. "Let's get you home, okay?"

His shoulders sagged, all his fight gone as quickly as it had appeared. He slid off the stool, wobbling when his feet hit the floor, and he put his hand on the bar to steady himself.

Olivia signaled Anthony who 'd already begun settling up Rafael's tab, and he handed her the credit card and the slip to sign. Her eyes widened at the bill, no wonder he was completely hammered, and signed for him. He could file charges on her for credit card fraud if he wanted.

"Thanks, and sorry." Olivia said quietly as she slid the receipt back across the bar.

"I thought we were leaving." Rafael whined.

"We are, we are." Olivia sighed. She picked his briefcase up off of the floor and took his arm with her other hand, helping him out of the bar, which was a task since he seemed to trip over his own feet every few steps.

As she eased him into the passenger seat of her car, Olivia had flashbacks to her mother, cleaning up her messes, taking care of her when she was too drunk to function. She knew this wasn't the same, knew that he was only trying to shut his brain off for a little while, but it caused a tightness in her chest all the same.

When she slid behind the steering wheel he was still trying to get his seatbelt buckled, failing with each try to get the two parts of the clasp to meet.

"Here, I've got it." She shooed his hands away and buckled the belt with a loud click before buckling her own.

Traffic was heavy, it was still fairly early in the night, so it was slow going. She wanted to ask him what happened with the DA, wanted him to talk to her about what he was feeling, wanted to help him deal with all of this, but there was no point. Not while he was like this.

He'd been almost asleep, head against the window, when he sat up abruptly. "Wait. Where are we going?"

"Home."

"No, no. I want to go home. _My_ home."

"I don't really think that you should-"

"Can you stop mothering me for five minutes? I just want to be alone in my own apartment. In my own bed."

Olivia tried not to let his words get to her. She knew he was drunk and hurting, but it still stung. "Sure, fine." She agreed.

They were silent until she pulled up in front of his building. "You want me to walk you up?"

"I'm fine." He again warred with the seatbelt, but shoved her hands away when she tried to press the release button for him. "I can get it." It took a few more tries, but he finally succeeded. He threw the car door open, using the car to steady his balance once he stood, then walked into his building without so much as a glance behind him.

* * *

"What do you want, Rita?" Rafael asked by way of greeting after he'd opened his apartment door. When the doorman had called up to say that his lawyer was there to see him he'd thought about having her turned away, but he knew she wasn't above making a scene in the lobby. This seemed like the path of least resistance.

Rita's eyes widened when she saw him, it'd been years, possibly decades, since she'd seen him in just jeans and a t-shirt, and his hair, sans product, fell over his forehead. It was like her old friend was standing before her instead of the opponent he'd become.

"Well?" He asked when she didn't speak, not remembering the last time Rita had taken the silent route.

"Olivia asked me to come." She answered finally, stepping into the apartment. "The place looks good." She complimented honestly, taking a look around. The last time she'd been there had been years ago when he'd hosted a small dinner that served as housewarming party. That had been a few months before she left the DA's office, the final nail in the coffin of their friendship.

"I don't need a lawyer." He closed the door with more force than he intended, turning and walking toward the kitchen, not bothering to see if she followed even though the sound of her heels on the hardwood told him she did.

"You're working?" Surprise was evident in her tone as she took in the files and books that were spread across his kitchen island.

"I wasn't suspended." He snapped, taking a seat back at the barstool where he'd been working before getting interrupted. "Just taken off of...that case."

"Then why aren't you in the office?"

"I'm not allowed to work in my office because apparently someone is trying to off me and I don't really want to be at the precinct right now, so I'm working from home." He settled back against the stool, crossing his arms. "Now, counselor, why are you here? I don't need a lawyer." He repeated.

"I think you do." He scoffed, but she ignored it. "You have a connection to each of the victims. They might look at you for this."

Rafael rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind would think I was doing this. Beyond the absurdity that I would ever rape and kill anyone - but sending myself threatening notes, making it look like it was someone with a vendetta against me? Come on, Rita."

"Two years ago I would have agreed with you." She tapped bright red nails against the marble countertop. "But after Carl...Dr. Rudnick...I'm sure that the NYPD isn't going to be quite as trusting."

He scrubbed a hand over his face, his head throbbing, a lovely reminder of the ridiculous amount of scotch he'd consumed the night before. "Considering that I was in bed with an SVU Lieutenant at the time of the murders, I'd say my alibi is pretty solid."

Normally he wouldn't be so forthcoming with such details, but the stress, lack of sleep, and pounding in his head made it more difficult to censor himself.

Rita's eyebrows rose in surprise, more at his admission than at the confirmation of a relationship that everyone suspected. "Well, that Lieutenant has less faith in that than you do, or I wouldn't be here."

"Liv just likes to worry." He took a sip from a ceramic coffee mug, frowning upon learning that the liquid had gone cold. He stood and walked around the island, getting to work at brewing a fresh pot.

"Don't you think your veins are probably more coffee than blood at this point?" She asked and Rafael couldn't help the corner of his mouth ticking up at the memory.

Back at Harvard, Rita had worked at the coffee shop on campus, usually the closing shift, and often after ending his own shift at the library he'd been there, at a back corner table, studying and drinking cup after cup of coffee, right up until closing.

Finally, after weeks of this, when Rafael had ordered his last cup to go before Rita locked up for the night, she'd asked him that very question.

"That's the goal." He turned from the coffee pot to face her, the smile still on his face, just as it had been the night their friendship had started. "Look, Rita, I appreciate you coming here." The nostalgia softening his earlier gruffness. "Really. But, of all the things I need right now, a defense attorney is not one of them."

"How about a friend?"

"That would be nice."

* * *

Olivia checked her phone. Still nothing. She thought about texting him again, but she did have her pride. She knew he was okay, she'd heard from Rita, so if he was going to continue to shut her out, then fine. She'd give him his space.

She turned back to her laptop, reviewing Melinda's prelim reports on Richard Swain and Ashtonja. Both had been killed with the same type of knife, Melinda thought a switchblade or something similar, neither had needle marks or any signs of strangulation like the first victims had. So far it was Melinda's opinion that both of them had been killed by the same person, but not by the person that had killed Jaclyn and Marisol.

She clicked over to the CSU report for Richard's apartment. They'd found a few things with his handwriting in a drawer of his desk. They were waiting for confirmation from an expert, but in her amateur opinion it matched the notes that Rafael had been receiving. It wasn't much, but she was completely convinced that he'd been responsible for Jaclyn and Marisol's murders. But the question remained why.

A thought began to work its way from the back of her mind and once fully formed it sent ice through her veins. It wasn't possible, was it? As she ran through the facts of the case in her head, it all made sense. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Maybe because she hadn't wanted to. Quickly pulling up the database that would either help prove her theory or discredit it, she typed in the necessary search terms.

After a few agonizing seconds the results populated the screen. "Shit. Shit shit shit." She grabbed her phone and keys and hopped up from her desk, moving quickly into the squad room.

Luckily all of her detectives were at their desks, working tirelessly to find anything that would help move this case along. They all looked up at Liv, sensing her urgency.

"Rollins, Fin, I need you to go to my apartment and bring Lucy and Noah here." She said without preamble. "Carisi, I need you to do the same with Lucia Barba."

"What's going on? What happened?" Fin asked, but he was already standing, as were Rollins and Carisi.

"I'll explain once everyone is here and safe. That's the priority at the moment. Did Carmen come in today?" Since Rafael was working from home, Carmen might have taken the day as well. She couldn't recall seeing her that day.

"Yeah, she's upstairs." Carisi answered. "But-"

Olivia cut him off. "Tell her not to leave the station. I'm going to go get Barba." She turned to leave the room, but stopped, turning back. "Oh and turn off your phones. Only use them if you absolutely have to. Use the radios instead." They weren't necessarily secure, but at least they couldn't be traced.

On her way out the door she bumped into a woman in a neat, black suit. "Sorry." She apologized quickly, not bothering to stop.

"Are you Lieutenant Benson?" The woman asked and Olivia turned around, impatient.

"Yes, and you are…"

"Danielle DiCarlo. The DA has assigned me to your serial. I was just coming to get up to speed."

Now Olivia really found herself wishing Rafael had been sober enough the night before to discuss his meeting with the DA.

"Nice to meet you. We're actually all on our way out on an urgent matter. I'll be happy to fill you in later." Now she turned and hurried to the elevator not waiting on a reply, pushing the call button over and over impatiently.

Three other detectives rushed by Danielle, leaving her standing in the doorway, mouth open in surprise.

"Stairs are faster." The tall lanky one said, and they all hurried into the stairwell.

"Welcome to SVU." The uniform who manned the desk by the door told her with a chuckle.

"Thanks…" Danielle stepped into the squad room, settling in at an empty desk to wait.


	10. Chapter 10

I'm sorry, I am the _worst_! I didn't intend to take this long to update, but life, man. Hopefully moving forward I'll be back on a regular schedule. Thank you for your patience!

* * *

Rafael was downing a handful of ibuprofen when there was another knock at his door. There were only two people the doorman would send up without calling to check with him first - his mother and Olivia - and he knew his mother was at school.

He sat his water glass on the counter and made his way to the door, going over his apology in his head. All day he'd been thinking about what he'd say to her when the time came.

"Look, I know you're pissed at me or avoiding me or whatever, but right now I need you to come down to the precinct with me." She said as soon as he opened the door.

"Pissed at you? Why would I be pissed at you? I'm the one who...wait a second, what's going on?"

"Hold on." She walked into the kitchen and closed his laptop before picking up his phone and turning it off.

"What are you doing?"

"I think I know who's behind all of this."

He looked at the laptop and then at the phone in her hand. She watched as the realization dawned in his eyes. "Willard."

She nodded. "It fits. How they knew confidential details, the grudge against you, Ashtonja. He's the only one who knew about your relationship with her besides the squad and the DA. _And_ he was in the same cell block as Swain at Green Haven. I checked."

Rafael's mind was going a mile a minute, comparing all the details of the case to the possibility that it was Willard all along. "But how? His calls and visits are monitored. He certainly has no internet access. How could he orchestrate all of this? Getting Swain to do the hits is one thing, but this required hacking and he doesn't have the resources in prison."

"I haven't figured that part out yet, but I haven't had time to dig into it. I wanted to make sure you were safe first. The team is bringing in your mom, Lucy, and Noah. If it's Willard then he has a bigger reach than we thought. He could be tracking them constantly. I don't think unis are enough, I want to put them in a safe house. Carmen too." She really wanted him to join them, but knew he'd refuse so didn't even bother to mention it.

Rafael agreed. If this really was Willard, who knew how far his reach extended? It was better safe than sorry. "Do you have someone you trust setting this up? Just in case it's not Willard and we're still dealing with someone in the department?"

Olivia nodded. "I have an old friend at the FBI. I'm waiting to hear back, but hopefully we can use one of their safe houses. In the meantime, we'll keep everyone at the station. We can use the crib if it needs to be overnight, but hopefully it won't come to that." She glanced at the clock on his stove. "We should get to the precinct. The squad will probably be back soon from picking up Lucy, Noah, and your mom. They'll probably be wanting an explanation."

Rafael knew she was being diplomatic. Noah wouldn't be demanding answers, but Lucia Barba sure would be. He nodded. "Let me get dressed. I'll be quick."

She wanted to point out that he was already dressed, but she knew what he meant. "Pack a bag too, just in case."

He gave her a look, not pleased with the idea of having to spend the night on one of those horrible bunks in the crib, or, even worse, being forced into a safe house, but he didn't say anything.

When he disappeared into the bedroom to change from his jeans and t-shirt into his suit, she started gathering up his files and putting them into his briefcase, knowing that he'd still want to be able to work.

She reflexively went to check her phone and then remembered it was turned off. She hated not being able to check in with her team, but the radio that was now situated on her hip next to her badge had remained silent, so she assumed all was well.

A few moments later Rafael emerged wearing a black suit with a barely noticeable pinstripe and carrying a sleek overnight bag. He hadn't taken the time to add product to his hair so it still drooped over his forehead, but other than that he looked very much like himself, or at least the ADA version of himself.

She held onto his briefcase, but handed him his phone, still off, and he thanked her. "I think we should leave the laptop here, to be safe. What do you think?"

"I doubt it makes a difference at this point, but why not?" He shrugged.

At his apartment it had been easy to focus on the case, on what needed to be done, but once they were in the car his guilt crept back in.

"Liv, about last night…"

"We don't need to do this now." She'd managed to tuck away her anger and frustration over his behavior the night before, choosing instead to focus on the case.

"I think we do." Rafael looked at her. "The DA pulled me from the case."

"I know. I met your replacement as I was leaving to come get you. Danielle DiCarlo. Isn't she the one who screwed up the AJ Martin case?"

"She didn't screw it up. She did what any-" He stopped and shook his head. They were getting off track. "Anyway. The DA pulled me from the case and I was still dealing with Ashtonja...but it's no excuse. Do you know why I drink scotch?"

"Because it's expensive?" She asked, glancing over at him with a small grin.

He smiled, amused, but then it quickly went away. "Because that's what he drank, my father. The first time I ever tried it I gagged, but I forced myself to drink it. I wanted to prove that I could drink it and stop any time I chose because he never could. I drink it to prove that I can control it instead of letting it control me. And up until last night I've managed to do that."

He looked at her, guilt and sorrow swimming among the green in his eyes. "Last night was the first time I've ever felt myself inching closer to who he was and I don't want to be that guy. I won't do that to you or Noah, or to me. So no, I wasn't avoiding you because I'm 'pissed at you or whatever.' I was avoiding you because I was, am, ashamed. And I'm so sorry, Liv."

"I think you're beating yourself up way more than you need to. Yes, you were drunk, and grumpy." She added, giving him a look. "But you weren't belligerent or aggressive. You aren't your father, Raf, or even my mother. I think you could drink every drop of scotch in Forlini's and you'd never lay a hand on me or Noah."

"Well, no, because I'd be dead from alcohol poisoning." He interjected, unable to hold back smart remarks, even in moments such as these.

"My point is, that's not who you are. I know that's not who you are."

"Thank you." He wasn't sure if she was right, but he appreciated it all the same. For all the reassurances that he gave her when it came to Noah and his genetics, he'd often worried about his own. Wondering if he was just a ticking timebomb and any day he would turn into a raging, abusive alcoholic, that it was his destiny and it couldn't be helped.

Olivia parked the car at the precinct and once they were on the sidewalk she took his hand, standing in front of him. "You're a good guy, Raf. And I want you to know that I'm here for you, always. If you're upset or something happens you can come to me, you don't have to go to Anthony for comfort anymore." He smiled, which is what she was going for, and she kissed him softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, mi guerrera."

* * *

"Lieutenant Benson." Danielle DiCarlo rose from her seat as Olivia and Rafael walked into the squad room.

"ADA DiCarlo." Olivia said with surprise, she couldn't believe the counselor had actually waited for her.

"Danielle." Rafael greeted her with a nod.

"Mr. Barba." Danielle addressed him before turning back to Olivia. "Now that we've all had a name refresher, I was hoping you could catch me up on the case. I've read through the reports, but I'd really like to hear your up to date take on it."

"Of course. If you want to come into my off-"

"Mommy!" Noah pulled his hand from Lucy's and ran to Olivia as the pair walked into the squad room along with Rollins and Fin.

"I'm sorry." Olivia told Danielle as Noah wrapped himself around her legs. "I have to get them settled and take care of a few things." She looked at Fin. "Sergeant Tutuola will fill you in on where we are."

"Uh, yeah, no problem." Fin said, even though he wasn't entirely sure who the woman was or what exactly he was supposed to be helping her with.

Rafael noticed the look of annoyance that passed over Danielle's features when Olivia walked off with Noah. "It's not personal." He told her. "There's a lot going on."

"I know. It's just that-"

"Rafi!" Lucia walked into the squad room with Carisi. "What is going on? Did something else happen?"

"I'm sorry. I have to go deal with this. Fin will help you out." Rafael patted her shoulder before turning toward his mother.

Danielle sighed, looking over at Fin who just shrugged.

* * *

Olivia walked through the door that led from the interview room into her office. She glanced through the glass, smiling at the image of Noah playing with blocks while Lucy sat watching. Lucy had been frightened, rightly so, when Olivia explained the situation to her, but Olivia gave her credit for not letting her fear show in front of Noah. Thankfully, the boy didn't seem to sense that anything was wrong and was happy to be visiting his mom at work.

The scene playing out through the other window in her office wasn't nearly as serene. The speaker wasn't on, but she watched as Lucia spoke a mile a minute, Rafael repeatedly opening his mouth to speak but snapping his jaw shut when his mother wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Olivia figured she ought to help him out a little.

"Olivia!" Lucia greeted her happily when she stepped into the room and Rafael rolled his eyes behind her back. "What is this mess? Rafi won't tell me a thing."

"Are you kidding? You wouldn't let me…" He trailed off, holding up a hand. "You know what, nevermind." He sat in one of the metal chairs, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry. I know this situation is frightening and stressful." Olivia used the soft tone she used on victims and Rafael expected Lucia to inform Olivia that she didn't like being patronized, but instead his mother nodded her agreement.

"Yes, especially when I'm being kept in the dark." Lucia shot a look at Rafael before turning back to Olivia.

"I know, but that's partially my fault. I insisted that we keep a tight circle on this case." Olivia explained. "We're trying our best to not let information leak, but I'll explain it all to you now. And I promise to answer any questions that you have." She gestured for Lucia to have a seat at the table, while she sat next to Rafael.

"This must be how your perps feel." Lucia said, looking at the couple across from her, and despite his aggravation Rafael huffed a laugh at his mother's use of the word "perp." "Now, please tell me what's going on."

And they did, leaving out the gory details, but giving enough information to satisfy her.

"And you think the man who is behind this is the one who threatened Rafi before?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes, he took a plea, so he's in prison, but we think he may be orchestrating this somehow and until we find out how and stop him, Rafael and I would like you, Lucy, Noah, and Carmen to go to an FBI safehouse."

"No, that's not possible." Lucia shook her head. "I have work and-"

"Mami." Rafael said in a tone that made Lucia stop talking. "This isn't a game. He's hurting - _murdering_ \- the women who mean something to me. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you. Now please, take those vacation days you've never used and go to the safe house."

"For how long?"

"We're not sure." Olivia answered honestly. "At least until we figure out exactly who and what we're dealing with. We just need time to sort this out and we'll better be able to do that knowing our loved ones are safe."

"And the two of you? Who will be keeping you safe?"

"We'll be taking precautions." Olivia hedged.

Lucia sighed. "I don't like this."

"I know, but I also know that Noah would really like to have you there. He loves Lucy but I think it would make him feel better to have his abuelita there."

Rafael glanced at Olivia with admiration. She really was good. Playing the Noah card was just the trick and he watched his mother's resolve soften.

"Fine, but only for a little while."

"Thank you, Mami." Rafael put a hand on hers. "It will be so much better knowing you're safe."

"If only I could have the same peace of mind." Lucia said, but patted the back of his hand with her other one.

"Now, I'll need your cell phone. There will be a landline at the safe house and you can take this for emergencies." Olivia held out a small black flip phone. "It's a burner that can't be traced."

"Just like the drug dealers use. You really are turning me into a perp." She complained, but took the phone.

"You can't take your laptop or any other electronics with you." Rafael told her.

"What? How am I supposed to get any work done?"

"We'll have the WiFi disabled anyway. Read a book or something."

"I can't. They're all on my kindle." She huffed. "I wouldn't have agreed to this if I'd known you were sending me back to the dark ages."

"In the past this man has hacked the NYPD, has hacked the forensics lab, my financials, and now we believe he's gotten into records at the Brooklyn DA's office. And that's just what we know about. If you have anything that can connect to the internet he can get into it, which means he can find you. Isn't your safety, Noah's safety, worth roughing it for a few days?" Rafael pleaded.

Lucia sighed and Rafael knew that he'd won. It was rare, but he still knew what his mother looked like when she'd given in. She begrudgingly reached into her purse and handed Olivia her iPhone.

"Thank you." Olivia handed her the burner. "I know this isn't ideal."

"Just do me a favor, and stop this cabron, okay?"

* * *

Tears swam in Olivia's eyes, but she fought them as she hugged Noah tight against her on the sidewalk outside of the precinct.

Her FBI contact had come through more quickly than she'd expected and had secured a safe house upstate, along with a rotating shift of agents to keep watch. Olivia tried not to think about the mountain of favors that she'd owe in return.

And now came the hard part, sending Noah off and trusting that others would keep him safe.

"Mommy, you're squishing me." Noah complained and Olivia pulled back, staying crouched to be at eye level.

"I'm sorry, baby. Mommy's just really going to miss you. You be a good boy for Lucy, Carmen, and Abuelita, okay?"

"Mr. Barba, I can stay if you need me." Carmen approached Rafael where he stood back, allowing Olivia her time with Noah. "I really don't think I'm in danger. I mean, if he's after the women who are important to you…"

"You really think you're not important to me?" Rafael tilted his head at her. "Yes, you get my coffee and schedule my appointments, but you're so much more than that. I lost count of the admins that I had before you, they were in and out of my office so quickly. But then you came along. You're great at what you do, yes, but you're also smart as a whip and you laugh at my jokes. You know exactly the right things to say and when to say them. You keep me _sane_ , Carmen." He sighed, shaking his head. "And I won't force you to do anything or go anywhere that you don't want to, but just know that I absolutely could not bear it if something happened to you, especially if it was on my account."

For a moment it looked as if Carmen might cry and he realized that he needed to be better at showing his appreciation all of the time, not just when there was the possibility that a sadistic killer was targeting her.

"Okay, Mr. Barba." She said once she'd pulled it together. "I'll go to the safe house. Just catch this guy soon, okay? And please don't touch your calendar, you'll just make a mess of it." Carmen grabbed the handle of her suitcase, rolling it toward the SUV that waited by the curb.

"That was nice of you." Lucia said, stepping up next to her son.

Rafael shrugged. "It was true."

"You'll be safe, right Rafi?" Lucia gripped his hand.

"As I can be." He told her and she scoffed, dropping his hand.

"Always the abogado. Even with me. Can't you just tell me that you'll be safe? Can't you do that for your mother who is leaving everything to go live like a pilgrim because you asked her to?"

"I'll be safe." He assured her and he was surprised at the sudden rush of emotion that swelled up in him. She drove him absolutely crazy and they had their struggles, but the love and appreciation he had for this woman could not be measured. And, if things went wrong, if Willard got to him, this could very well be the last time he ever saw her.

Lucia pulled him into a tight hug, afraid that the expression on his face would make her cry if she looked at it any longer. "I love you, Rafi."

"Te quiero, Mami." He whispered, his voice shaky.

"Raf, they have to go." Olivia said softly from behind them and they pulled apart.

"Take care of my boy, and yourself." Lucia patted Olivia's arm before climbing into the SUV.

"They'll be alright." Rafael squeezed Olivia's hand as she quickly wiped away a tear with the other one. Then he let out a chuckle as the SUV pulled away from the curb.

"What's so funny?"

"Just thinking about the four of them living in a house together with no technology. It's like the premise for a bad sitcom."

"Maybe if we get through this case we can pitch it."

He was glad that he'd been able to distract her from her sorrow. "Let's not. I'm pretty sure working in Hollywood is the only gig that's worse than ours." Olivia laughed and he kissed the back of her hand, patting it afterward. "So, now what?"

"Now, we check into a hotel under an alias, using a credit card that TARU has assured me cannot be traced back to us."

Maybe this whole situation wasn't so bad after all, Rafael thought. There were worse things he could think of worse things than being confined to a hotel room with Olivia.

"Then you'll wait there while I go to Green Haven." She finished and his brief feeling of optimism disappeared.

"If you think you're going to Green Haven without me."

"You can't go. You're off the case. If the DA finds out, if Dodds finds out, it's my ass. Plus, I really don't think it's a good idea for you to see him. It will just encourage him."

"And seeing you won't? It wasn't my name written on the pavement next to Ashtonja's body. He's got it out for you too." Rafael argued. "This man has killed my friend and two young women who only made the mistake of letting me help them during a tough time. I have to face him, Liv."

"You know that I can't-"

"Sorry to interrupt." Fin stuck his head out the door of the precinct.

"It's fine, Fin. What is it?" Olivia asked, but neither she nor Rafael looked away from one another.

"We got a hit on a set of prints from Julian's apartment."

This got their attention, both of them shifting their gazes to the sergeant. "We'll be right there." Olivia assured him and Fin ducked back inside the precinct. "Looks like no one will be making a trip to Green Haven today."

"And tomorrow?" Rafael asked.

"We'll figure it out then."


	11. Chapter 11

I'm trying so hard to get back on a weekly schedule, but it looks like for now biweekly is more realistic. I'm moving TWICE this week (yay for being a nomad) and then I'm out of town next weekend, so it will probably be two weeks again before another chapter. After that I'll have a permanent place to live and should be able to write more regularly. I have big plans for the next couple of chapters. :) Thank you so much for all of your patience!

* * *

"Noah and the girls get off okay?" Rollins asked when Olivia and Barba walked into the squad room.

"Yeah, they're good. Thanks." Olivia answered eyeing all of her detectives who were tapping away at their computers. "TARU said we're good?"

Rollins nodded. "They claim after the last time they bumped up our security protocols. Plus once I told them Willard may be involved they said they'd have someone monitoring our network 24/7."

"What about our phones?"

"Phones should be okay when we're on the precinct network, but once we're outside they're vulnerable and they can be tracked no matter where we are."

"Okay." Olivia nodded as she processed the information. "It's probably best to stick to the radios or burners outside of the station. Use your phones if you absolutely have to, but be careful what you say."

She took a breath, shifting gears. "So, we got a hit on the prints?"

"Yeah, we've gotten a few actually, but were able to rule them out as students who were guests at Julian's party last week." Fin explained. "But this guy wasn't on the invite list." He turned his computer monitor so that Olivia could see the screen.

"Santiago Castillo." Olivia read out loud.

"Low level BX9er." Carisi said from behind his desk. "Been popped a few times for misdemeanors, drug possession, menacing. Doesn't seem like he's been a part of anything major, _but_ his brother Miguel was one of the guys we arrested for the Avery Capshaw assault."

"Makes sense. BX9 has had it out for you for awhile." Amanda directed at Rafael. "Add in the fact that this kid's pissed that you locked up his brother and wants a way to prove he can run with the big boys…"

"But wait," Olivia held up a hand. "Why kill Swain? Plus Carlos Hernandez and Miguel are both in Rikers. Willard is at Green Haven."

"Maybe Swain pissed Willard off? And he has to have someone on the outside doing his bidding." Rafael added.

"All the stuff he knew, it probably wasn't hard to find out we arrested Heredio for threatening Barba." Fin leaned back in his chair. "Willard just has to tell his errand boy, and then he makes the contact."

"I buy that." Olivia said. "Fin and Carisi, track down Santiago and bring him in. Rollins, get all of Willard's visitor logs. Maybe someone from Attention Inc has paid him a visit. Any of his former employees would probably have the skills to do the hacking that he needed." She turned to Rafael. "Think we have enough to charge Santiago with killing Swain?"

"Where'd they find the prints?" Rafael asked Fin.

"On the kitchen island, faucet knob, the front door knob."

"Not on the knife?" Rafael knew that was asking for too much.

"No, it was too smudged, all that blood smeared on the handle."

Rafael shook his head. "Puts him at the scene, but it's flimsy. It'd probably be better if…" He stopped himself. "Well, you should ask Danielle, I guess. I know what I would do, but that doesn't really matter, does it?"

Olivia nodded. She'd actually completely forgotten that he wasn't on the case anymore, she was so used to bouncing things off of him. She would keep him looped in, ask for his input, because he was a part of this no matter what, but going with his strategy and not even consulting ADA DiCarlo would be stepping on toes. She hated it, but playing the political game was a part of her job just as much as solving cases.

She turned to Carisi and Fin. "Go pick him up. I'll call DiCarlo."

She turned toward her office to do just that while Carisi and Fin headed out to Santiago's last known address, leaving Rafael standing there awkwardly while Rollins began the process of requesting Willard's visitor logs.

"Let me know when you get the records." Rafael finally said after an awkward moment. "I'll help you go through them."

"And when you find the name of the person helping with this in the log and then it gets tossed because you weren't supposed to be on the case, then what?" Rollins asked not unkindly. "You know I can't let you do that."

Rafael nodded, resigned. He picked his briefcase from where he'd sat it on the corner of Carisi's desk and made his way upstairs.

He still had the Wexler Tech motions hearing on Monday, but it would be hard to get much work done without his laptop or access to his law books, which were in his office.

He sat on the uncomfortable metal chair anyway, not sure what else to do. The small space was too quiet without Carmen tapping away at her keyboard. Even the phone was silent this late on a Friday afternoon.

Sighing, he pulled the case file from his briefcase, deciding it couldn't hurt to read through it yet one more time. He was almost through it for the second time when he heard the sound of Olivia's boots on the stairs. He leaned into her touch when she placed her hands on his shoulders, massaging the tense muscles that she found there.

"Carisi and Fin haven't had any luck tracking down Santiago. We have a BOLO out on him, but there's not much we can do until we find him. And of course since it's Friday night Green Haven is taking their sweet time with the visitor logs, so I sent Amanda home." She slid her hands down over his chest, wrapping her arms around him and placing a soft kiss near his ear. "How about that hotel?"

"God, yes." The thought of getting out of this godforsaken precinct and crawling into bed, shutting out everything they were up against and having a quiet night just the two of them sounded heavenly.

* * *

Dreams of plush pillows and room service went out the window when they arrived at the hotel the NYPD had booked for them. The lobby was drab and dated, and pastries that had been put out that morning sat drying next to a dilapidated coffee machine on a counter off to the side of the room. Their complimentary breakfast, he assumed.

The young man at the desk wore an ill-fitting suit, but was trying his best to provide top notch customer service despite his lackluster surroundings. "And here you are," he was saying once Rafael finished his assessment and returned to paying attention. "Enjoy your stay with us Mr. and Mrs. Garcia."

"Thank you." Olivia took the keys from his outstretched hand and turned toward the elevator.

"Garcia?" Rafael asked, adjusting his bag on his shoulder as they waited for the elevator to arrive. If it was in the same condition as the rest of the place, they'd probably be waiting awhile. "So, not only does your department book us in this ramshackle hotel, but they're also kind of racist."

"It's not ramshackle." Olivia chose the easier of the two points to argue as the elevator finally arrived. Rafael was pretty sure it groaned as it came to a stop. "It's just not been updated in awhile."

"Ooh, penthouse." He said sarcastically when she hit the button for the twelfth floor. "All I'm saying is that you'd think one of their most esteemed Lieutenants would warrant a nicer hotel than the one they use for honey traps."

She wanted to argue that they'd never used this hotel for a honey trap, but couldn't say so with certainty so she didn't. "It's the weekend in New York and the weather is nice. Options were limited."

The elevator finally stopped on their floor and Olivia was happy to make it to their room without anymore commentary on the state of the hotel. She was relieved to find that the room was clean and had actually been updated within the last decade. "This isn't so bad."

Rafael didn't say anything, just pulled back the covers on both double beds, squinting at the fabric.

"What are you doing?"

"Bed bug check." His tone matter of fact. She rolled her eyes, but was also kind of glad he was checking. When he was finished with his inspection he looked up at her. "Seems to be fine."

"Good." She put her hands on his shoulders. "Now, I'll agree with you that this isn't the Plaza, but it is a perfectly acceptable hotel and I will say it has some great perks."

"Like what?" Rafael smirked. "The stale danish buffet downstairs?"

"No, like that your girlfriend is here, our phones are off, and no one knows where we are, especially the gang member who is trying to kill you on behalf of a convicted murderer."

"Well, when you put it like that." He placed a kiss on her lips. "I suppose I can forego room service."

"I appreciate your sacrifice." Her tone was serious, but there was a glint in her eye.

"You think you're so funny." Rafael tickled her side, wrapping his arms around her when she tried to pull away.

"Actually, I know I'm funny." She laughed, but it was cut off by his lips on hers, his fingers threading through her hair. She pulled the knot loose from his tie, tossing the smooth material to the side as she parted her lips to let their tongues intertwine. She'd just slid his suspenders from his shoulders when a ringing sound came from her bag on the floor. It was a digital version of a Mozart song that Rafael hadn't heard in years. Her burner phone.

He tried not to panic as she dug through her bag, but his mother, Carmen, and Lucy had been given strict instructions not to call unless it was an emergency.

"Benson." She answered. "Agent Foraker. No, it's fine. Okay. Okay. Thanks. You too." She let out a sigh as she flipped the phone closed. "Just the evening check in. They made it to the safe house and everything is good so far."

Rafael breathed a sigh of relief. "I've developed a Pavlovian response to just feel dread anytime your phone rings."

She gave a wry laugh. "I developed that years ago."

He shook his head, sitting on the edge of the bed closest to the door. "I really don't know how you've done it for this long, you and Fin."

Olivia shrugged. "I can't speak for Fin, but I can't imagine doing anything else." She took a deep breath. "I'm starving, how about you?"

"Famished."

They ordered Chinese food -which Rafael presented to her with a flourish, "Your dinner, Mrs. Garcia,"- using their fake name and cash, and they ate it while watching bad reality television.

"So wait, she's the one with the make-up line?" Rafael asked, waving his chopsticks in the air.

"No, she designs the jeans." Olivia explained before biting into an egg roll.

"I don't get why everyone hates on them so much." He said around a mouthful of chicken. "They seem like smart business women. I mean, it's not their fault that America made them famous, but they're brilliant for capitalizing on it."

He never ceased to amaze her. If you would have told her years ago that the cocky, buttoned up lawyer in the three piece suit that she'd met that first day would be sitting here with her, crossed legged on a 3 star hotel bed eating Chinese food and defending the Kardashians, she never would have believed it.

"What?" He asked when he noticed her staring.

"Just thinking about how we got here."

"Hiding out from a mad man? My guess is Willard's mother didn't love him enough."

Olivia let out a short laugh. "Not exactly what I meant., but you're not wrong."

* * *

Later that night, curled up against one another, Rafael thought about how perfectly she fit up against him, how no matter what evil lurked in their lives that he was happy and grateful to have her here with him. She was the one thing he could count on even when everything else was being ripped apart.

"Move in with me." He whispered into her hair.

"What?" She leaned her head back so she could look at him, eyes searching his to see if he was serious.

Rafael smiled. "Move in with me. When this is all over."

Olivia sat up. "Are you sure we're ready for that?"

"I stay at your place almost every night anyway. Why not make it official?"

"You only have one bedroom. And there's no way we're fitting your full wardrobe into my closet."

He shrugged. "So, we'll find a new place. My apartment has gone way up in value since I bought it. We should be able to find something that will be good for the three of us."

She loved him more than anything, wanted nothing more than to wake up next to him every morning and come home to him each night, but she had more than just herself to think about. "I don't know. If we move in together and it doesn't work out, I don't know what that would do to Noah."

"You don't think it will work out?" He'd been pessimistic about love and relationships for most of his life, never really having seen a good example of one that worked out, but that had begun to change. He couldn't imagine his life without Olivia and Noah. When he looked to the future, it didn't freak him out like it had in past relationships. Instead, he pictured it plain as day, raising Noah, dropping him off at college, dancing at his wedding. Growing old with Olivia Benson was the only future that seemed worth having.

"I believe in us, I do, but there are no guarantees." Olivia wanted more than anything to believe that this was it, the real deal, but she'd thought that before and look what had happened.

"Exactly. And if this entire fucked up mess we're in has taught me one thing, it's that we never know what's going to happen, especially in our line of work. Why wait?"

Before she could answer, her burner phone started buzzing on the nightstand. A glance at the clock told him that it was too late for it to be anything routine.

Olivia took a deep breath before answering. "Benson."

"You're a tough woman to get a hold of, Lieutenant." A gruff voice, thick with a Brooklyn accent, said in her ear. "Sergeant Marotta outta the 78th here in Park Slope. My guys picked up Santiago Castillo on drug and weapons charges, saw your BOLO."

"And you still have him in custody?" Olivia asked, throwing back the blanket and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. Rafael propped himself up on an elbow, looking at her curiously.

"Yeah, got 'im in our holding cell waiting to be processed."

She held the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she put on her pants. "Can you have him transported to the 16th? I'll meet your officers there."

"Now, hold on-"

"Look, murder trumps drugs. Let the DA's have their pissing match over who gets him and when later, but I need him in my squad room tonight." She slammed the phone closed, realizing that she'd missed being able to do that. "Another precinct picked up Castillo." She told Rafael.

"Give me two minutes." He jumped up, reaching for his bag.

"You should just stay here. You can't be in on the interrogation anyway."

He gave her a look that said she was nuts if she thought he wasn't coming with her, continuing to pull clothes out of his bag. "This bastard killed Ashtonja. I'm going to be there when he's questioned."

"Fine, but observation only. You know if you interfere in any way it will hurt the case." She opened the phone again, scrolling to find the number of her detective's burner. "Carisi? Yeah, I need you to meet me at the precinct. Castillo is on his way in. No, we'll call her in if we need her. No reason to wake up Jesse if we don't have to. Thanks."

By the time she hung up, Rafael was dressed in dark jeans, a navy polo, and a black blazer. He finished slipping on his shoes. "Let's go."

* * *

Rafael stood in front of the window in Olivia's office, arms crossed, jaw clenched, green eyes filled with contempt as he focused on the scene in the interrogation room. It killed him that he couldn't be involved in any way. He hated having no control over the situation, no say in what direction the case took.

Olivia and Carisi were both in the room, but his eyes stayed on Santiago Castillo. He sat slouched in the metal chair, arms crossed, bored look on his face. He couldn't be more than 20 years old.

It was hard to look at this kid and imagine him capable of slicing the throats of two people. Was this the last person Ashtonja had seen before she died? He'd done his best to put her out of his mind the last couple of days, not because he didn't care, but purely for self preservation.

He knew the detectives had spoken with her grandmother, but he hadn't had the courage to. Not yet. Maybe when this was over, when the people responsible were punished, he'd be able to face her. Or maybe he shouldn't bother her. He'd taken her daughter from her and now her granddaughter. It was more likely than not that she'd slam the door in his face and rightfully so.

He shook his head, shoving the thoughts back to the corner of his mind where they'd been.

"We know you were in Julian Malone's apartment, Santiago." Carisi was saying. "We found your prints. What were you doing there?"

Santiago shrugged, keeping his mouth shut.

"Look," Olivia tried a different tactic. "We know that this is bigger than you. Tell us who gave you the order and we can probably work out a deal for you."

"Don't know what you're talkin' about, lady. Nobody ordered me to do nothin'."

"This our guy?" ADA DiCarlo asked, stepping into Olivia's office and joining Rafael at the window. He liked and respected Danielle, but he hated that she needed to be here.

"Seems like it." He didn't take his eyes from the window.

"If you don't talk you're going down alone for this. Two murders all on you. But if that's the way you want this to go down, fine." Carisi kept his tone carefree. "Case is closed for us either way, so it's really no skin off our backs."

Santiago seemed to be considering his options when the door leading to the hallway flung open. "My client is done talking."

"Dammit." Barba mumbled as a defense attorney he'd never seen before strode into the room. BX9 must have obtained new counsel since the last time they'd dealt with them. This one looked sleazier than most, tall and thin with his hair slicked back.

"I would have been here sooner, but with you moving my client from borough to borough without informing me, makes it kind of hard."

"He never asked for a lawyer." Olivia stood. "So we didn't know to inform you."

"Well, he has one now and I'd like to speak to him alone."

"We almost had him." Carisi said coming through the door into Olivia's office, the Lieutenant behind him. "He'll never talk once the greaseball in there reminds him of the company line."

Olivia looked over at Rafael and Danielle. "Can we hold him on the homicides?"

"The fingerprints aren't eno-" Rafael stopped himself. "Oh, sorry, you were asking her."

Olivia sent him an apologetic look as Danielle started to speak. "As Mr. Barba was saying, the fingerprints in the apartment aren't enough, especially since Mr. Malone had a party and can't verify with certainty all of the guests who attended. If the prints were on the knife or body, it'd be another story, but…" She shrugged.

"So we just let him go?" Carisi shook his head.

"Give him back to Brooklyn for now. He'll get booked on the drug and weapons charges and then he'll be off the street."

"Until he makes bail and is in the wind." Rafael added.

"I'll speak to the Brooklyn ADA on the case, make sure they tell the judge about the murders, fight for remand." Danielle offered.

Carisi scoffed. "Which the judge won't give since we aren't charging him, our case is in no way related to the other charges, his criminal history is relatively minor…"

The beginnings of a headache started to throb behind Olivia's eyes. Maybe the one thing worse than dealing with an uncooperative suspect was being in a room with three lawyers who couldn't agree.

"Unless they're willing to deal." Danielle gestured toward the interrogation room where Santiago was listening intently to whatever his lawyer was spouting. "It's our only option. At least it's Friday. That gives you the weekend to find something to make the charges stick."

A moment later the lawyer tapped on the glass and Olivia and Carisi rejoined them, neither bothering to sit. They knew where this was going.

"Unless you're going to charge my client, we're done here."

"We aren't charging him with the murders. Yet. But your client isn't just walking out of here. He's getting a ride back to Brooklyn." Olivia informed him.

"You're kidding me with this. You can't just ship him back and forth between jurisdictions when you don't get your way."

"He was arrested selling oxy and he had a gun on him. Brooklyn wants their shot at him." Carisi gave his best, "what can you do" shrug.

The lawyer seethed. "Fine, I'll take him myself."

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen." Olivia stepped forward. "We'll have some uniforms take him. You can meet him there if you want, but he's not getting arraigned until Monday morning."

Given all of the setbacks they'd had during this case, it gave Olivia a little bit of satisfaction to piss the lawyer off. It was petty, but she'd take a win where she could get it.

She sent Carisi to arrange Castillo's transport and told him to go home when he was done, there wasn't anything more to be done tonight, then joined Rafael and Danielle in her office. It seemed like the two of them hadn't said a word since she'd walked out.

"I'll find out who's assigned to the case first thing tomorrow and give them a call." Danielle stood from her perch in one of Olivia's visitor's chairs. "I'm available all weekend, call if you need anything."

"Thank you." Olivia said, bidding the ADA a good night. "Comfy?" She turned to Rafael who sat in her chair, looking quite at home there.

"Just needed her to know that this is still my turf." He said petulantly.

She rolled her eyes, but still chuckled. "I think she knows. Weren't you the one singing her praises back during the Martin case? I know it's not ideal, but at least she's competent. You should be nicer to her."

Rafael knew she was right. It wasn't Danielle's fault that they were in this position, but he still didn't like it. "Now what?" He asked, not willing to admit to any wrongdoing.

"I'm going to call the warden at home tomorrow if I have to. After that debacle with Yates and Rudnick, she owes us. The least she can do is get us those visitor logs. But there's nothing more we can do tonight."

"So, back to the Ritz?" He stood, offering her a half grin.

"It's really not that bad." She laughed.

"The next trip we go on I'll book the hotel and you'll see just how wrong you are about that."

"I look forward to it."

"After you, Mrs. Garcia." He gestured chivalrously at the open door.

"Thank you, Mr. Garcia." Olivia gave him a quick kiss on her way past him. He followed her through the door, closing it behind them and sending a quick plea into the universe that they'd make it through the night without another body showing up.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: I know, I know, I'm the worst. I'm sorry this took so long! It was kind of a tough one to write. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

* * *

The sun was barely shining the next morning when Rafael opened his eyes, but the early hour didn't deter angry drivers from laying on their horns and certainly didn't prevent the emergencies that wailing ambulances and firetrucks rushed to get to.

He'd grown up with the sounds of the city. As a kid they'd been his lullaby, but he'd become accustomed to his well insulated apartment and double-paned windows. Now, the sounds were a nuisance that prevented him from sleeping in on a Saturday morning.

Apparently he wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. Olivia paced at the foot of the bed, burner phone to her ear. "Yes, Warden, I'm aware of the time. And that it's a Saturday." She rolled her eyes. "No it can't wait until Monday. Do you think I'd be calling you at 7am on a Saturday if it could?"

Rafael chuckled to himself, Warden Fenton had dealt with Olivia enough by now that she should know that it was easiest to just give her what she wanted. He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to physically wipe away the fatigue, and that's when he smelled it. Coffee.

Sitting on the small table, in what he assumed the hotel would describe as the sitting area, but was really just a scuffed table and a couple of worn chairs, was a bag and two paper coffee cups, both bearing the logo of his favorite cafe. He hadn't even been aware they had a location in this neighborhood. Just when he thought it wasn't possible to love Olivia any more.

Olivia enjoyed the view as Rafael slipped out of the bed, wearing only a navy blue pair of boxer briefs, and made his way over to the breakfast she'd slipped out to get earlier that morning. She knew his favorite coffee and glazed lemon blueberry scones would ensure that he started the day off in a good mood.

Inspecting the contents of the cups, he discovered one was tea and he shoved it aside with a look of disgust before taking a sip of his coffee. He closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the taste of the expertly roasted beans, before digging into the bag for a scone.

"Thank you, Warden. Again, I apologize for interrupting your weekend." Olivia finally snapped the phone closed, joining Rafael at the table.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" Rafael asked around a bite of scone.

Olivia laughed. "It was just down the block. I spotted it last night and figured it would make the perfect breakfast." She took a sip of her tea. "Sorry if I woke you."

He shook his head, chewing. "Sounds like you woke the warden though."

"Yeah, she wasn't thrilled with me, but she promised to make the deputy warden on duty send me the visitor logs this morning."

"You still planning on going up there?" He kept his tone neutral, not wanting to reignite their argument from the night before.

"Yes, but I want to know more about what we're dealing with first. Willard is smart, always one step ahead. If we go up there with nothing on him he'll know it and we won't get anywhere." She dug in the bag for her own scone.

He raised an eyebrow over his coffee cup. "We?"

"Yes, Carisi and I, or Amanda and I, or Fin and I. That is the 'we' to which I refer. You can't go."

"If you don't take me, I'll just find a way to go on my own." His tone wasn't threatening, or angry, just matter of fact.

Olivia's eyes narrowed. "That will be really hard for you to do if I handcuff you to that bed over there."

"Of all the times I've imagined you handcuffing me to a bed, I was never left all alone."

Olivia's tea almost came through her nose and Rafael kept his expression neutral, but he couldn't hide the glint in his eye. She knew the best way to irritate him was to ignore it. "You wouldn't be alone. I'd have Gibson come sit with you. He _really_ wants to make up for you getting by him at the DA's office the other day."

He huffed. "I'd hate to ever be on your bad side if this is how you treat the people you love."

"Remember that." She joked. "Now, I need to go to the station so I can check my email. They should have sent the list by now. But maybe tonight, if you want, I'll break out the handcuffs."

"No." He sighed. "You've ruined it. I'd just be thinking about Gibson."

Olivia laughed at that, a loud, genuine laugh. She stood, placing her hands on the arms of his chair, leaning over him. "Trust me. You absolutely would not be thinking about Gibson."

* * *

Rafael huffed a bored sigh, tossing a paperweight up and down in the air as he paced in front of Olivia's desk.

She looked up at him from behind her laptop. "You could have stayed at the hotel."

"I'd like to not spend more time there than I have to." He quit his pacing. "Anything?"

Olivia shook her head. They'd arrived at her office almost an hour ago and there was still no email from the Deputy Warden. "I'll give it five more minutes and then the Warden is going to have her Saturday interrupted again."

Rafael sat the paperweight back on the edge of her desk before taking a seat in one of her chairs. "Do you think it will ever end?"

"Of course I do." She tilted her head. "We're going to figure out how Willard is doing this. We're going to stop him."

He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't mean Willard. I mean all of it. The threats, the fighting tooth and nail for the little victories, constantly pushing the rock up hill just to have it come loose and crush us underneath it?"

"It's all part of the job, right? And I don't see the need for people like us going away anytime soon."

"It's exhausting."

She looked him over, concern in her eyes. "Are you okay?" He'd been holding up well considering everything that had happened, but she wondered how much of it was a facade.

"Yeah, I've just been thinking-"

Her computer chimed, signalling a new email. "Finally!" Olivia exclaimed when she saw that it was from Green Haven, but looked back up at Rafael. "What have you been thinking?"

He shook his head, waving it off. "It's not important. We can talk about it later. What does the log say?"

She slipped her glasses on, clicking open the file. "Huh, this will be easy enough."

"What do you mean?" He wanted to circle her desk, look over her shoulder like he normally would, but thought that maybe he shouldn't.

"There's only one name on here. He's visited Willard three times." She pulled up their database, running a quick search on the name. "Adam Lafferty. No record. Worked at Attention, Inc up until Willard's arrest. No current employer listed."

"Probably because he's still being paid by his former employer to do his dirty work for him."

Olivia agreed. "I'll see if Danielle can get a warrant for his financials. I'd like one for his electronics while we're at it. As soon as we talk to him he's going to dump everything."

"Electronics are a long shot, based only on his visits to Green Haven. Your best bet is to get the financials, Danielle can probably swing that warrant, make the connection to Willard, and then you'll get your other warrants."

"And if someone else gets killed in the meantime?"

"I'm just telling you what I would do, but it's Danielle's case. If you want her to track down a judge who will happily interrupt their weekend to sign an invasive warrant with little cause, ask her."

Olivia sighed, sliding her glasses off of her face and tapping them lightly on the desk, thinking. She wanted the warrant, wanted DiCarlo to at least try, but didn't want Rafael to think she wasn't taking his expertise into account.

Reading her like a book, Rafael smiled. "Before this all started you wouldn't have hesitated to go against me if that's what you thought was right. Don't do it now just because you think I'm fragile. Call Danielle."

She smiled at him, happy that he knew her so well. "Thank you. And I don't think you're fragile."

He gave her a look that said he didn't believe her at all.

"I don't! I just...worry that this is all affecting you more than you're letting on. And that it might make it worse down the road."

"Am I one hundred percent okay? No. Am I going to have a meltdown any moment? No. Work the case, Liv, like you would any other time. That's the only thing that's going to put an end to this nightmare."

She nodded resolutely, reaching for her desk phone, thankful Danielle had left her a business card with her number on it. "ADA DiCarlo, it's Lieutenant Benson."

"Lieutenant." Danielle sounded tense. "I was just trying to track you down."

"Is something wrong?"

Rafael perked up when she asked that, watching her closely as if that would help him hear the other side of the conversation.

"When? Okay. I'm going to send someone to the hospital and I'm going to go by BKDC. I understand that, but-" Her jaw clenched as she listened. "I don't care how many toes I step on, I'm not just going to sit back and...okay. Thank you." She not-so-gently returned the phone to it's cradle, looking up at Rafael. "Santiago was stabbed at the Brooklyn Detention Center."

"What? They're all searched at intake. How did someone get a weapon in?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

He watched as she called in her team, ordering Rollins and Carisi to go the the hospital and Fin to meet her at the detention center.

"Are you okay to wait here?" Olivia asked when she'd hung up with Fin.

He nodded. "I'll watch Netflix or something."

"Seriously?" She asked, surprised both at how easily he agreed and at the idea of him binge watching a TV show.

"What else am I going to do?"

"Okay…" She still seemed unsure, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. Gathering up her things she kissed his lips, running her thumb over his cheek. "I shouldn't be too long."

"Be safe."

"Always."

When she was gone, Rafael wandered the precinct, which was pretty dead save for a couple of uniforms. He made his way into the conference area, leaning back against the table, arms crossed as he looked over the whiteboards.

His jaw clenched as his eyes grazed over the photos of Jaclyn, Marisol, and Ashtonja. Three lives lost - well four if you counted Swain, but he wasn't quite as upset about that one - all because they'd made the mistake of knowing him.

Rafael contemplated his options. He could sit here all day, useless, or he could do something to try to end this.

Walking out into the squad room and picking up Fin's desk phone, he dialed the number he'd had memorized for years, thankful she hadn't changed it in all that time. It rang only twice before she answered. "Rita? I need you to come meet me."

Rita walked into the squad room forty-five minutes later, wearing dark jeans and a cream colored sweater. "What's this all about? I had to cancel a lunch."

Rafael dropped his feet to the floor from where they were propped up on Fin's desk, something that would no doubt irritate the sergeant if he'd known about it, and pulled his wallet from his back pocket. He flipped through it, pulling out a fifty dollar bill.

"What's this for?" Rita asked, taking it slowly.

"Your retainer."

"You're a little short." She smirked.

"Can't you float me the Old Friends Discount?"

She tilted her head, looking at him curiously. "What's going on Rafael? A couple days ago you were adamant that you didn't need a lawyer and now this?" She held up the bill that was still in her hand.

He couldn't remember the last time she'd called him by his first name. That had gone away with the rest of their friendship. "I need you to do me a favor, and this way, when Liv asks you about it, you can claim attorney client privilege."

* * *

"Okay, I need you to do some digging on the intake officers." Olivia instructed as she and Fin walked into the squadroom. "I hate to say it, but one of them had to have either given the attacker the weapon or let them in with it."

"Wouldn't be the first time someone was paid off." Fin sat at his desk, pulling out his notebook with the names of the officers working at the Brooklyn Detention Center.

The trip to Brooklyn had pretty much been a waste of time. The officers at the detention center had been less than forthcoming, informing them that they were conducting their own internal investigation, and since they didn't actually have any charges pending against Santiago, Olivia really didn't have much room to argue.

A text alert chimed on her phone and she pulled it out of her pocket, reading the screen. "It's Carisi. Santiago is still in surgery, probably going to be a couple more hours, but they think he'll make it."

Fin shook his head. "Something twisted about wanting a man to live just so you can put him in prison to suffer for the rest of his life."

He wasn't wrong, but Olivia didn't have the mental or emotional energy to get into a moral quandary. "Run the names and if nothing pops, go home. Try to salvage your weekend. I'm going to grab Barba and get out of here."

She checked her office, the conference room, his makeshift work area, and even the crib. There was no sign of him.

"He's not here?" Fin asked when she returned to the main bullpen, looking confused and worried.

"No." Olivia was trying to stave off the panic. There was no way he was grabbed from a police station, right? No. This had to be something else. She picked up Carisi's desk phone and called down to the desk sergeant. "I need to know everyone that came into the precinct in the last two hours." She listened while he read off the log, eyes narrowing at one particular name. "Thank you." She hung up the phone with more force than she'd intended.

"What's up?" Fin was already standing, ready to go wherever Olivia needed him to, but she held up a hand.

"Stay here. Run the names. I know exactly where he went."

* * *

Rafael sat at the metal table in the middle of the cold, concrete room, his fingers drumming nervously on the top, his knee bouncing underneath.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." Rita said from her position leaning up against the cinderblock wall. "Not only is it unethical, it's stupid."

Rita had never been one to hold back, it was one of the things he'd most liked about her back when they'd first met, and if the situation wasn't what it was he probably would have been amused by her candor, but he didn't need it. Not today. He knew this was a mistake, would probably backfire in unimaginable ways, but it didn't matter. He had to do it.

The clink of restraints drew his attention just as the door began to open and there was Willard, looking thinner in his green jumpsuit, a beard now covering his face, but his eyes, cold and calculating, were the same. "Rafael. What a surprise." His tone was light, like they were old friends who hadn't seen each other in a while.

Rafael didn't bother to answer, his expression remaining blank.

The burly guard led Willard to the table, securing his handcuffs to a metal hoop in the middle of it, before heading back to the door. He gave Rita a confused look when she followed him.

"My associate is going to meet with Mr. Willard. I'll wait outside."

The guard shrugged, he should probably check with a supervisor, but his shift was almost over and he honestly didn't care. They'd both gone through the security check points and a maze of hallways with secure doors stood between them and the outside. It's not like they were going to bust him out. "Whatever. You've got thirty minutes."

Rita looked at Rafael over her shoulder, an "are you sure about this?" look on her face. He nodded almost imperceptibly and she turned and followed the guard out of the room, the steel door slamming behind them.

"So, what brings you by?" Willard asked with a grin. If he wasn't cuffed to the table he would have leaned back, arms crossed, not a care in the world.

"I think you know."

He shrugged. "Kind of hard to keep up with current events in here."

"You were on the same cell block as Richard Swain." Rafael changed tactics, didn't want to give him the satisfaction of bringing up the women he'd harmed. He knew no matter how hard he tried he wouldn't have been able to hide his anguish and he wouldn't give Willard that.

If he was surprised they'd made the connection, he didn't show it. "Yeah I knew Richard. Always going on and on about what he'd done to those girls, how he'd gotten away with it for so long."

"And what did you think about what he'd done?"

"He was a little too dramatic for my taste. I like things more straightforward, you know?"

Rafael knew exactly what he was saying and stayed in the hypothetical to keep him talking. "You like to cut out drama, the flair, if you will. Just get straight to the point."

"Yes, you get it." Willard seemed excited at this. "I knew you were smart. I mean, I've seen your Harvard transcripts, but book smart doesn't always translate, you know?"

Rafael's fist clenched under the table and he did his best to keep his face neutral. He knew Willard was testing him, trying to get a rise out of him, and he couldn't lose his cool. There was still too much he needed to know.

"So what is the point?"

Now Willard's gleeful expression darkened. "To teach a lesson."

"And that lesson would be?"

"That someone who thinks they've won, thinks they've bested me. They haven't. Not by a long shot. I always win in the end."

"I can see how you'd like to think that." Rafael glanced around the room pointedly. "But you're going to spend the rest of your life within these walls. Doesn't seem like much of a victory."

He laughed, a dark, arrogant laugh. "You of all people should know that walls can't stop me."

Rafael wasn't a violent man, had always used words instead of fists to win his battles, but he'd never wanted to hit someone so badly in his life. "Maybe not yet, just wait."

Willard smirked. "That's cute. You and your little cop girlfriend think you can beat me."

"Leave her out of this." He was barely keeping the rage under control, his voice straining with the effort. "This is between you and me."

Willard laughed again. "That's where you're wrong. She played an even bigger part in putting me here than you did. But that's fine. She'll get hers."

Barba was up like a shot, shoving his chair back so fast it almost tipped over, hands on the metal table. "Threaten her again and see what happens. You think I don't have connections in here?"

"Ooh, I'm scared." Willard rolled his eyes. "From what I hear, CO's don't care for you much and we both know a con who was locked up either by you or someone just like you isn't going to want to do you any favors. Maybe you should have played nicer, Rafael. Then maybe you'd have some friends."

* * *

Olivia stormed through the visitor's entrance of Green Haven, stopping short when she saw Rita, sitting on a plastic chair in the small waiting area, fingers tapping away at her phone screen.

"Olivia." Rita stood quickly. "It's a surprise to see you here."

"It shouldn't be. Where is he?"

"I'm afraid it's a against my client's wishes to discuss that with you." Rita said formally.

"Your client? You've got to be-" Olivia shook her head. "You can go now."

"I don't think that-"

"Go. Now."

Rita looked like she might argue, never one to back down from a fight, but she also knew that there were more things at play here than a simple case. "Fine. Tell Barba to call me if he needs anything."

"Oh, I'm sure he will." As Rita headed for the door, Olivia turned to the desk. "Hi, Lieutenant Benson, Manhattan SVU."

She was interrupted by the buzz of the door as it opened. Rafael walked through it, looking angry. At least until he spotted Olivia and his expression slipped into something closer to contrition. "Liv."

"I told Rita I'd drive you back."

He just nodded, following her out the door..

"Liv." He said again once they were outside, but she held up her hand.

"Don't. Not yet."

They spent most of the ride in silence. Rafael could practically feel the fury radiating off of her and couldn't blame her. It was a betrayal on several levels and he'd known that going in, was prepared to deal with the consequences, but he'd needed to know for sure, needed to look Willard in the eye and see that he was the one behind all of this.

"I just don't know what you were thinking." She said finally, when they were almost back to the city. "You took off with no protection detail. And before you say it, yes Rita is tough, but she's not going to stop someone from hurting you."

His mouth snapped closed, his retort dying on his lips, and he bit back a smile. That had been exactly what he was going to say. He even had an example prepared of the time a guy got handsy with Rita at a bar and she'd kneed him so hard he was probably still coughing up blood.

"And besides the utter disregard for your safety, you probably just compromised the case." Olivia continued. "There will be a record of you using your ADA credentials to get in to see Willard after you were pulled."

Technically Rita had posed as Willard's lawyer to get them the private interview room and Rafael hadn't used his badge at all, but he didn't say so. Rita had done him a favor, one that fell onto the side of the not so ethical, so he'd take the heat for this.

"So you have nothing to say for yourself?" Olivia glanced over at him when he remained quiet.

"He's the one behind this, Liv. I know we thought so, but I know it now for sure."

"He told you that?" She allowed her curiosity to distract her from her anger.

"Not explicitly, but he made it clear enough."

Not that it mattered. He could have given a full confession and the means he used to get it would have made it inadmissible. They both knew that.

They were quiet again as they crossed over the Henry Hudson Bridge, finally back in Manhattan, and remained so until Olivia pulled off of the highway, once again on the familiar city streets.

Rafael looked over at her, speaking softly. "He threatened you, Liv. Maybe you should go to the safe house."

"I will if you will." She said only because she knew he'd never agree to it.

She was right. "I can't do that. If I hunker down and hide, it will give him what he wants."

"Well, there you go. You think he doesn't want me to give up? That's not going to happen."

He huffed an exasperated sigh. "Dammit, Liv. Don't you understand? He sat there, looked me directly in the eye and said 'She'll get hers.'"

"And why was he able to do that? Maybe because you went there to see him even though you weren't supposed to." She gripped the steering wheel, her anger flaring again.

"I had to! I had to see for myself-"

"You didn't have to, you wanted to." Olivia looked over at him pointedly before turning her eyes back to the road. "You wanted to have your face to face pissing match, which probably only served to encourage him."

"Is that what you think? That this was all about my ego?"

"Wasn't it?" It wouldn't be the first time that he'd let his pride dictate his actions, even to the detriment of a case.

He shook his head. "I can't believe that after-"

The car came out of nowhere, smashing into Rafael's door with such force that it pushed their squad car into the oncoming lane. The cab coming at them managed to swerve just in time, causing a blast of horns to join the ringing in Olivia's ears.

She shook her head, trying to get her bearings. It took a few seconds, but her mind finally focused on what was happening, and her heart thumped with fear as she turned to look at the passenger seat. "Raf? Raf, are you okay?"

His side of the car was completely crushed in and blood trickled down the right side of his forehead where it had hit the window, but that seemed to be the least of it. His right arm hung limply and his right knee was twisted at an unnatural angle.

Rafael tried to take a breath, his pale face contorting in pain with the effort, sweat peppering his brow.

Over his shoulder Olivia saw the driver of the other car shoulder their door open, dropping to the pavement before taking off at a full sprint. She tried commit what details she could to memory, but the sound of a loud, wracking cough drew her attention back to Rafael.

He brought his left hand up to his mouth, wiping away the pink-tinted foam that had appeared there. "Liv?" He managed to wheeze. The look in his eye was one she'd never seen from him before, pure unadulterated fear.

"It's okay, you're okay." She repeated over and over, knowing that it wasn't true, but wanting to believe that it was. She wanted to touch him, to hold his hand, run her fingers reassuringly through his hair, but she knew she shouldn't. Any movement might exacerbate his injuries.

"Thank God," she whispered aloud when she finally heard the wail of approaching sirens.

He was unconscious by the time they reached them.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: This is a bit shorter than usual, but I really wanted to get an update out. Thank you all for sticking this one out with me. We're getting close to the end!

* * *

"Liv!" Rollins jogged down the hospital corridor, followed closely by Carisi. "What happened?"

"The car, it just...I didn't see it." She shook her head, remembering the screeching sound of metal scraping metal, the terror in Rafael's eyes and the blood on his lips just before he'd lost consciousness.

It had taken some time for the firefighters to extricate Rafael from the car before the paramedics could begin to help him, time that she knew was precious, time that could have made the difference to his survival.

"Liv." Rollins put a hand gently on her arm and Olivia broke out of her thoughts.

"Sorry, I just...it was awful." Her voice broke, but she willed herself not to cry. She couldn't. Not yet.

"Has there been any update?" Carisi asked.

Again, she shook her head. They'd whisked him away the second the ambulance had stopped in the bay, barking orders over one another. An ER doctor who they had worked with on cases a few times had recognized her and arranged for the small, private waiting room that she now stood outside of. She hadn't heard a word since.

"No, but it was bad. Really bad."

"Barba's a fighter. He'll pull through." Carisi assured her and she wanted so badly to believe it, but was afraid to let herself.

Instead she scrubbed a hand over her face, doing her best to transition back into the Lieutenant. "I don't think this was an accident. They didn't try to slow down, they came out of an alley like they were waiting on us."

"Willard." Rollins said. It wasn't a question.

Olivia nodded. "It can't be a coincidence. Rafael goes to see him and less than two hours later we're run down?"

"What can we do?" Carisi was eager, as always, to help.

"Fin is at the scene, working with the precinct who caught the call. It's technically not our case, but I don't care right now. I need you to find out if Willard talked to anyone, used the phone, a carrier pigeon, I don't care what, after we left Green Haven. And find Adam Lafferty. Warrant or no, I want him in a box _tonight_."

"Carisi can handle that. I'll stay here with you." Rollins offered and Olivia started shaking her head before she was even finished.

"No, I need all of you on this."

"Liv, you shouldn't be here alone."

"I'll be fine." She assured them even if her voice still had the slightest of trembles. "If I can't be out there trying to bring down this son of a bitch then I need to know that you all are."

Her detectives looked at her for a few more moments, unsure, but eventually they turned to leave asking her to keep them updated and promising to do the same.

When they were gone she pulled out her cell phone, her real one, not the burner - She didn't care if someone came after her now. It would feel good to kick the ass of anyone who tried. - and powered it on.

She'd been struggling with whether or not to tell Lucia ever since she'd arrived at the hospital. In seclusion, hours away, it would only serve to make her worry without being able to do anything about it. But in the end she called the agent in charge of their detail, knowing that if it were Noah in the hospital and she wasn't informed, she'd unleash a wrath the likes of which had never been seen.

Olivia wasn't surprised when a few minutes later she received a call back. The agent had simply identified himself before handing the phone over to Lucia. She demanded answers that Olivia didn't have and her heart broke when the normally rock solid older woman's voice broke with tears.

"I have to come there, Olivia. You can't keep me prisoner, not when my only son may be…" She couldn't bring herself to finish.

Olivia knew she was right and finally they worked it out that as soon as they could get another agent to the safe house, Lucia would be driven back to the city. Olivia hoped that by the time she arrived Rafael would be awake and they'd all worried for nothing.

* * *

"Thank you, Warden. Yes, as soon as possible. Thank you, I'll pass that along." Carisi hung up the phone and glanced across the car at Rollins. "Supposedly we'll have a minute by minute record of Willard's movements for this afternoon within the hour."

He sounded disbelieving, but Rollins shrugged from behind the wheel. "Now that it's looking more and more like Willard has been running this from prison they have to make a show of cooperating. It was happening right under their noses."

"You really think it's possible to orchestrate all of this from prison?" Carisi asked. "I mean, I know Willard's smart and all, but…"

"At this point it's all we've got to go on. And I hope it's possible because if it isn't then someone else is doing this and we don't have a clue who they are."

They rode in silence for a few minutes as Rollins drove them towards Adam Lafferty's last known address.

"I really don't like that Liv is at the hospital alone," she said as they crossed the Williamsburg bridge into Brooklyn.

Yeah, me neither," Sonny agreed. "But even if we went back she'd just kick us out again, and she's right. We're doing more good out here trying to put an end to this than sitting in a waiting room."

"I know, but we should call someone for her."

"Who?" Carisi looked over at her. "Barba's unconscious and everyone else she cares about is in a safe house somewhere."

Rollins wracked her brain. "Well, there is someone, but I don't know if she'll like it."

* * *

"Olivia."

She jerked her head up. The room was dim, most of the light coming from the TV that played quietly in the corner, but she could make out the figure in the doorway. "Rita." The surprise was evident in her voice.

"I came as soon as I heard." Rita stepped into the small waiting room, wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing that afternoon. Was it really just that afternoon that they'd been at Green Haven? It seemed like it was days ago. "Any news."

Olivia shook her head. "Only that he's still in surgery."

"May I?" Rita gestured to the chair next to Olivia and sat when she nodded. They sat in silence for a few moments before Rita spoke again. "I'm sorry about today. I shouldn't have let him talk me into it."

"He can be quite persuasive." Olivia conceded. Truthfully, she had been angry at Rita for indulging Rafael in his ridiculous plan, but it wouldn't do any good to hold onto it now.

"You know, I've known him for twenty-five years and I've never understood how someone who is _such_ an ass can be so charming."

Olivia chuckled at that.

"I thought I was immune to it by now," Rita continued, but then shrugged. "But apparently not."

"Well, if you ever figure out how to resist it, let me know." Olivia said, sitting back in her chair and scrubbing a hand over her face.

They were quiet for a moment, staring at the TV, but not actually paying any attention to what was playing.

"You know," Rita said finally. "One time in law school, we all had to write an appellate brief and argue it in front of the class. The day it was my turn was just a horrible day. One of those days where everything that can go wrong will. I burned my hand at work and the girl that was supposed to come in after me was late and my boss made me stay. And then when I finally did get to go it was raining, so I sprinted to class in the pouring rain.

"I made it there with only a minute or so to spare, soaking wet. I reached into my bag and of course I didn't have my brief. I started to panic and Rafael noticed and asked what was wrong. I told him and he grinned, you know that freaking ridiculous cocky grin of his, and said, 'Don't worry. I've got this.' And I swear to you he convinced the professor that he'd written the dates down wrong and that it was actually his turn to present his argument."

Rita shook her head, a wistful smile on her face. "He wasn't even scheduled to go until the next week, but of course he was ready. Ever the overachiever."

Olivia smiled even as her eyes shone with tears. "That sounds like him."

"It's hard to remember sometimes when we're facing off in court and he's being a bastard, but he's a good guy. He always has been. And he's strong and _stubborn_. He'll get through this."

Olivia knew that her words weren't just platitudes, that Rita truly believed them, and Olivia wanted to believe them too, but Rita hadn't been there, hadn't seen the fear in his eyes or ridden in the back of the ambulance as the paramedics fought to keep him alive during the excruciatingly long ride to the hospital. Instead of saying any of that she just nodded, hoping that Rita was right.

* * *

"Okay, Adam, your best bet here is to tell us what you know." Carisi leaned back in his chair casually. Across the interrogation table from them, Lafferty was already starting to sweat.

When they'd first showed up at his door Sonny couldn't help but think that if there was a casting call for a stereotypical computer programmer, Adam Lafferty would fit the bill. Short and pale, he had thick black framed glasses and squirrely eyes.

And currently those eyes were darting nervously around the interrogation room, looking anywhere but at Rollins and Carisi.

"We know Willard put you up to this. We found this," Amanda slid an evidence bag with a burner phone in it towards Lafferty, "in your apartment. The number matches the one that Willard called from Green Haven this afternoon. You know what all we'll find once we're done with your apartment, your electronics."

Thankfully Danielle DiCarlo was better at her job than Liv gave her credit for and had come through with the warrant.

Adam finally looked at them. "I...I can't."

"Just know that once we find evidence that you were in contact with Richard Swain and BX9, and we will," Sonny leaned forward, "you're the one going down for this. Unless you give us proof that Willard instructed you to do so, the buck will stop with you."

"As far as the DA will be concerned, you might as well have held the knife in your own hand," Rollins added. "You'll go down for all the murders."

"I didn't kill anybody!"

"Then let us help you." Sonny softened his demeanor. "Tell us what happened and we'll make sure to let the DA know that you cooperated."

Adam shook his head, but Sonny could see that he was starting to break. "He'll have me killed next if I say anything."

"Not if we stop him," Amanda said. "We can protect you."

"Now, how did this all start?" Carisi asked, hovering his pen over his notepad.

Lafferty hesitated, still unsure. "Actually, I think I want a lawyer."

The detectives held in their frustration until they got out into the hallway.

"Dammit." Sonny strode over to his desk, tossing the pen and notepad to its surface. "He was so close."

"Even with a lawyer he's gonna tell us what happened." Rollins said calmly. "There's no way a little weasel like that doesn't take a deal."

"I hope your right," Carisi said as Fin walked into the squad room. "Anything on the driver?"

"No plates on the car, so this was definitely planned. We're running the VIN number. We also got some security footage of the driver fleeing the scene. Running his image through facial recognition." Fin explained. He didn't mention the mangled mess that was left of Liv's squad car. Arriving on scene and seeing it had sent a chill up his spine that still hadn't gone away. "Where are we with Lafferty?"

"Just lawyered up." Carisi said petulantly.

"I'll stay here and wait for the lawyer. You two go back to his place and light a fire under CSU," Fin instructed.

"You got it, Sarge."

When they were gone Fin sat at his desk, checking his phone and email for any updates and of course there weren't any. He found the number for TARU in his phone and hit the call button. It was time to light a few fires of his own. Liv was expecting them to handle this while she couldn't and he wasn't going to let her down.

* * *

"Lieutenant Benson?'

"Yes." Olivia jumped up as the doctor stepped into the room, still wearing her scrub cap. Rita had gone to get coffee, so it was just Olivia in the room. "How is he?"

"He's fine." The doctor assured her with a smile and Olivia let out the breath she'd been holding. "He has a few broken ribs, one of which punctured his lung. That was the most serious injury. We've reset the bones and repaired the lung. He also had a ruptured spleen, which we removed, and a dislocated shoulder. His CT scan came back clear, so there's no bleeding on the brain, but it's likely he has a concussion considering how hard his head hit the window. We can evaluate that better once he's awake. And once he's up to it, he's going to have to have surgery on his right knee to repair a few ligaments."

Olivia's head swam with the extent of his injuries, but she also felt great relief. "So he'll be okay?"

The doctor put a gentle hand on her shoulder and smiled. "Barring any complications, yes. He has a long road ahead of him, punctured lungs take awhile to heal and it may give him trouble forever, physical therapy on the knee and shoulder, but he'll be okay."

"Can I see him?"

"He's in recovery right now while the anesthesia wears off, but I'll have someone get you once he's moved into a room."

"Thank you, Dr. Copeland."

"Of course." Dr. Copeland offered one last smile before leaving the room.

And for the first time since this had all began, Olivia sat down, put her head in her hands, and cried.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: We're getting down to the end, folks. I'm thinking one more chapter and then an epilogue to wrap things up. Thanks so much for your patience as I slowly work to unweave this mess of a web that I've created for myself. As always your views and comments mean the world!

* * *

It was late when Olivia was finally shown to Rafael's room. Visiting hours had long ago ended, but luckily her years of work finding justice for their patients had earned Olivia some clout with the hospital staff.

She stopped outside of his door, taking a deep breath and steeling herself for what she might see before she walked inside. Even though she'd prepared herself, her breath still caught in her throat at the sight of him.

He was still asleep, looking relatively peaceful given the extent of his injuries. There was a white gauze bandage near his right temple, and even in the dim room she could see where a dark purple bruise bloomed beyond its borders. His right leg wasn't covered by the blanket, his knee in a complicated looking brace, and his right arm was in a sling, resting across his chest. A cannula delivered oxygen to his nose and an IV was inserted in his left forearm, the tubing connected to a bag of clear liquid—saline, she assumed—hanging on the pole near the head of the bed.

But even with all of that, what steadied her, what reassured her, was the steady rhythm of his heart beat on the monitor and the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. That was all that mattered. The rest would heal.

Doing her best to be quiet, she pulled the only chair in the room over to the left side of the bed, scooting it as close as space would allow. Once seated, she reached out to gently take his hand and she felt the relief once again bubble up in her chest as she felt his warm skin on hers. The doctors had told her that he'd be okay, her own eyes had seen that he was okay, but touching him, feeling his hand beneath hers, made it real.

He stirred and she looked up at his face just as his eyes slowly slid open. His pupils were dilated from the medication he was on and they weren't as sharp as they normally were, but she'd never been so grateful to look into that beautiful shade of green.

"Liv," he smiled, a loopy, soft smile that he didn't seem to have full control over.

"Hey," she said softly, reaching out to brush back the curl of hair that had fallen over his forehead. "I'm so happy to see you."

He stared at her for a moment, head rolling to the side to face her. "You're pretty."

Olivia laughed. "And you're on good drugs." She'd been at the hospital for so many hours she'd lost count, she was sure she looked like a mess.

"No, no, no. You—" He tried to wave his right arm in protest, but looked down at the sling with confusion. "Why is my arm in a hammock?"

Olivia genuinely thought about recording him because Rafael Barba high out of his mind on pain killers deserved to be immortalized, but she knew he'd kill her once he found out about it, so she just committed the scene to memory instead.

"You, well we, were in an accident," she told him, using the same soft tone she used with victims. She had a feeling when the drugs wore off she'd have to explain it again. "You were hurt."

He looked at her, eyes narrowed like he was trying his best to remember. "You were mad at me," he said finally and looked distraught at the thought.

Olivia sighed, thinking that now was definitely not the time to get into all of that. "Yes, I was, but what's important right now is that you get better. We'll worry about all the other stuff later." She knew it wasn't entire true. There were things she had to worry about now, like stopping Willard from continuing to terrorize them, but that was on her.

"I'm tired," Rafael said, even as his eyes started to close. "But don't leave, okay?"

Olivia smiled at him softly, squeezing his hand. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

Carisi was pouring a cup of coffee, much needed after a night spent in the crib, when Rollins stuck her head into the breakroom. "DiCarlo's here," she said before ducking back out again.

Whatever Willard was paying Lafferty, it must not have been much because he hadn't been able to get a lawyer down to the precinct until that morning. Not that it bothered Carisi any. He was pretty sure one night in holding would be enough for a guy like Lafferty to realize that he wasn't cut out for prison.

It had also given them time to process some of the evidence found at his apartment and despite his lack of sleep, Sonny had a feeling that they were all finally going to have a good day.

Bringing his paper coffee cup with him, Sonny walked out into the bullpen, finding ADA DiCarlo speaking with Rollins. "Appreciate you comin' in on a Sunday, Counselor."

Surprising none of them, Lafferty's lawyer had started tossing around the word 'deal' not ten minutes after he'd sat down with his client.

"It's the least I could do after what happened to Mr. Barba." DiCarlo told him.

"Well, let's get this party started," Carisi grabbed a folder off of his desk and gestured with it, indicating that the ADA should lead the way.

"My client wants immunity before he tells you anything," Lafferty's lawyer, a skinny man with sharp features, demanded before Sonny had even shut the door to the interrogation room.

Danielle scoffed, pulling out one of the metal chairs before taking a seat. "I get that it's the Sabbath, but your client won't be getting any miracles out of me, Mr. Fletcher. We have enough to charge him with murder. There's no way he's walking out of this unscathed."

"Murder? Don't be ridic—"

Carisi, who had settled into the chair next to DiCarlo, cut the lawyer off by pulling an evidence bag from the file and sliding it across the table. "We found the letters that Willard sent you, his instructions. I gotta admit it was a good move, two tech geniuses like yourselves going old school. Willard knew that only incoming mail is inspected. Too bad you weren't smart enough to get rid of them."

"All this does is prove even further that my client was a pawn in all of this," Fletcher argued.

Sonny ignored him and continued to speak directly to Adam. "We also have the communication that you sent to Swain and BX9, passing along Willard's orders. That makes you responsible."

"That's impossible! I dele—" Lafferty stopped when he realized his mistake, but Carisi still counted it as a victory, raising his eyebrows.

DiCarlo leaned forward, looking Lafferty in the eye. "You know, in prison you get very few choices. When you eat, when you sleep, when you shower, hell, even when you piss, is decided for you. So before you're locked in a cell for the better part of the rest of your life, I'll do you a favor and let you make one of my decisions for me. Am I filing first degree murder charges against you, Mr. Lafferty, or merely manslaughter charges?"

Sonny couldn't help but think that Barba would approve of the line as he watched the true weight of what he was up again settle on Lafferty.

Fletcher leaned in and whispered in his client's ear while Danielle looked over at Sonny and rolled her eyes. They both knew what the outcome would be. Adam mumbled something back and Fletcher nodded, turning back to Danielle and Sonny. "Fine, but he'll need protection. You've seen what Willard is capable of."

"That can be arranged," DiCarlo acquiesced before sitting back in her chair, waiting for the deluge of information to come pouring out of Lafferty.

* * *

Despite lack of sleep, a shower, or a real meal, Olivia was feeling better than she had in days. Her detectives were finally making headway on the case and Rafael was doing well. After his knee surgery, which was scheduled for the next morning, he'd be completely on the mend. They'd dialed back the dosage on his meds, so that, while he still wasn't in much pain, he was more himself. Which really just meant that he was very grouchy, but Olivia would take grouchy over unconscious any day.

"Mami, my pillow is fine, can you please just leave it alone?" He was grousing as Olivia walked into his room, which was now full near to overflowing with balloons, flowers, and gift baskets. It seemed that everyone who had ever had contact with Rafael had sent their well wishes (even Buchanan had sent a fruit basket), and it seemed to Olivia that Rafael's surly demeanor hadn't worked as he'd hoped to keep people at arm's length.

"You can't be comfortable at that angle." Lucia reached for the pillow anyway and Rafael fixed her with a withering look.

Lucia had arrived early that morning, the agent at her side looking a little rough around the edges as he'd left her in Olivia's care. Olivia could only imagine how the long drive had gone and didn't blame the agent for nearly jogging out of the hospital.

"My neck is _fine_ ," Rafael insisted. "It's practically the only thing on my body that isn't injured and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Lucia, here's your tea." Olivia held out the paper cup, hoping to spare her any additional biting words from her son, but also to stop her from fussing over him. It wasn't good for Rafael to get all worked up and so far that's all Lucia's presence had done.

"Thank you, Olivia." Lucia took the cup from her and sat back down in the chair by the bed.

Olivia just raised her eyebrows at him when he mouthed a silent 'thank you,' taking a sip of her own tea. She noticed her mistake when he narrowed his eyes at the cup.

"I would murder someone for a cup of coffee."

"Rafi," Lucia chided and Rafael rolled his eyes.

"As soon as the doctor says it's okay," Olivia promised. "Speaking of, did I miss rounds?" She'd done her best to stay nearby, hoping to get any update on Rafael's condition, but she'd ducked out quickly to make a cafeteria run when Lucia had expressed a wish for tea.

Rafael shook his head, frowning. "No. I've seen hide nor hair of anyone with an MD this morning. I thought this was supposed to be one of the best hospitals in New York. I can only imagine the neglect going on at the less reputable ones."

"Maybe I can go see what the hold up is," Olivia offered, ignoring his overdramatic reaction, but Rafael stopped her.

"Actually," he turned to Lucia. "Mami, would you mind checking for me? I'd like to speak to Liv alone for a moment."

"Of course," Lucia said easily and Rafael was grateful.

When Lucia was out of the room, door closed behind her, he looked over at Olivia, his expression softening for the first time. "Hi."

"Hi," she smiled, leaning down to kiss him softly on the lips before taking the chair that Lucia had vacated. It was the first time they'd been alone since he'd woken up. Well, the first time when he wasn't high as a kite. She still hadn't gotten a chance to tell him about that, but it could wait.

He reached out his free hand to her and she thread her fingers through his. "I love you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for putting up with my mother."

She squeezed his hand. "I love you, too, which is why I put up with your mother." It was a joke and he took it as such. Olivia and Lucia got along quite well and Rafael was convinced that his mother liked Olivia more than she liked him. "And where else would I be?"

He was truly grateful for Liv's presence, both here now and in his life, and he'd love to spend all day telling her that, but he knew he only had moments before his mother returned and his expression slipped into something more serious.

Olivia had seen that look hundreds of times, usually in court or in an interrogation room. She started shaking her head before he'd even opened his mouth to speak. "No, we're not talking about the case right now."

Any other time he might be amused that she could read him so well, but not right then. "Liv."

"Don't 'Liv' me. You need to worry about getting better. We can deal with the rest later."

"Please?" It was word he so rarely spoke, at least in the soft, pleading tone that he was using now, and Olivia felt her resolve crumbling.

Finally, she sighed heavily and Rafael smartly kept the victorious smile off of his face, waiting instead for her to give the information that he was after. "We really don't have that much yet. DiCarlo came through with the search warrant on Adam Lafferty's apartment. They're still sifting through everything. Rollins texted me when I was down in the cafeteria that Lafferty was about to spill his guts in exchange for a deal."

"What kind of deal?" he asked sharply.

"I honestly don't know. Does it matter? If he gives us what we need to stop Willard?"

It did matter. To him it mattered, but he dropped it. "I didn't get a chance to tell you," he said instead, both of them quiet for a moment, thinking about why he hadn't had a chance to tell her whatever it was. He cleared his throat finally, continuing. "I don't know if it will help, but I think I know why Willard had Swain killed."

"Oh?" Olivia wasn't expecting that.

"He was too flashy, theatrical, with the notes and the knife and all that. It annoyed Willard, so he had BX9 take him out and then take over. Their methods were more efficient." Rafael explained as if he were talking about any other case.

Why didn't it surprise her that Willard wanted the murders to be straightforward, quick and to the point? It just fit in with what she already knew about his personality. She didn't get to say as much because Lucia returned, a sharp knock on the door the only warning before she pushed it open.

"The nurse said they're running a bit behind this morning, but that the doctor will be in to see you soon," she explained.

"Well, if she doesn't come soon it won't matter. I'll be dead from caffeine withdrawal." Rafael nearly whined.

"Dios mio, Rafi." Lucia rolled her eyes. "You're so _dramatic_."

Olivia covered her mouth to hide a smile, but it didn't work and Rafael narrowed his eyes at her. "You know, I've been severely injured here." He gestured with his good arm at the sling, the knee brace, and finally at the bandage on his head. "I'm not asking for pity, but if you could refrain from the outright antagonism, I would appreciate it."

"He has a point," Olivia told Lucia. "You would not believe how many times the ME has come back with caffeine withdrawal as a cause of death. It's an epidemic really."

It wasn't that funny, but coupled with the their lack of sleep and overabundance of stress and worry it sent both women into a fit of giggles and Rafael rolled his eyes, even though he was fighting a grin of his own. "You're both insufferable."

* * *

"You don't understand," Adam Lafferty began. "I didn't _want_ to do any of this. He made me."

"We get it, you're a victim in all this," Sonny tried his best to sound sympathetic, but felt he missed the mark. "How did he make you do it? He's in prison."

"You should know by now that doesn't matter." Lafferty spit out, but then took a deep breath. "Willard is a paranoid bastard, he dug up dirt on everyone he ever came in contact with. He had folders on all of his employees."

Carisi's forehead wrinkled. "We had warrants for all of the his and the company's electronics. We never found anything like that." Admittedly they hadn't found anything damning at all.

Lafferty scoffed. "Like he would keep it anywhere the likes of you could find it."

"Adam," Fletcher did his best to temper his client's smugness.

Lafferty sighed. "Whether you all found the files or not, they exist and Willard has...something on me," he hedged, smartly so, given that his deal likely wouldn't extend to whatever it was. "Something that he promised to make public if I didn't help him."

Carisi was curious as to what it was, but figured pushing further on the issue at the moment might cause Lafferty to stop talking, so he stayed silent.

"I need you to tell us how you helped him," Danielle nudged. "We need specifics, everything."

With a glance at his lawyer and another heavy sigh, Lafferty turned to her and the floodgates opened.

It was interesting, Sonny thought as he listened to Adam speak, how it all seemed so simple. Vague letters mailed to him from prison with just enough information to make his instructions clear, but not enough to be entirely damning on their own, the names and addresses written in a code they'd established at Attention Inc when disseminating proprietary information so competitors couldn't decipher it should they try to hack their servers.

From there Lafferty would contact Swain, and later one of the leaders of BX9 with their instructions, using a program he'd designed himself that deleted texts as soon as they were read (the reason Willard had called on him, no doubt). He claimed to not know who in BX9 he was actually in contact with, saying that he only had the number. They'd do their best to trace it, but it was likely a burner.

"I just—" Adam said once he'd finished explaining the process. "I want you to know that I didn't know at first— that he was going to have anyone killed. I thought he was just going to screw with them like he did your prosecutor."

DiCarlo and Carisi both stared at him, stone faced, years of training on both their parts keeping them from strangling him.

"And then after the first one, it was too late, I was a part of it and was too afraid to try and stop it. But I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that they died."

The break in his voice seemed genuine, but Sonny couldn't muster any sympathy. "See, that's the thing, Adam. They didn't die. They were murdered, and you played a direct part in that. And I hope you think about that every day that you spend in prison and then some."

He decided they were done, they had what they needed, so he shoved his chair back with a screech against the concrete floor and Danielle followed him to the door.

"You okay?" Rollins, who had been watching through the two way mirror in the hallway, asked him.

He nodded, turning to the ADA. "Tell me you're going to get him the maximum for manslaughter?"

DiCarlo nodded. "That's my intention." She shook her head. "I can't believe he let all those women die just to save his own skin."

The speaker was now off to protect attorney client privilege, but they watched as Adam put his head in his hands, tears flowing, as his lawyer awkwardly tried to comfort him. Sonny had a feeling he was crying because he was afraid of what was going to happen to him, not because he was sorry for what he'd done.

Trying to shake it off, knowing that they could call this a win even if it didn't feel like it, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Hitting his contact for the Lieutenant he put the phone to his ear, happy to have good news for once. "Yeah, Lieu, sorry to bother you at the hospital. Just wanted to tell you that we got what we needed. Willard's gonna go down for this."


End file.
